Scandinavian Heart Strings, in Drop D
by Gothblend
Summary: Skwisgaar and Toki have an unique relationship. If only either of them knew what it was. (This fic is structured as story archs set between selected episodes.) S/T pairing and other Mature content.
1. 1-0 An Ode to Pickles

Author's Notes: _Italics_ are used for Norwegian/Swedish. Language warning, but it's Dethklok so you should know that (also sex, drugs, Rock'N'Roll etc. M rated for a reason).

I do not own any of the charaters from Metalocolypse and do not profit from them.  
Chapters are grouped together in Story Archs. Chapters One and Two go together...You'll work it out.

* * *

Chapter 1.0 : An Ode to Pickles

Snakes'N'Barrels had reunited and the line out the front of the concert hall was snaked around the corner. Pickles had left a few hours ago and the remainder of Dethklok were now sitting at a hotel bar across the street. A number of klokateers were keeping rabid fans at bay with Tasers and various face-palm techniques. Toki sat near the end of the bar with Skwisgaar next to him, then Nathan and finally Murderface on the other end, each band member cradled a bottle of their favourite beer and stared solemnly at the label. Toki was completely confused by the other three's reaction to Pickle's gig tonight and finally, after half a beer, was the first to break the silence.

"What ams wrongs with you alls? Yous all been weird as fuck evers since Pickle arsks us to comes tonight."

"What? What do you mean, Toki? We're not acting weird." Nathan said more to his beer than to Toki.

"Yeah" said Murderface, "I mean, juscht because Pickles has been barely around for weeksch and now we don't even get to schee him before the schow, I mean, that'sch no reason to be upschet, right?" He took a long swig from his beer, washing down the sarcasm, and brought it back to the bar with more force than necessary.

Nathan grunted a kind of agreement, still staring at his beer, cupped with both hands. "He wouldn't even come for a drink with us before the show. I mean, **Pickles** not drinking with us? That's just fucked up! So he can do what? Hang out with Snakes'N'Barrels some more? He's been around them for like three fucking weeks straight!" he brought his beer to his lips and mumbled into the neck of the bottle "What an asshole." before downing the rest of it.

"I know!" chimed in Murderface, "I mean, you don't really think that he'sch gunna leave usch, do you? He said yesch to this reunion tour wischout even asching us what we thought about it!" His indignity rose with every word.

"And it's not even brutal." Nathan had decided that this conversation now required something stronger than beer. The bartender produced a bottle of top shelf vodka and four glasses of Ice then proceeded to nervously pour out half a glass to each of them. He then scurried off to the other end of the bar after a Klokateer turned to check on the band, Taser in hand.

"But he's already says that he ams nots goings nowhere?" Toki retorted,

"That'sch what they all schay!" Murderface spat out.

"Ja, Tokis," Skwizgaar said, clinking the ice around in his glass "That's whats they all says. Hell, that's whats I have even says in de past, a lots of times, and then 'poofs' gones." He took a long sip of his vodka. Toki gave him an angry look he didn't see.

"Wells justs cause yous a band sluts Skwizgaar doesn't means Pickle ams!" He saw the look this time.

"Pfft, wells you's a band vigins! So yous don'ts even know what you talkikgs about."

"Whats?! I ams in dis band!"

"So whats? We pops your cherry, huh?"

Murderface nearly choked on his vodka, "Dude! Don't say schit like that! Sounds so effing gay!"

"You know," Nathan began "I met Pickles about 8 months after Snakes'N'Barrels disbanded. They were all he would ever fucking talk about!" Nathan finished his first glass of Vodka. The bar tender shook some more as he refilled all their glasses.

"How dids you and Pickle meet? Yous two knows each other for the longest time, yeah?" Toki asked.

"Aschually," Murderface interjected "Nathan and I have known each other the longescht."

"By like two months, Murderface!" Nathan corrected.

"Scho!? Schtill the truth! We were playing witsch eachother well before Pickles wasch around!"

"Nows who ams soundings gay, Williams?" Skwisgaar had this habit of using Murderface's first name when he wanted to lord something over him. Toki choked a little on his drink as he let out a short burst of laughter.

"Schut up Skwizgaar! You schmug asschhole! You knew what I meant!" Muderface retorted.

Skwisgaar took a very long sip of vodka with the glass hiding a small but very smug smile indeed. Toki saw this and mimicked his actions, smiling at Skwisgaar's smile.

"Me and Murderface were playing in a metal band with some other dildos in Seattle for a short time." Nathan started, "This was years and years ago. Pickles was at the show and the owner knew him or something, so we got introduced afterwards. He said he was interested in heavier music so he'd been going to see a bunch of local metal bands. We hit it off and ,well, you know the rest."

"Then why does you thinks he would leaves us for Snake an' Barrel?" Toki asked, the alcohol starting to seep into each of them.

"Because of the way he would talk about them! About the shows and the parties and his bassist, Tony. When I was in Snakes'N'barrels this, when I was in Snakes'N'barrels that. Arrrh! He kept going on and on about it! And shit you think that he does a lot of drugs now, it's nothing compared to how he used to be." Nathan explained.

"Thasch true. I don't tschink I had a schober conversation witsch him for the firsch year I knew him." Murderface added.

"Yeah, me neither." Nathan confirmed, "Yeah, he only started to shut up about them when we began talking about forming a band of our own."

Murderface sipped at his vodka and sighed "He muscht of really missched them."

Silence fell and everyone became very interested in their drink. The thought of Pickles leaving them and the implications that had for their own lives mulled around privately inside each of their heads. None of them had been very lively at dinner either. Skwisgaar hadn't eaten all day and had sat at dinner with nothing but a cup of coffee. After the conversation they had about a week ago concerning the possibility that Pickles might want to stay with Snakes'N'Barrels, Toki had thought that the other three had been OK and pushed the thought aside. However, each of those three had become increasingly distant and seemed to spend more time than usual in their own rooms. It made Toki realise how important Pickles really was to the band and if Pickles did leave, there would be no more Dethklok. He knew this same thought was upsetting his other band mates but still, Toki didn't know how to deal with them when they were like this.

The bartender, who was now almost having an anxiety attack, opened another bottle and poured them 4 fresh glasses of vodka on ice. A Klokateer, Taser in hand, followed the bartender into the cold room.

Of all the people, it was Skwisgaar who finally spoke after another half a glass of vodka. He was drinking on an empty stomach and so the alcohol was hitting him harder than the others."You knows, if it weren'ts for Pickle, I wouldn'ts be heres." He said.

"He saves your life? Wowee!" Toki exclaimed.

"Whats? Nos! Oh, wells, he brings me backs from the overdoesings a few time."

"Yeah, he'sch done that for me too." Murderface added.

"Yeah me too." Nathan nodded in agreement, "but we did it for him as well, so, I mean, that makes us even, right?"

"Yeah, I'd Schay Scho."

"Yeah, I mean, we've done it for him way more times. So if anything he owes us!"

"Yeah, that'sch right!"

"Owes yous what?" Asked Toki.

"I dunno, like, some more overdoeses, I guess." Said Nathan.

"Whats? We haves de doctors for dats." Toki said tilting his head to the side like a confused puppy.

"Ja, buts backs in de before times, we only has eachothers." Skwisgaar said.

He had meant the statement as a fact but it came out deep and profound. He leaned back and ran his long, elegant, pale fingers through his equally long, elegant, pale hair. The other two fell quiet again and Toki was starting to become annoyed at their moodiness.

"Well thens what means you before, Skwisgaar." Toki was determined to keep them all talking, even if his own speech was beginning to slip. "How does Pickle makes you here?"

"Do you mean 'causche he's the one that aschked you to join usch?" suggested Murderface.

"Wells, ja, thats too, but…" Skwisgaar paused and gulped the rest of his vodka, waiting for the burning sensation to settle before continuing, "I has never tolds yous guys dis, but Is almost lefts de band nears de beginings, just afters we was signs. Pickle talks me out of its." Nathan and Murderface sat silently, seemingly unsurprised by this little secret. Toki was not so nonchalant.

"Why woulds you leaves, Skwisgaar!" Real confusion and a little panic in Toki's voice "And why woulds you wants to be leavings just after whats havings been signed!" Toki sat there mouth lightly gaping with a slight plea in his eyes. He seemed afraid that it could actually happen, that both Pickles and Skwisgaar would leave Dethklok, especially after what Skwisgaar had said earlier about being in so many bands. Being pretty drunk now didn't help his thought processes.

Toki sat there expectantly as Skwisgaar let out a long sigh and ran his hand through his hair again. Obviously Nathan and Murderface were not going to help with this explanation. A klokateer materialised behind the bar; the same one that had finally had enough of his masters being served incorrectly and had relieved the bartender of his post. A shot glass and a bottle of chilled vodka appeared in front of each band member.

"Well Tokis," Skwisgaar began as he poured himself a nip, "before you was in de band, tings weren't so great." He threw back his head as he took the shot, wincing slightly.

"Ohs, really?" Toki said with a natural smile and poured himself a shot. Even if it was not a compliment Toki was going to take it as they were so rare coming from Skwisgaar's lips.

"Ja, Toki, there were a problem…"

"Magnusch Hammerschmith." Murderface mused. Nathan shot him a look that said 'say that name again and I will murder you with your own boots'. Toki looked to Murderface for clarification but he was retreating to the safe distance of the bathroom.

"…But Pickle kept us togethers and really helpeded us focus ons dem musics and nots dem bullshits whats was goings ons around us. So I decideds to stay a little bits longer." He propped his head in one hand and tapped rhythmically against the tiny glass absentmindedly. Skwisgaar could never keep his fingers still when he was nervous. He wanted to share his story of Pickles but having to tip toe around Nathan's temper made it barely worthwhile. He was way too drunk for that level of conversational dexterity and was glad when Nathan lurched the conversation forward.

"Pickles is the reason you're in Dethklok too, Toki. He's the one that said we needed two guitar players. Even after, well, all that shit went down." Nathan said taking another shot. "Arrg, fuck it. I had better find Murderface, we have to go soon." With that Nathan stumbled off towards the bathrooms. Skwisgaar and Toki sat alone, they both took a shot of vodka. Skwisgaar was more drunk than Toki on this occasion and that was a rare thing so Toki took advantage of this.

"Skwisgaar?"

"Ja?"

"Why Nathan say Pickle let me in Dethklok whens you did?"

"Whats? Ohs, well Pickle whats ams making me do de auditions. Fucking Dildos. I wanteds to bes a ones Guitars band. I means, whats if wes gots anothers Magnus? Hims fucking leads guitars! Pfft, I ams Leads, no ones ams as goods as me!" He was now resting his forehead up in his palm.

"Who ams Magnus?"

"No ones yous will ever meets."

"So whys you lets me ins?"

"I fuckings tolds you Toki…. Yous…. makes me plays better." He rubbed both his eyes with his palms and swayed backwards on his bar stool.

Even if it that was not a complement either, Toki would take it. Two almost-compliments from Skwisgaar in one night was damn near better than Christmas.

He would push it just a little further, "Anys other reason?".

"Huh? What de Fucks? No! That ams it! You makes me sounds betters, so I wants you."

"You are Schounding really gay tonight, Skwisgaar." Murderface had walked into their conversation on the last sentence.

Skwisgaar folded his arms on the bar and rested his head on them, his long golden hair shielded his face and cascaded over his shoulders.

"With all the goils Moiderface, I don't think I coulds fit them in!" He rebutted.

"Schee! Now you're asking me how many guysch I think you could fit. That's really, really gay!"

"Arrg, den I wills get de make-up tip froms Pickle and fucks de pretty boys, too. Pfft." He mumbled from under his hair.

Murderface stared disgusted at Skwisgaar and turned to Toki. "Did you hear that schit? And I've schared hotel roomsch with thish motherfucker! What the fuck! That'sch schome schick schit, man!"

"Goods ting you amn'st pretty den." Toki said with a small smile of defiance. Skwisgaar smiled privately, head still on his arms.

"Fuck you Toki! God knowsch what he'sch done with other bandsch, then. Like he schaid, he'sch been in, like, every one on the fucking planet! At least me and Nathan and Pickles are all fucking open about our old bands and the schit we got up to. This guy never tellsch usch schit!"

"Whats?! That ams bull's shits! Da first times I hears about Snakes an'Barrel was in de docsumentscrys yous guys whats were watchings!" Toki slurred. "And you and Nathans don'ts nots evers talk abouts other bands whats you was in."

"Yeah, well none of that schit even matters anymore. But I wouldn't try to reunite witsch any of those dildos anyway. Fuckin' Pickles. It'll end badly, mark my fuckin' wordsch! It'sch like getting back together witsch an old girlfriend, too much bullschit!" Murderface pointed a thumb in Skwisgaar's direction. "Or boyfriend in hisch casche, humph." Skwisgaar was still face down on the bar but his shoulders were tense now.

Nathan walked over and grabbed his bottle of vodka off the bar.

"Come on guys. I'm not going to put up with this bullshit any longer! We are going to force Pickles to see us before the concert. You know, to show our support or some shit." His voice trailed off as he took a swig directly from the bottle. Murderface grabbed his bottle and followed Nathan toward the hotel exit. Skwisgaar had not moved.

"Hey Skwisgaar? Skwisgaar?" Toki said. He had seen Skwisgaar pass out drunk before, but not **sad** pass out drunk. He didn't know quite how to handle this and he was pretty sure there were fans in the hotel taking pictures of head-on-the-bar Skwigelf, but the Klokateers usually took care of those things. Toki got up and bowed closer to Skwisgaar's head.

"Hey, we gots to gos now. Goings to see Pickle befores de shows." He stuck out a finger and pushed the sheet of long soft golden hair over Skwisgaar's shoulder to see a bit of his face.

He could definitely NOT deal with this. He was crying! Skwisgaar was fucking crying! In a fucking crowded bar! He flicked the golden shield back in place and stood there for a moment dumbfounded. He could just leave him there, the Klokateers could handle it, but he found he couldn't do that. Toki grabbed a napkin and slid it into Skwisgaar's most accessible hand. That's when the multibillion dollar fingers wrapped around his own and held his hand there on the bar. Oh for FUCK'S SAKE! Toki really had no idea how to deal with THIS and now he couldn't even get away.

It wasn't hysterical wailing (big plus), just light sobbing. Toki scanned the bar quickly. A Klokateer had confiscated some douchbag's camera phone and was now threatening him with a Taser. _Well at least he won't end up on the front page tomorrow,_ Toki thought. Skwisgaar was more drunk than he had been in a long time. Was he really that upset by Pickles's gig tonight? Toki pulled his hand away leaving the napkin clenched lightly in the blonde man's fist.

"Comes on Skwisgaar! We reallys haves to be goings!" He didn't have anything else to say.

Skwisgaar lifted his head enough to clean his face behind the golden waterfall. He then ran a hand through his hair to set it back into place.

"Fines den. Let's go." He said and without even looking at Toki he grabbed his bottle off the bar and stormed/staggered out of the Hotel. Toki, confused and annoyed, followed after him.


	2. 1-1 Railing Art

Chapter 1.1: Railing Art

After the most brutal show they had been to in a long time, the other three members of Snakes'N'Barrels were administered to hospital while Pickles returned home with Dethklok. Everyone was still very drunk and Pickles was still a little high from the totally-awesome-sweet-Alabama-liquid-snake (it hadn't had much effect on him anyway).

"Holy shit dude!" Nathan began as they poured into the lounge room. "That was one of the most brutal fucking things ever!"

Pickles slumped down in a chair and rubbed his head. "Those bastards used ta be able ta handle just about anything. Well I suppose that's what you get fer going sober for too long." He said.

"It's just been so inspirational, Pickles. Fuck! I gotta go write this shit down!" Nathan said and with that he took the stairs two at a time to go and muse in his room.

"Yeah, that was a great show but I'm scheriously fuckin' schpent for the evening." A blurry eyed Murderface informed the room as he yawned, "Not as bad asch that one though." He pointed to Skwisgaar who was face down on the couch with his yellow hair strewn all over the cushion. "His whoresch 'll be pissed off tonight. He schould of known better than to drink on an empty schtomach. Ha ha, Night guys." Murderface went up the stairs and off to his room.

Pickles sighed, "Alright, Blondie. Let's stop ya from swollowin' yer own tounge." He said as he attempted to roll Skwisgaar onto his side. Skwisgaar was thin but tall so there was still a lot of him to try and man handle, so Toki stumbled over and helped. Skwisgaar groaned a bit and said something utterly incomprehensible to Pickles and not just because he said it in Swedish.

"Wha'd he say, Toki?" The red-dreaded man asked.

"I don'ts knows?!" Toki responded.

The others had coined the phrase 'Snow Speak' to refer to the language the Scandinavian guitarists spoke to each other. This was a mixture of Norwegian and Swedish, suitably weighted for each of their mother tongues, with a lot of English nouns and a few choice adjectives and curse words from other European languages thrown in. Skwisgaar started rambling again and Toki leant in closer to try and decipher it.

"What about then? I head my name that time." Pickles asked.

"He says something likes "Pickle, you ams a giant dildo for leavings us but since yous ams not reallys den yous ams just a normals size dildo. Dats de concert was so fuckings brutal….""

"... _Jag måste kräkas."_

"...And he ams needings to puke." Toki finished obediently.

"How am I tha dildo here?! Arrg, wha'd ever. Come on, Toki. If we take an arm each he might be able ta at least pass out in his own bathroom." Pickles said.

They didn't make it. Half way up the stairs Skwisgaar broke their grip and vomited over the railing. The sound was sickening and the other two promptly followed suit and hurled their guts up over the railing as well. The mess on the floor below them should have been framed and hung in the Tate Modern.

"Fuck this!" Pickles said to Toki as he wiped the chunks out of his beard, "He'll be fine now. You can look after him, I'm goin' ta bed." He got up and began to walk up the stairs to his bedroom. The night had been too eventful and he was beginning to sober up.

"Why I's has to dos it!?" Toki complained.

"'caus he's jibberin' in that Snow Speak of yours, so you can feckin' deal with it." And the red head vanished down the hall.

Toki leaned against the railing and cleaned his mouth with his shirt. He glared down at Skwisgaar who was laying on his left side up the stairs groaning occasionally. Toki nudged him a little with the tip of his boot. He reckoned that if he nudged the Swedish sloth the right way he would slide right down the stairs. Toki decided against this because then he would have to go get him.

_"Hey, get up, Skwisgaar. Go to bed."_

_"hmmm…..No."_

_"Come on, you can't stay there."_

_"Can so."_

_"No you can't, come on, Pickles said I have to make sure you get to bed alright."_ Toki paraphrased.

"_Pickles! That dildo. It's like Murderface said…. Fucking…. Dark Star….. I like it here, Toki. FUCK! I liked it there, too!_" Skwisgaar slurred.

Skwisgaar somehow came off less arrogant in his native language but not by much. Currently being a shit faced, knee walking, spew drooling, sloppy mess on their own staircase didn't exactly add to his haughty demeanour. Skwisgaar's belt was digging into him so he shifted his hips exposing the pack of cigarettes in his jeans pocket. Toki extracted it and lit one up. He had no idea what Skwisgaar was on about but after the bar incident only two hours ago, he wanted to know.

"_Liked it where?"_ Toki pried at Skwisgaar.

_"Fucking…. Gothenburg! Fucking….. Dark Star! I was fucking happy and then it all went to shit_!" Skwisgaar slammed his palm into the stair to accent the sentence. "_Fucking… Pelle._"

Toki was intrigued. He sucked down on his cigarette and took a seat on the stairs next to Skwisgaar. No one really seemed to know much about the blonde man's past so Toki was going to exhaust this little conversation.

"_Who is Pelle?" He asked._

_"He was the singer from Dark Star. We all lived together in Gothenburg…Too many Danish there, the Danes are fucking scum! It was a big yellow house, Kornhallsvägen 55…had some fruit trees."_

_"Dark Star was an old band you were in?"_

_"Ja, It was my first real band. Not like the school band I was in, it was real, you know? Like a real band where you are all friends and live together and play real gigs?"_

_"Ja."_

_"Well I was only seventeen, Toki, only Seventeen. Only just seventeen too because the snow was starting to melt and when the first flowers came out we had already been there for like a month or two, I don't know. Wild flowers are the only good ones. Don't put nature in a pot! Unless it's actual pot, then it's ok….um…What was I saying?"_

_"Dark Star."_

_"Ja, Dark Star. The other guys were older than me, not by much, only one or two years, wait I think Johann was three years older. Anyway, we became friends at a festival and then decided to form a band together. We all moved into this house which belonged to one of the guys' parents or something, big yellow thing, it was all pretty quick. The heating was shit in that place and none of the doors would close properly but we were all just happy to be living together and making music, you know?"_

Toki did know because that's what he had been living every day since he joined Dethklok. He smiled at the thought of a Skwisgaar from ten years ago. Toki had only been eighteen when they had found him (you want to talk about a lack of heating and doors try being a street kid!). This new information formed a point Toki could tally in their ongoing game of one-up-manship.

Skwisgaar rolled over onto his back so as to allow blood flow to the left side of his body and groped for his packet of cigarettes in vain. Toki passed him the remainder of his (albeit he had to grab Skwisgaar's hand to keep it still and guide it into the drunken man's fingers) and lit a fresh one for himself.

"_So what happened?_" Toki asked.

_"Pfft,"_ Skwisgaar glanced up blearily at the brunette then continued. "_Well things were great for a while. Pelle and I got really close, real close, we had heaps of fun. He was ten months older than me but our bassist had just turned twenty so could buy the good alcohol for us. We tried distilling our own for a while there….um… oh yeah, Pelle found a pagan circle in a dark clearing up in the hills behind the house. He and I used to go up there in the summer with a box of wine and, FUCK!"_ He had dropped his lit cigarette onto his chest. He flicked it away and it did a perfect somersault through the bars of the railing and a 10/10 dive into the pool of sick below.

"_Fuck, that was close. Arrg, this is so uncomfortable._" Skwisgaar shifted onto his right side and faced Toki.

_"Then why don't you go to bed."_

_"Ja."_

_"Want some help?"_

_"Ja."_

Skwisgaar held out an arm for Toki to haul him up from. Toki stamped out his cigarette (the Klokateers have patents pending on several miracle carpet cleaners) and carefully hoisted Skwisgaar to his feet. Skwisgaar's other hand found the railing and they climbed slowly up the staircase.

_"So, what happened to Dark Star?_" Toki reminded him.

"_Huh? Well, we lived in that house and played together for about eighteen months. Big yellow house, had some fruit trees. They were the only other band I have ever lived with other than this one, you know? We recorded our debut album and got quite a name for ourselves in Gothenburg and the surrounding towns. We even did a few small tours_."

"_So what happened?_" Toki persisted.

"_Pelle fucked it all up by leaving us. He was very fucking talented, you know? Not just vocals but other stuff too. I remember he used to play the flute a lot, but not around the other guys, just me. Anyway, he was accepted to a fancy music school in Oslo."_

_"Oslo?"_

_"Yeah, fucking Norwegian government scholarship program or something. You and all your fucking oil money."_

_"Makes sense."_

_"Yeah. Anyway, we just couldn't replace him so the band broke up. He stayed in contact for a while but within two years he was married to some chick he met at the college. Pfft! Fucking married! Who does that? I mean… fucking seriously."_

They had finally reached Skwisgaar's room. Toki sat him down on the edge of his bed and the lead guitarist fell straight backward with his arms out onto the white fur blanket (the klokateers had given up trying to get the sex smell out of it).Toki sighed and resigned himself to having to tuck his band mate in. Usually he would just leave him there but he felt it was a kind of payment for the rare glimpse into Skwisgaar's past. He removed Skwisgaar's boots with great effort and then stood between the blonde man's knees and started to unbuckle his belt.

"_Toki?_" The spread out man asked as he looked up with one eye open, "_What are you doing?_"

"_Trying to get this belt off you so you can finally pass the fuck out and I can go do the same damn thing!_" Toki said as he fumbled with the buckle.

"_Oh, is that all._" Skwisgaar brought his hands down and undid it effortlessly. He pulled it off himself and threw the belt to the other side of the room. He then managed to wiggle his way to a more normal sleeping position lengthways on the bed. Toki sighed again as Skwisgaar was still laying on top of the fur blanket. The rhythm guitarist went around to the other side and threw the other half over Skwisgaar as if he were a pastry filling.

"_There, now try not to die in the night, ok?_" Toki said as he started walking out of the room but Skwisgaar called after him.

_"Hey Toki, where's my bedtime story?"_ He said to deliberately mess with the brunette further.  
_  
"What? No! Fuck off! What the hell kind of thing is that to ask for?"_

_"How about the German one with the two kids in the forest? That one's pretty brutal."_

_"Yeah that one is pretty brutal."_

_"There's a witch and everything,"_

_"Yeah."_

_"and a candy house,"_

_"I like candy."_

_"so tell me that one."_

_"Hell no!"_

_"A good night kiss, then?"_

"..."

_"Well?"_

_"Skwisgaar,"_

_"Ja?"_

_"go the fuck to sleep."_

_"Fine."_

The swede was passed out almost immediately. Toki turned out the light and went to find the comfort of his own Pillow. What a fucking night this had been.


	3. 2-0 The Cutesy Guy

Chapter 2.0 The cutesy guy

It had been about ten days since Toki had stopped being a self-proclaimed 'demon' because he was tired of everyone associating him with children.

He was sitting on his bed with his knees up and his head slumped back against the wall, staring at the few model planes hanging from the ceiling. The Klokateers had done a remarkable job at putting everything in his room back the way it had been (their in-house scientists had developed five new specialty cleaning products for removing the blood stains). He'd been such a jerk to his band mates, to the Wish for Something Foundation, to that little dead girl and now he was hiding from all of them in shame. He rolled his head to the side when his phone bleeped a text at him.

It was from Pickles [Quit mopin and com drick wit me!]. It was misspelled and succinct as per his usual drunk texts. Toki sighed.

Pickles must have run out of other drinking buddies for the evening if he wanted to hang out with him, Toki thought. _Not a bad idea to blackout. It might stop the dreams for tonight. _he thought more coherently. He made his way down to the main room and found Pickles in the hot tub surrounded by the empty carcases of the beers he had devoured. There were a lot by normal people standards but for Pickles he was just getting started. Toki walked over to him sombrely with his hands in his pockets looking apologetic.

"Heys Pickle." He said announcing his presence.

Pickles turned slightly and looked up at him. His eyes were a little unfocused and his classic crooked smile accented his face. "Hey there kid! I haven't seen ya in dayz. It's about time ya come out o' yer room." Pickles waved a beer at him "Hop in an' have a few wit' me." Toki looked hesitantly at the water for a moment. Pickles looked at him with a big friendly smile "Come on, Please?".

Toki let out a small sigh and began to remove his clothes. They had all lived together for so long that none of them had any shame about being naked in front of one another, especially Toki who was positively ripped. He slipped into the hot tub up to his waist. He didn't feel like getting his hair wet and so tied it up with the hair elastic he happened to have around his wrist. He then submerged the rest of his torso, accepted the beer from Pickles, drank about a quarter in one gulp, and lay back with a huge sigh.

"So how ya doin' kid? Ya had us all thoughaly pissed off at ya for a while there. You feelin' any better yet?" Pickles had decided to just attack the elephant in the room instead of letting it trample their conversation. Toki remained silent and took another swig of his beer. "Don't wanna talk about it, huh? Well there's other stuff ta talk about." He paused for dramatic effect, "I suppose."

"I sorry Pickle. I's was all screwed up insides. I knows I'ms de youngests buts…." Toki actually had no idea where he was going with this and so just gave up "…I don'ts knows." He slid down a little further and rested his head on the edge of the tub. His bunched up hair stopped him from sliding any further down as he stared up into one of the high corners of the room.

"You know, Toki, bein' young ain't a crime. Hell! The shit I did as a youngster, shit, most of that was probably a crime. Yeah, it definitely was. But, you know, ya have ta make mistakes like that. Do you know what I'm sayin?"

Toki looked over at Pickles who was finishing the last of his beer. "I mean, I had people all 'round me tryin' ta tell me what I should be doing, heh, well, more so what I shouldn't be doin'. And if I had listened to all o' them fuckin' dildos then I wouldn't be where I am today. Ya know?"

Pickles twisted a little to grab a pack of open cigarettes and a lighter. He lit two in his mouth and passed one to Toki without him asking for it, Pickles just considered it good manners. Toki accepted the cigarette and inhaled deeply while he listened to Pickles continue. He didn't feel like talking much himself but he was in the mood to listen.

"When I was growin' up, everyone always had somethin' ta say about how much I drank. Each and every motherdouchebag I met had a fuckin' opinion on it, and the drugs. They'd say things like, 'oh, your gunna ruin your future, whot about college?' when not one of those fuckers eve' thought I was gunna go anyway." Pickles took a drag of his cigarette and tapped the ash off in the ashtray next to him.

"My high school music teacher, Mr. Gibson, he was cool tho'. An old school rocker that grew up in tha seventies 'n' eighties. He always used ta say how dugs today ain't what they used ta be, heh, an' that was a while ago now. I recon if it weren't for him, I wouldn't 'ave been able ta finish high school, not after that shit went down with my father." Pickles took a long swig of his beer to dampen the memories of his father. The silence that followed made Toki nervous.

"So how ams your teachers helpings you?" Toki asked, just to keep the suitably off topic conversation rolling.

"Oh, well the best way he knew how! By teachin' me music. He'd let me jus' hang out in tha music room an' play around on all the instruments 'n' shit. He'd talk ta me about the punk scene in England when he lived there. About tha Rock scene in L.A., shit like that. Heh, and he never once said shit about how drunk or fucked up I was in that room. I thought I was hidin' it real well or somthin' but I know better now. I dunno Toki, maybe he just knew because he'd been there, yer know?" He took a last drag of his cigarette and stubbed it out in the ashtray.

"Beens where?" Toki enquired, he was now actually interested in the story.

"You know, been like me at that age, or something. He just kinda knew that everything would be alright for me, eventually. That I should just be me and if that me was a dood that drank half a bottle o' whisky, snorted three lines o'coke an' then rocked out on stage, then so be it! Anyhoo, the point I'm tryin' ta make here is that you gotta fuck up to find yer way in life. If I'd o' done all the ''right'' things back then, then I'd o' never ended up in Dethklok. If it feels good then do it! You don't know where it'll take ya but you'll be happier getting' there." Pickles opened another beer.

"Yeahs but I's not a teensgager anymore, Pickle." Toki said huffily, trying to figure out how this was meant to be relevant to his situation anyway.

"I know that! You're like, what, Mid-twenties?"

"Twenties Three."

"God, you're still so young!"

"I's not dat young! Yous all treats me likes a kid most of de times."

"Dood! You act like a freaking kid most o' tha time!"

"So whats? I should go backs to beings _über_ brutal?"

"FUCK NO! You were a fucking ASSHOLE!"

Toki sat up just so he could bow his head in embarrassment. Pickles held his hand to his forehead and sighed. He hadn't meant for it to come out like that.

"Look Toki, my point is, ya did somethin' stupid an' now ya grown from it but ya don't need ta grow up just yet 'cause there'll be more fukin' up later. Just be you. You get me?"

Toki looked up and blinked his sky blue, puppy-dog eyes at Pickles then scrunched up his features in thought before responding with "Nos."

"Arrg, I dunno what I'm even tryin' ta say anymore. Look, Just do what you like doin'. Donn't change tha way you are 'cause ya think ya have to. Just be regular old Toki."

"Whats? Da Cutesy guy whats everyone cans makes de fun ofs?" Toki said into his beer.

"Oh, fuck it! Arrh. Yeah, fine Toki! If that's how you wanna see it. Yeah, the cutsie guy. The one that we all like ta pal around and goof off with. The one that puts up wit' all our shit! The one that we all have ta look after all the time. Yeah, that one! So just stay our Toki a bit longer 'cause tha world'll fuck ya up and change ya later on anyway!" Pickles was a bit surprised at his own words and looked away from Toki, "So, yeah, just… do that then." He finished his beer and announced "I gutta go take a leak." Leaving Toki alone in the hot tub.

Toki lit up another cigarette and sat in the bubbling water in quiet contemplation. So even though he was an immature, cutesy, childish idiot, they still wanted him around. In addition to that, it was the immature, cutesy, childish idiot version of him that they liked the most. His musings were interrupted by the sound of the other band members entering the room. Toki looked over to see Nathan, Murderface and Skwisgaar carrying Dimmu Burger bags. Nathan spotted Toki in the hot tub.

"Oh, good, it's about fucking time. We got you your double cheeseburger with extra cheese and two orders of fries." He said to Toki in a completely casual tone. Toki was smiling broadly to himself as a tall shadow fell across his face. Skwisgaar had walked up behind him, gently placed the toe of his boot on Toki's hair and crouched down next to him.

"What ams you so smilings about?" he asked the younger man. Not because he was interested but because it would activate the boot-on-hair trap that he had constructed.

"Heys!" Toki exclaimed when he realised he was trapped by the swede. Skwisgaar plucked the cigarette out of Toki's hand and stood up without releasing him. Toki glared up at him from the tub (it was like watching a tortoise on its back).

"Cigarettes ams nots for babys like you." He explained as he brought it to his lips. He stepped off Toki's hair and walked back towards the others. Toki spun around and pulled himself half out of the water with his palms on the floor. His natural reaction to pretty much anything Skwisgaar did to him was indignant irritation however Pickles's conversation was still fresh in his mind. So instead of grabbing the swede by the ankle and trying to drown him in the hot tub he called out after him.

"Well den if I ams a babys den I ams **your** baby and you ams stuck with me!" He said in his best argumentative voice.

Pickles had joined the others and chuckled in time with Nathan at Toki's outburst. Murderface just sigh and groaned at it. Skwisgaar turned back around and considered Toki, raising one eyebrow at him. He then exhaled smoke through his nostrils like a dragon in thought. A corner of Skwisgaar's perpetual pout twisted upward as he looked down at an undignified Toki hovering half out of the water.

"Pfft, if yous says so, baby." He said as he turned back towards the others. Toki smiled behind Skwisgaar's back as he walked away.

"Scheriously! Do you two realisch how fucked up you sound? Weird assch Europeansch, geesch!" Murderface remarked. "Schpeaking of schuch, there'sch a Kitschen Calamities marathon on tonight. Two scheasons back to back."

"Is that that show were there's that real dick English chef that fucking screams at people?" Nathan asked conversationally.

"Yea' tha one wit' tha stoopid accent?" Pickles asked. The poetic irony of this sentence lost to him.

"Yeah, that'sch the one." Murderface confirmed.

"Dood! I heard that he, like, berated some guy so hard that he killed himself by burning down his own rest'urant but, like, he was still inside it." Pickles slurred.

"Wow. That's pretty fucking brutal." Nathan commented, "Yeah let's watch that. Toki, hurry up and get over here. Your food's getting cold."

Toki climbed out of the hot tub, dried himself off and threw on his jeans to join the others. He smiled all through dinner. This was his role in the band, he thought, his role was the cute little brother. Someone to pal around with and look out for and doing that made the older brothers happy in their own way. He could live with that, for now.


	4. 2-1 The Kitchen Floor

Chapter 2-1 The Kitchen floor

Nathan had had a burst of inspiration when some guy on Kitchen Calamities had actually pissed himself and dropped a knife through his foot and so had gone upstairs to find his lyrics note pad. Murderface had presumably gone to take a shit. Pickles was in the house kitchen mixing himself a jug of Mojitos and so Skwisgaar and Toki sat alone on the couch together. Skwisgaar grabbed a pack of smokes off the coffee table and then uncharacteristically lit two in his mouth and passed one to Toki. Toki looked at him suspiciously before accepting the cigarette.

"Nots for Babys, huh?" He said incredulously.

"Ja, wells, yous ams a BIG baby, so I gives you dis ones dis times."

Skwisgaar leaned back into the couch, inhaled deeply and then exhaled at the ceiling.

"Goods to sees you decides to stop being a dildos. Yous had us worrieds." Skwisgaar said still starring at the chandelier.

"Reallys? Yous was all worrieds about me?" Toki asked from his slumped position next to him.

"Whats? Wells, you know Tokis. It's just dat tryings to finds a replaskments guitarists woulds have beens a big pains. So it's good for de band dat yous your normal selfs agains, you knows." The blonde man flicked his ash and took a swig of his beer without looking at Toki.

"Oh, I's see." Said Toki lamely and took another drag of his cigarette. Skwisgaar glanced at Toki and then back to the ceiling.

"Ja, wells, it ams not likes we be needings two gutairs anyways. So I wouldn't bothers to be replacings you. But thens we couldn't plays any of de songs we has written so fars and that woulds be a bigs pain toos." Skisgaar looked over at Toki, "So I suppose, it ams better dis way."

Toki exhaled smoke as he leant slowly forward to put out his cigarette. It was a warm night and he had not bothered to put the rest of his clothes back on. His long brown hair shifted forward over his shoulders and Skwisgaar caught a glimpse of the very pale latticework of scars on Toki's back. They were so old now that you would not see them immediately but Skwisgaar had seen Toki shirtless many times over the years and had eventually noticed them. All of the band members had noticed them at some point but no one had ever said anything about them, not even to each other. It just seemed like a story they didn't want to hear and each of them had stories they didn't want to tell, so the subject had never come up.

Toki never seemed to be self-conscious about the scars. Skwisgaar had previously speculated that Toki may have been mauled by an animal when he was younger or that maybe a large tree branch had fallen on him, but the pattern was wrong, it was… repeated. He thought about how they had first found him, some street kid with a gift for the guitar, not as gifted as himself, but not all that bad. He imagined what life would have been like if he had made a different decision all those years ago but he kept coming back to the same conclusion.

"Ja, I likes it betters dis way." Skwisgaar said more to himself than to Toki and looked away to the television. Toki rested his elbows on his knees and looked over at Skwisgaar with a smirk.

"Me toos. I gets another beers, you wants one?" he said very casually.

"Ja." Skwisgaar said flatly. Skwisgaar turned his head and watched Toki's hair fall into place on his back as he got up and walked towards the kitchen. He allowed one corner of his mouth to curl upwards as he remembered the time Toki had gotten model glue in his hair. Toki had refused to have it cut out and so he had used all manner of chemicals to dissolve the glue. It had bleached that section of hair slightly and made Toki reek of solvent for two days. Skwisgaar sipped the last of his beer and stared blankly at the television, lost in his own reminiscence.

Murderface came back into the room and slumped in his chair.  
"What'd I missch?" he asked Skwisgaar.

"Huh? Oh, ah, de screamy chefs guy picks up de plates of foods an' throws dem at de ones who cooks dem. Den he calls dem all "bloody wankers" an' den de sous chef quits." He answered Murderface just as Toki and Pickles returned from the kitchen. Nathan was now coming down the stairs note book in hand.

"Ha! Scherves thosche dildosch right!" He said as he leaned back into his chair.

"Hey whats ams a 'bloody wankers'?" Toki asked as he placed four beers on the table and sat down, "Ams thats like some guy whats uses de bloods to jacks off?"

"Oh, that's good right there. I'm writing that down." Said Nathan as he sat on the other couch next to, a now pretty damn drunk, Pickles.

"Na, I think it's like, some dood that jacks off so hard his fucking dick starts ta bleed." Pickles slurred.

"Which I have done." Murderface stated proudly.

"Wowee! Yous a bloody wanker, Murderface!" Toki said in exactly the same English accent as the screaming chef.

Everyone cracked up laughing. They laughed so hard that Pickles actually fell off the couch and Skwisgaar had to rest his beer on the coffee table as he held his middle with the other hand. Nathan was slapping his thigh and Murderface leaned back and released raw laugher to the ceiling. This went on for three rounds of between 2-3 Minutes until everyone was red in the face and gasping for breath.

"Oh, Toki, we've missed you." Nathan said as he still struggled to catch his breath.

"I'll drink ta that!" Pickles seconded.

Skwisgaar's laughter was still trailing off as he leant over and in an act of mirth, put an arm around Toki and pulled him into a sideways hug. "Ja, I misses you too, yous little goof ball." he said and he lightly bumped heads before he released the shirtless younger man.

Toki beamed at Skwisgaar and then at the others. He had never before felt luckier, more content or more at home than he had in that moment. Toki also had a bad habit of caring for others and so soured the moment by thinking of that little girl and how she could never have this happiness. How he could have laughed and talked and played games with her and given her this feeling before she… He threw his head back and took a long gulp to finish his beer.

He then stood up quickly and headed for the kitchen. The idea of blacking out tonight suddenly again seemed like a good idea, he was already halfway there. Skwisgaar noticed his expression and body language. He told himself he didn't care but after a few moments he casually followed Toki into the kitchen leaving the other band mates to laugh at a 5 minute breathless berating that some douchebag was getting over an overcooked steak. He found the rhythm guitarist with his back to him on the other side of the kitchen. He had the left over White Rum from Pickle's Mojitos and he was swigging it straight from the bottle. Skwisgaar swayed a little and steadied himself against the door frame.

"What ams with you, Toki?" He asked masking his genuine concern under his usual arrogant smoke screen.

Toki put the bottle down on the bench but kept a hand clenched around the neck and used his other hand to steady himself. He lowered his head and his long brown hair fell forward to shield his face from view. Skwisgaar found himself staring at the scars again. What could have made them?

"Toki? Ams you ok?" Skwisgaar said with his concern beginning to break through.

"I's fine." Toki replied in a small voice.

"Wells you was all happys and den all of de suddens you storms off. So you ams obvisoklys not fines." The swede replied in analytical tones. Silence came from the other man and Skwisgaar's façade began to crumble. He began to walk across the kitchen.

"Toki…"  
"I'S FINE!" Toki snapped as he spun around to face the lead guitarist, bottle in hand. "I's fine! I ams de happiest I has beens in my whole fuckings lifes!"

Skwisgaar took in the vision in front of him. There stood his band mate in nothing but a pair of jeans, swaying on the spot, bottle in hand, tears streaming down his cheeks and he was proclaiming how happy he was and not apparently in sarcasm. The lead guitarist suddenly felt very sober and in a moment of clarity closed the door behind him with his arrogant façade dropping entirely.

"_What's wrong, Toki? Tell me."_ He said in more commanding tones than he intended but this was softened by his switch to their private communication channel. In spite of this, or maybe because of it, Toki broke down completely there on the kitchen floor. Skwisgaar stood in shock for a moment as the fluorescent lighting made this scene so much more real, real to the point where it became surreal. Toki let out a raw, uncontrolled wail. He slid down the kitchen cupboards until he was crumpled up and bleating like a lamb into his knees. His arms lay limp at his side but he still refused to release the bottle neck.

"_Why do I get to be happy? Why do I get to feel this happiness and she can't?!"_ Toki stammered and wailed from the floor. "_She can't because she's dead! And I'm the one who fucking killed her!_" he brought his arms up and hugged his knees tightly, still not releasing the bottle. "_I killed her! I killed her! I killed her! I fucking killed her! It's all my fucking fault! I killed her…" _ he trailed off into more raw hysterical wailing.

Skwisgaar quickly ran through his options for this situation. This was not something he knew how to deal with but he had taken it upon himself by pushing the issue. He grabbed a chair and propped it up against the door to stop anyone coming into the kitchen. He then steeled himself, went over to the shaking Norwegian mess on the floor and knelt down in front of him. Toki looked up with his puffy, wet, winter sky blue eyes into Skwisgaar's Arctic Ocean blue ones. Skwisgaar ran his fingers through Toki's hair until his palm came to rest on the back of Toki's head. He then leaned in close and kissed Toki on the forehead for a full ten seconds. Toki's hysteria subsided even though his breathing was still sharp and shallow. He looked back into the deep blue eyes not quite sure of what had just happened.

"_There. You feel better now?"_ The older man asked with gentle words. Toki sniffled a little and nodded not breaking their gaze. "_Good. It always helped when my mother would do it to me."_ And he stroked Toki's hair out of his face a few times. Toki finally let go of the bottle, threw his arms around Skwisgaar's neck and pulled him into an embrace. He then proceeded to rhythmically sob into the swede's shoulder and shook with each inhaled breath. Skwisgaar's new imitation maternal behaviour found him holding the brunette and lightly stroking the back of his head until he had calmed down enough to regain human function. Skwisgaar hated the idea that he was imitating his mother, even though he actually did so quite often. This was definitely not metal.

He was eternally grateful for the chair he had propped against the door when he heard the sound of Nathan's deep voice on the other side. Both Scandinavians looked towards the door as Nathan tried to open it.

"What the fuck?" Nathan said to himself as the door stuck. He tried it again.

The two huddled figures' survival instincts kicked in and both stood up so quickly their heads spun slightly. Toki steadied himself against the bench and began franticly wiping his eyes and nose with every available inch of his exposed arms and hands. Skwisgaar's long legs crossed the kitchen in a few strides and quickly slid the chair away back toward the table. Nathan opened the door to Skwisgaar backing away from the entrance. He looked suspiciously at both of his guitarist.

"What's going on in here?" he asked the two guilty looking men. Toki had both his palms on the lip of the bench and was looking down and off to the side. Nathan turned to Skwisgaar for answers.

"Have you two to been fighting again?" he looked accusingly at the tall blonde figure in front of him. Skwisgaar jumped at this excuse.

"Ja, well, you knows, I tells him he ams drunks and should goes to the beds but he don'ts want to. Fucking cry babys." Skwisgaar regretted his use of words the moment they came out of his mouth. He stood there in shameful silence and could feel the light blue eyes bore into his back, angry and betrayed. Toki gathered what little coordination he had left and stormed out of the kitchen past Skwisgaar and Nathan. Nathan's eyes followed Toki as he left the room then snapped back at Skwisgaar with an angry fire. The Swede had recomposed his usual aloof demeanour and so met his stare.

"What the hell did you do to him?" Nathan said in his paternal tone. He had always felt a need to look after Toki in a fatherly sense, which was, in all honesty, probably a prelude to the onset of a midlife crisis. "He's finally snapped out of whatever fucking thing he was in and you can't even go one fucking day without fighting with him!" Skwisgaar crossed his arms in front of him and looked away. "Well?" Nathan snapped.

"He amn'st snapped outs of it, Nathan." The swede said flatly still looking away. Nathan then noticed the damp patch on Skwisgaar's black shirt. Was Toki?… but Skwisgaar wouldn't?...Would he? Nathan wasn't quite sure what to make of this.

"Arrh,so, should someone, I mean, like…. Go check on him or something?" Nathan asked genuinely. The actual parenting part didn't always come that naturally to him.

"Ja. Yous should gos does that." Skwisgaar said and pushed past Nathan.

"What? You don't want to, err, go do it?" Nathan enquired, testing his suspicions about the slimy watermark on Skwisgaar's shirt.

"Nos, I can'ts keep de ladies waitings any longers!" Skwisgaar called back over his shoulder. He then retired to his room and screwed two women old enough to be his mother. Freud would have had a field day!


	5. 2-2 OD Autopilot

Chapter 2-2 OD Autopilot

Nathan overrode his concern for Toki dubbing it 'unmetal' and did not go and check on him, instead he returned to the couch and watched the remainder of the Kitchen Calamities Marathon with the other two. On the way to bed though, the niggling paternal feeling took over again and he was drawn to the opposite end of the hall by the light under Toki's door. He knocked.

"Toki?" No response, he knocked again. "Toki, it's Nathan." He said, as if his voice could be any Death Metal singer's but still no response. At that moment Pickles was walking past and glanced down the hall at Nathan outside Toki's room. He sauntered over to investigate the situation. Nathan knocked again, "Toki?" and this time opened the door. Nathan and Pickles both walked inside the room. The light was on and Toki was passed out on top of this bed facing the wall still in only his jeans. He had pulled his hair over his face to block out the light and had miraculously not spilled the half a bottle of vodka clutch to his chest.

Nathan sighed and began to rummage around in the closet for a blanket to throw over him. Pickles wandered over to the sleeping figure and glanced at his back. Maybe the scars were from a skiing accident? Norwegians loved that shit.

"Poor, lil' guy." Pickles said softly as he pried the bottle out of Toki's hand and placed it on the night stand next to a full ashtray and a pill bottle. A very familiar looking pill bottle…. "Oh, shit." He rolled Toki onto his back and pushed his hair out of his face. Foamy, vodka-ry, vomit ran down his cheek and there was a pool on the bed where his head had been. Pickles went into over-dose-autopilot clearing the unconscious man's airway then checking his pulse, temperature, pupils and breathing. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, OH SHIT!" he said as he checked each of the unconscious man's vitals, none of which were good.

"What? What's wrong?" Nathan asked as he turned around. Pickles had his head on Toki's clammy bare chest and looked panic stricken. This answered Nathan's question for him. "Oh, shit." Nathan said flatly and stared wide eyed at his drummer.

"Dood, we gotta get him to tha E.R.! He's fuckin' O.D.'ed on some o' tha strongest tranqu's I got! That shit's gotta come out right fuckin' NOW!" Pickles informed the front-man.

Nathan wordlessly and effortlessly scooped up the damp, limp mass of denim and hair and ran as best he could to the Mordhaus emergency room. Pickles ran ahead of him, opening doors and pushing the buttons on the slowest elevator in the fucking world!

They finally reached the Hospital wing of Mordhaus and were received by two medical Klokateers.  
"My Lords!" They said in unison.

"Quick! Toki's ovadosein' on Nembutal! Nembutal an' alcohol!" Pickles informed the Medical staff and as quick as lightning the staff produced a stretcher which Nathan placed him on. Toki was then attended to by hooded nurses who wheeled him away through the large double doors into the emergency ward.

Nathan and Pickles stood there staring after him and panting slightly.

"He's going to be alright, isn't he?" Nathan said franticly to Pickles. "I mean, he's going to be alright, right? Isn't he? He'll be ok, I mean, we got to him in time. Right?"

"I donno, Nathan, I donno." Pickles wanted to comfort his friend but also didn't want to lie to him, "He was pretty far gone, dood. Totally unresponsive but he was still breathing…. Jus' barely, tho."

Nathan collapsed in one of the nearby chairs with his face in his palms. "FUCK! FUCK, PICKLES! Why didn't I go check on him sooner! Why didn't I just do it straight away like Skwisgaar fucking told me to?!" Something clicked in Nathan's head and he latched onto the thought like a bullterrier, "Skwisgaar...This is all that fucking Swedish prick's FAULT! He upset the little guy tonight and now look what's fucking happened!" Nathan suddenly sprang from his chair and headed for the elevator. This bullterrier was going to sink his teeth into that blonde hare and shake until his neck snapped!

"Wo wo wo, wo up, Nathan!" Pickles sprinted in front of him and held out his arms to block his path. "Beatin' blondie to a pulp won't help anything right now."

"**I don't fucking care!** I'm going to get some fucking answers out of that fucking Eurotrash, bastard, pretty boy!" Nathan argued, in a Nathan way.

"Ok! Fine, but not right now. We need ta make sure Toki 'll be alright first. Besides, do ya really wanna scare the shit outta tha girls he's got in there? I know they're just groupies but, still, they don't need that at two in tha mornin'. Come on?" Pickles rebutted as he tried to reason with the black haired beast man in front of him.

Nathan considered this and concluded that he could, indeed, beat the shit out of the Arian Lothario after they made sure Toki was OK. At that point the elevator doors behind Pickles opened and Charles emerged from it in his dressing gown.

"Nathan, Pickles, I've been informed that Toki has been admitted to the emergency ward. What happened?" Their manager asked curtly.

Nathan sat down with his forehead in his palm and let out a growl that transformed into a long sigh. "Pickles, you tell him." He said when he realised he didn't have the mental energy to give a coherent explanation. Pickles lit three cigarettes, passed one to Nathan, one to Charles (which Charles only accepted to be polite) and then proceeded to recount the events of the last 15 minutes.

"I see." Charles said, "Well the most important thing right now is Toki's welfare. He can give an explanation for his behaviour later. That's if he's , er, able to." Charles looked at both of them separately with concern. "Have the other two been informed?" He asked.

"Err, no, not yet." Pickles began, "I don't think I could put up with Murderface right now an' Nathan has to be kep' as far away from Skwisgaar as possible at tha moment."

"Oh? Why is that, Nathan?"

"**BECAUSE THIS WHOLE THING IS ****_HIS_**** FUCKING FAULT!**" Nathan bellowed from his seat.

"Ok…. Do you want to, er, elaborate on that?"

"No."

"Very well, then. It doesn't change the current situation anyway." Charles conceded.

They sat there in silence for a while and chain smoked. They needed anything to pass the time and so conversed over the last album and how well it had turned out. Charles tried to explain what a class action lawsuit actually was and gave some details on how he had gotten them out of it. Pickles nervously slapped out drum beats on his thighs and Nathan tried to make himself feel better by looking up porn on his phone. About an hour and a half went by before a staff member finally emerged from the double doors and all three jumped up from their seats in anticipation.

"Sires, the young lord seems to have stabilised." The hood informed them.

A collective, smoky, sigh of relief.

"Thank god fer that." Pickles said as he slumped back down into his chair. He took out his phone and texted the other two band members. It was now 3:48am.

"Ha ha, Yeah." Nathan laughed nervously as a shiny, happy ball of relief formed in his chest. He sat back down and put his head in both hands smiling broadly. "Yeah, thank god for that, any god. Fucking all of them!"

The Medical Klokateer turned to address Charles who stood there expectant of more details. "We administered a gastric lavage procedure however a fair quantity of the sedative had already been absorbed into his system. He is currently undergoing hemodialysis to clear out as much of the drug as possible. In addition, due to his high blood alcohol level in conjunction with his diabetes, the stabilisation of his blood glucose levels has been a challenge for us thus far. We expect him to remain comatose for the length of the procedure, so several more hours at least. Possibly longer. It is unfortunate that we could not have administered treatment sooner."

Nathan's smile disappeared as the guilt washed over him.

"Thank you, 8112. Notify me immediately of any changes to his condition, good or bad and no matter how small, understood?" Charles said to the medical staff member.

"Of course, sire." Responded 8112 and began to bow out of the room back through the double doors.

"WAIT!" Nathan commanded 8112, "I want to see him."

"Sire, it is ill advised for the young lord to have visitors at present." 8112 responded as delicately as possible.

"I DON'T CARE! I WANT….I want to see…to see him." Nathan said trailing off awkwardly.

"As you wish, sire." 8112 responded reluctantly. Charles explained that he wished to call in a medical specialist and returned to his office, so 8112 lead the front man and drummer into the ward.

Toki lay there with a drip in one arm and two tubes running from the other into the dialysis machine. He was also hooked up to a heart monitor and another machine was helping him breath. There were a few other monitors as well and everything around him whirred and beeped and blipped periodically. One of the nurses had plaited his hair off to the side to stop it tangling. Nathan thought this was a nice touch and thanked the nurse in this head. The two band members walked over to the bed and looked down at their rhythm guitarist, speechless.

"It was a good thing he came here when he did. Any longer and I fear he would have been beyond our help." 8112 said mater-of-factly and went off to discuss something on a clipboard with one of the nurses.

Nathan put a large, black nail painted hand on Toki's shoulder and squeezed gently. So even if it had been at the last minute, they had saved him after all. Something funny was happening to his eyes, like when he got too much smoke in them. It must be all the chemicals in here, he thought. That's what was making them water, it must be, because Pickles's eyes were watering too.

At that moment a very out of breath tangle of golden hair and dressing gown crashed into the ward. Skwisgaar stood there panting as he glanced quickly around at both of his band mates and then shifted his vision to the pale Norwegian pin cushion laying in the hospital bed between them. He began walking over to them but Nathan began to growl like a yard wolf protecting his meal. He took three long strides across the room and punched Skwisgaar hard in the abdomen. Skwisgaar crumpled down like an accordion as he clutched at his stomach coughing in pain and utterly perplexed.

"Oh SHIT! DOOD! Not here!" Pickles screamed. Nathan stood over Skwisgaar with clenched fists and growled from the darkest part of his larynx. "Dood, Please?" Pickles had resorted to begging and Nathan would not deny his friend. The Front man grabbed the crumpled lead guitarist by the front of his dressing gown and hauled him bodily through the big double swing doors and into the waiting room. "Oh, shit." Pickles said under his breath and followed after them.

Nathan threw Skwisgaar into one of the chairs but continued to clench tightly to the front of his robe.

"What de FUCKS?!" Skwisgaar asked aptly pissed off.

"What in the NINE HELLS did you say to Toki tonight to make him want to FUCKING **KILL HIMSELF**!" Nathan demanded.

Skwisgaar's mouth fell open and his eyes went wide. He was struck dumb in all languages. Nathan shook him violently,

"**FUCKING ANSWER ME!**"

Skwisgaar still couldn't find a coherent sentence. Nathan raised his other fist and struck the swede right on one of his perfect cheekbones, splitting the skin. The slender man spat blood. Skwisgaar figured that the best place for him to fight Nathan would be in the emergency ward so he launched himself upward and caught Nathan with an uppercut. The black haired man stumbled backward slightly then glared greedily at the tall arrogant target that had presented itself to him. Pickles's eyes went the size of dinner plates when he realised that Skwisgaar was about to stop being the fastest guitarist _alive_.

"OOOOHHH, SHHIITT, NOOOOO!" Pickles screamed as he did the stupidest thing he had done in his life up to that point and he jumped between them. Nathan's fist was unstoppable and planted itself right in Pickles's sternum. He fell/flew backwards onto Skwisgaar knocking him back into his chair and falling to the ground himself, coughing.

"Holy shit! Pickles! Are you OK!?" Nathan lent down to assess his friend's condition and now ignored the swede's presence. Pickles began to breathe again and Nathan lifted him up onto one of the seats next to Skwisgaar. "Why the fuck did you do that, you crazy fucker?" He asked the wheezing red head not really expecting an answer as he sat down on the other side of him. Pickles reassured himself that he was not, in fact, dead and having an 'inside body experience' and then did what every person who is having trouble breathing does, he lit a smoke. He lit three, actually, and handed one to each of his band mates on either side. They smoked in silence for a minute before Skwisgaar spoke up. He had finally found speech again and as a bonus, in English.

"Did Tokis, reallys try to…." He couldn't bring himself to actually say it, since he didn't want to believe it was true.

"Yeah, it looks like it. We found him passed out and close to death in his room with a bunch of sedatives and half a bottle of vodka. They recon he's stabilised now but he'll still be out cold for a few hours." Nathan stated. "You know something about it, don't you?!" Nathan growled but did not make any attempt to move from his seat. Pickles just coughed and looked at the lead guitarist expectantly. Skwisgaar took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled loudly.

"Ja, maybes. He ams really happies an' den he looks really sads so I follows him to de kitchens to finds out what ams up with dat." Skwisgaar said trying not to give away too many details of their time together on the kitchen floor.

"And then what." Nathan was getting to the bottom of this. Skwisgaar took another long drag coupled with a loud exhale.

"Den he tells me he ams fines but he ams…" He really didn't want to tell them.

"He was what?"

It had been a private moment between him and Toki. He didn't want his band mates to think less of the little goof-ball Norwegian or himself for acting so incredibly 'unmetal'. Even if he had nearly just killed himself, he wasn't going to let that one slip.

"Well, he was drunks and… not fines." Skwisgaar ended vaguely.

Nathan's brain cleared slightly and the whole scene from earlier that evening came into perspective. Toki hiding his face, the snotty wet mark on Skwisgaar's shirt and the filthy look he had shot the swede on the way out. Toki had been crying in the tall man's arms there in the kitchen and Nathan had interrupted it. He felt incredibly and irrationally jealous. He would have liked to be the one that Toki had turned to in his time of need.

"You could have come and gotten me." Nathan said much to Skwisgaar's surprise, "In the future, come and get me."

Skwisgaar thought about this and wasn't sure that he would. His cheek had now doubled in size and he could barely sit up straight due to his new liver bruise. He wasn't going to do the front man any favours for a long time.

"Can I sees him?" Skwisgaar asked as he put out his cigarette on the arm rest. Pickles had another little coughing fit but nodded a yes at Skwisgaar.

"Yeah. I'll stay here with Pickles, though. He'll be out for a while, so I guess we can just wait for them to call us when he wakes up, or something." Nathan said not wanting to subject himself to the chemicals in that room again.

"Oks." Skwisgaar said as he got up and hobbled through to the emergency ward.

He saw Toki laying there for the second time and it still hurt him, almost as much as the first time when Nathan had socked him. He went over to the sedentary figure and clasped one of his limp hands in his own. He stood there for several minutes with tidal waves of guilt and relief crashing over him.

Skwisgaar had woken up to a text message from Pickles saying that Toki had nearly died and was in the emergency ward, no other details. Skwisgaar had immediately clambered over his grannies, grabbed his dressing gown and ran straight to the E.R. In the slow-as-fuck elevator, he had flashes of all the horrible accidents that people regularly had around Mordhaus and superimposed Toki into all of those scenarios. After the events that transpired in the kitchen, the empty pill bottle had actually been one of those scenarios. Maybe he had tried to kill himself after all?

"_If this is my fault, Toki, then I'm so sorry."_ Skwisgaar said quietly and squeezed his hand._ "I'm so, so, so sorry. You're right, you're my baby and I'll try to look after you better from now on, ok?"_ Skwisgaar cooed and stoked the top of his head. Nathan had cracked the door open a little and was listening and watching on in silence.

_"I'll do that for you if you never do anything like this again, deal?" _The dishevelled and bruised man bent down and brushed his cheek against the sleeping man's hand enveloped in his own. Nathan watched on and that feeling of protective jealously irrationally coiled up inside his chest. He wished he knew what the swede was saying. None of this was very metal, he thought, except that Toki had essentially been brought back from the dead. He would defiantly have to write a song about this but with tits, fire and blood in it to cover up the true meaning. Also to make sure it actually sold.

Skwisgaar pulled away from the bed and walked back towards the doors wiping his eyes (there were way too many chemicals in here). Nathan shrank away from the door without being seen and returned to his seat. They were each given an icepack and some anti-inflammatory pain killers from the medics. Hospitals really were the best places to fight.

Nathan helped pickles to his room then Skwisgaar and Nathan walked along the hall towards their own respective chambers.

"Hey Skwisgaar, about the, ah," He pointed to his own cheek to indicate the cut on the other man's face "Well, you know, seeing Toki nearly dead kinda freaked me out and, ah, I was convinced you were responsible, but you got me pretty good too, so, arrh, like , no hard feelings then?" Nathan had an issue with real apologies. He didn't have a problem with the actual words 'I'm sorry' but when there were real feelings attached it became almost impossible for him.

Skwisgaar considered these words for a moment and concluded that Nathan must care deeply about the young Norwegian to be so extremely protective. Nathan was the only one who seemed to have any sort of decent relationship with his father, so maybe that's why he knew how to imitate one. Maybe Skwisgaar could only act like a mother because that's all he had known? However, his mother had not been a good parent so why would he want to try and imitate that? No, Skwisgaar was an excellent lover, not an excellent mother. He could make people feel good but not with baked goods and doilies and meaningful life advice. No, he knew how to hold, touch, kiss, stoke, pet, brush, nip and squeeze a person into happiness. That's how he had calmed Toki down on the kitchen floor, by kissing his forehead and holding him close, not with hollow, clumsy words. Hollow, clumsy words had made him upset again and he had ended up in hospital.

Pickles was good with advice and he could bake (have you ever tried his chocolate and coconut macaroons?), so he should be Toki's mother, he thought. Nathan could be his band father, Pickles his band mother and Skwisgaar, Skwisgaar could be his band lover. Someone he could lean next to on the couch and watch television with; Someone to jostle him aside as they both tried to get into the fridge; Someone to place their hand over his to show him the correct riffs; Someone to wrestle with him when he was feeling playful or fight with when he was angry; Someone in whom's chest he could bury his face when he was embarrassed or scared; Someone who would kiss him softly when he was wailing drunk on the kitchen floor; Someone who could stay with him and hold him through those dark nights when the whole world had gone to shit. That's who Skwisgaar could be for Toki, he could be his lover.

He looked at the bruise on Nathan's chin and was proud at the fact that he had, indeed, given him a good one. That was rare.

"Ja, we's good, Nathan. Sees you in a fews hours." With that they parted ways. Skwisgaar slipped back into his sleeping place between the two retirees. Old women always made the best alarm clocks; a toothless blowjob would be waking him soon. He leaned into one of their wrinkled backs and focused on her heart beat. Toki was alive and would wake up from his long sleep like one of those fairy tale princesses…. and the prince and princess would live happily ever after, here in Mordhaus.


	6. 2-3 Waking Princess

Chapter 2-3 Waking princess.

Pickles awoke to Murderface shaking him. "Picklesch, wake the fuck up. Picklesch!"

"Wha? What the fuc.." Pickles was cut short by his own coughing fit.

"You alright, man?"

"Yeah," cough "Nathan punched me is all." He sat up coughing and the sheets slipped off to reveal a large technicolour bruise on his chest.

"Holy schit! Why the hell did he hit you!?"

"Accident," cough, "it was meant for blondie" cough, wince.

"What?! Why?"

"It was….oh fuck! Toki!"

"Yeah! Fucking Toki! That messchage wasch from hoursch ago, my dethphone was on schilent. Why didn't you call?"

"Your phone was on silent?"

"Yeah!"

"Then you wouldn't have picked up anyway."

"Oh, yeah. Good point. Still! What happened? Where is he?"

"He's still in the hospital wing but he's ok, I think. He's still unconscious. Hang on…" Pickles lent over to check his phone. No new messages or missed calls. "Yeah, he must be. No one's contacted us."

"Unconscious?! What. Happened. Pickles?" Murderface punctuated each word and looked at him imploringly.

Pickles grabbed the packet of cigarettes off the bed side table. He wasn't even out of bed yet, how about a cup of coffee first? He lit two and gave one to Murderface then inhaled deeply to begin his story.

"Nathan 'n' me found him in his room late last night. He'd taken a whole bunch o' Nembutal,"

"I know that name, what it is?"

"It's a tranquillser, a really strong sedative. He'd also downed a bunch o' booze. He was barely breathin'. Doctors recon any longer an' he might o' died." Pickles took a long drag of his cigarette which sent him into another coughing fit.

"So Nathan hit you, by accident?"

"Yep."

"But he was trying to hit Skwischgaar?"

"Yep"

"Why?"

"'cause he thought it was Skwisgaar's fault."

"What was?"

"You know… Toki tryin' ta…. Well it looks like it anyway."

"Looks like what?"

"Well it sorta, kinda looks like Toki might o' tried to…."

"To what?"

"….. kill himself."

Silence fell. For a while the only sound in the room was that of burning paper.

"I'm not schuprised. The kid's been fucked up lately." Murderface finally said. Pickles looked at him slightly shocked. Only slightly though, this was Murderface after all.

"So that's all you got ta say about it?" Pickles inquired calmly.

"Well it'sch true! He'sch been a complete baschket casche these lascht few weeksch and then he locksch himschelf away in his room for daysch on end. How could you guysch not see it?!"

"God, I am SO glad you weren't there last night. You are such a fucking asshole!" Pickles said as he stood up gingerly and put some jeans on.

"How am I an asschole?! I've been worried about him for weeksch!" Murderface stood there with his fist clenched at his sides. Pickles looked at him with a cocked eyebrow.

"You have?"

"Well, ah, yeah. Yeah I have. He…well….he takesch thingsch to heart and, ahh, well why the fuck weren't you?!"

"Dood! I was the one ta get him ta finally come out o' his room! I didn't see you guys do that shit!"

"Well I bet he got the pillsch from YOUR cabinet!"

"So what! All o' you pricks take shit from there all tha time!" Pickles went into another coughing fit.

"So what did Skwisgaar do to pissch Nathan off?"

"He was the last one ta talk to him last night. Nathan figured he must o' upset the little guy somehow."

"Did he?"

"I dunno, probably. Nathan was goin' ta fuckin' kill him." Pickles extinguished his cigarette and went to his closet for a shirt.

"You idiot. You got involved didn't you?" Murderface said, slowly putting all the pieces together.

"Yeah, an' this is what I get fer playin' peace maker." Pickles pointed to his bruise before pulling his shirt down. "Won't be doin' that again. What time is it?"

"About eleven."

"Shit! Yeah, they should be up. I need a cup o' coffee."

Skwisgaar sat at the breakfast table with his guitar. He was on his fourth cup of coffee and stared blankly at his phone as he plucked away absentmindedly. His guitar was the only thing that ever came close to calming him down, well, the only thing in polite company. Even after all his musings of the previous evening he found he couldn't go down the hospital wing alone. He was plucking away his part to 'Guts punch, balls throw up' when Pickles and Murderface entered the kitchen.

"Where ams Nathan?" Skwisgaar asked.

"Good mornin' ta you too. I dunno. He ain't down here then?" Pickles asked as he poured himself a cup of coffee.

"Holy schit! Look at your face! So he really did try to kill you, huh?" Muderface always liked seeing something beautiful turned ugly, especially the smug mug of one Skwisgaar Skwigelf. The aforementioned Skwigelf narrowed his eyes at the bassist.

"Ja, you should haves been theres." He said pointedly.

"Well I didn't get Pickles's message until now. Otherwise I would have been."

"Pfft. What evers." Skwisgaar continued to pluck away and stare expectantly at his phone while the other two sat down with their mugs of morning wake-up.

"Scho Toki really tried to off himself, huh?" Murderface untactfully started the conversation. Skwisgaar's finger work nearly faltered and he stopped playing. He now stared at the bass player.

"Oh come on! It'sch schtaring you all right in the fasche! Kid is fucked in the head. You know we'll have to watch him conschtantly from now on? That'sch gunna be a giant pain in the assch."

Skwisgaar hadn't thought about this small fact and it was the only thing that stopped Murderface from getting a Gibson X-plorer to the skull. Their concern had reached only as far as Toki regaining consciousness but things wouldn't go back to normal. They hated it when Murderface had a point.

"So you think he'll do it again?" Pickles asked already knowing his answer.

"Oh coursche. Why wouldn't he?"

"Williams,"

"What?"

"Shut de fucks up."

"What!? It'sch true! One of us'll have to fucking schadow him all the time now. I don't want him trying to do this schit again, do you?"

"Ofs course nots, you fucking dildos."

"Well you're the one who'sch a fucking dick to him all the time! Could of fooled me!"

Skwisgaar stood up quickly and Murderface copied his action. The blonde man rose to his full height but Murderface stood their defiantly glaring up into his swollen face. Pickles interjected having obviously learnt nothing from last night.

"Come on guys, let's not start throwin' blame around the place. We won't know anything until…" Pickles was cut short by a text message beep from Skwisgaar's dethphone, then his own and Murderface's. It was from Nathan [He's waking up. I'm with him now.].

"He's already down there? I figured we'd all go together, you know. Strength in numbers." Pickles said.

"That makesch no sense whatsoever, Picklesch." Murderface said informingly.

Skwisgaar downed the last of his coffee and walked out of the room still clutching his guitar. The other two followed behind the striding swede. The elevator moved as slowly as cold treacle and the lead guitarist radiated disdain for the bassist the whole time. In the waiting room, he placed his guitar carefully on one of the chairs as the other two raced inside the double doors. Skwisgaar stood still for a moment with his hand lightly clenched around the fret board. What if it really **was** his fault? What if he was the absolute last person on earth that Toki wanted to see right now? He stared blankly at his guitar, frozen by the thought. Those large double doors seemed an impassable obstacle now.

The image of Toki in the kitchen kept playing over and over in his head. His long brown hair draping softly over his taught chest. His perfectly chiselled abdominal muscles flexing with each rasping breath. His eyes, filled with tears, shining under the fluorescent lighting. A sad and beautiful creature. A creature that had broken down all of his defences by having none of its own. They had held each other there on the floor with no boundaries between them, as perfect lovers. He'd had Toki's heart in his hands that night and with a few stupid, clumsy words, he had drop kicked it right into a pill bottle.

At that point Charles walked out of the emergency ward. He looked at the lead guitarist with concern as he was exhibiting unusual behaviour. However, this was an unusual situation.

"Skwisgaar? Are you OK?" He asked genuinely. Skwisgaar snapped out of his trance then released his guitar and straightened up.

"Ja, just…ahh. Ja." Skwisgaar answered weakly.

"So you and Nathan can be in the same room again?" He asked looking Skwisgaar's high, split cheekbone.

"Ja."

"That's good to hear because we need you to come inside. Toki is still very hazy but seems somewhat responsive. However he's being responsive in Norwegian so if you could translate for us, that would be a great help."

Skwisgaar thought about this. He couldn't refuse this request without a significant number of questions that he didn't want to answer. Also if Toki barely even registered their presence, then maybe it would be ok. Reluctantly, he nodded and followed Charles inside.

Toki lay there pathetically and mumbled incoherently in Norwegian. His eyes were unfocused and often closed. He would move his hand with the drip in it and stare surprised at the tube running into him. A few moments later he would do exactly the same thing again. Skwisgaar had to stop himself from running out of the room. He crossed his arms and twitched his fingers over the imaginary guitar strings. Nathan looked up at him from his chair.

"There you are, Skwisgaar. What's he saying?" Nathan said. Everyone turned and looked at the swede expectantly. Then Toki looked at him and blinked lazily.

"_Skwisgaar_?" Toki said as he tried to focus on the tall figure standing further away than the others. Skwisgaar's stomach dropped when he heard his name but then a weak smile appeared on the younger man's face.

"_Skwisgaar, Skwisgaar, went to a Swiss bar…"_ Toki sang slurredly in the style of a children's rhyme. Skwisgaar stood there totally disarmed. The others were looking from Toki to Skwisgaar and back again.

"Arhhh…OK?" Nathan expressed unsure whether that needed translation. "So…?"

"_Skwisgaar? What's going on?" _Toki asked at length, still trying to focus on, well, anything. "_I keep asking the others but…_" He trailed off. The others stood there expectantly but Skwisgaar decided to answer Toki's questions before they got their translation, besides, he liked this little bit of power over Nathan.

"_Toki, you're in the hospital wing here at home. You've been unconscious for quite a number of hours._" He told him factually.

"_Oh...Why would I be in the hospital wing? I'm not sick, am I?_" Toki said with a fuzzy confusion in his features. Skwisgaar's eyebrows furrowed.

"What'sch he saying?" Murderface asked but Skwisgaar ignored him.

"_You made yourself sick. You don't….. you don't remember_?" Skwisgaar asked tentatively.

"_Why would I do that?_" Toki retorted. Skwisgaar was getting a bit confused and stepped closer to the bed.

"Wha'd he say?" Pickles asked this time. Skwisgaar was about to translate but Toki cut him off.

"_I remember you were really nice to me, the nicest you've ever been._" Toki said becoming slightly more coherent. "_But then you went back to being a dick. That hurt._" A great wave of guilt crashed over Skwisgaar that rooted him to the spot. Toki finally focused on the blonde's face. "_What happened to your face?_" He asked.

"_Nathan happened to it._" Skwisgaar was thankful for the change of subject. Toki moved his head to address Nathan.

"_What did he do?"_ Toki asked Nathan. Nathan looked up at Skwisgaar who scoffed and pointed to his cheek wound.

"Oh, well, ahh, just tell him it was an accident." Nathan said.

"_An accident? Huh?"_ Toki scrunched up his face.

"He cans be understandings you." Skwisgaar informed Nathan.

_"Nathan, why do I feel funny?_"

"Yeah well I can't understand him, so fucking start translating won't you?" Nathan said.

"Fines. He askes you why he ams feelings weirds."

"What he doesn't know?" Nathan asked.

"_What don't I know?_"

"He amn'st remembering much." Skwisgaar informed the room.

"_Remember what?_" Toki tried to sit up but failed at it immediately. His head was swimming violently and his vision unfocused again.

"Hey, Hey, Hey, now, don't try to get up." Nathan said to the rhythm guitarist.

"_What's going on?_ _Why won't any of you fucking answer me_?" He said in distressed tones. Toki's breathing became irregular and he laid his hand heavily across his eyes. Toki was starting to freak out. Nathan looked at Skwisgaar for a translation but Skwisgaar interpreted it as a call for action. The blonde man did the only thing he knew would calm him down. He cradled Toki's head in one large pale hand and removed Toki's hand from his eyes with the other. He then bent down in front of all his bandmates and kissed Toki on the forehead. He didn't break away until Toki's breathing had returned to normal and he had calmed down. Wide eyes and open mouths all around. Skwisgaar looked into the bleary sky blue eyes and stroked his crown affectionately.

"_It's ok. Just get some more rest and we'll explain everything later._" Skwisgaar said. Toki nodded and then closed his eyes with a long exhale. Skwisgaar straightened up and replaced Toki's hand to the sleeping man's chest. All eyes were on him and the silence in the room was thick. Skwisgaar rose to his full haughtiness and then proceeded to walk out back towards the waiting room. He desperately needed a cigarette and his guitar.

"Ahh, ok then. We should leave Toki to continue recovery. 8112 will inform me of his progress." Charles said to the remaining three bandmates who were still staring after Skwisgaar.

"Ahhh, yeah. Yeah, that would be for tha best." Pickles agreed.

"Yeah…..we can come back tonight…..and….er….something." Nathan said.

"Yes, Nathan, that sounds fine but for now let's allow the medical staff to do their jobs. I had a specialist flown in from New York, so just, eh, yes." Charles said and walked towards the waiting room. Pickles followed him and Nathan began to walk out too but Murderface stood there motionless. Nathan looked back at him.

"What the fuck juscht happened?" He asked in typical Murderface style. Nathan looked at Murderface and then at the sleeping Toki with his steady breathing and head lolling off to the side. That protective jealously coiled up inside his chest again.

"I have no fucking idea." He said to avoid any further discussion of the subject and walked away. Murderface followed him out.


	7. 2-4 You're Fucking Sorry?

Chapter 2-4 You're fucking sorry?

Skwisgaar spent the rest of the day in his room with a few groupies trying to fuck away the events of that morning. How could someone forget a suicide attempt? Or was that a common thing? Had it been Skwisgaar's fault after all? Toki openly said he had hurt him? And why in the fucking name of Odin did he kiss him in front of everyone!

Just before dinner time Skwisgaar went into Toki's room to collect his Deddy bear; He loved that thing and if nothing else it would keep him calm. The room reeked of cigarette ash and acidic vodka bile, the klockateers hadn't been in here yet. He picked up Deddy from the floor and sat on the end of the bed. He hugged the bear to him privately and surveyed the scene. He looked down at Toki's bed and at the semi dry patch of vomit on the crumpled sheets. He imagined the rhythm guitarist laying there, passed out and what it must have been like for Nathan and Pickles to find him. Thank the gods they had come up here when they did. Skwisgaar felt ashamed of himself. He should have followed Toki and made sure he was ok. He should have apologised and held him tightly here on this bed. He should have lay here with him until he had fallen asleep, but no, he went and fucked two old whores instead. He reached over to the bottle of vodka still on the night stand to take a swig. As he moved the bottle of vodka something hit the ground. He picked it up and turned it over in his hand; You're fucking kidding me!

He stomped out of the room and down the stairs. The other members of Dethklok were sitting in the lounge room watching television. Skwisgaar stormed right up to Pickles, cleared away all the empty beer bottles with one swoop of his long arm and slammed down the pill bottle right in front of him.

"WHAT DE FUCKS AMS DIS!" He bellowed at the drummer. When Skwisgaar was seriously pissed off he could actually be quite menacing, a lot of which came from his height. Pickles exhaled his cigarette smoke with two raised eyebrows while the other two froze in surprise. Pickles looked down and recognised the pill bottle that had been next to Toki's bed.

"Dood, where did you think he got them from? O' course they're mine! You guys are in there all the time." He defended.

"It ams in de Asprins bottle!"

"Ahh, yeah? This stuff ain't exactly over the counter. Lots o' shit's in different containers. I wrote on the side what it was." Pickles actually had his drug cabinet incredibly well organised and could lay his hand to the correct thing no matter how wasted he was.

"Yous fucking idiots! Toki amn'st tryings to kills himself! He ams dinkings it ams Head hurts pills!"

"What?" Nathan said and his face went blank.

"But I don't even keep Asprin in that cabinet! That's in my real medicine cabinet! You all know that!" Pickles said explanatorily.

"Scho, he'sch not fucked in the head, then?" Murderface offered unhelpfully.

"Yous fucking bastards! You make me dinks I FUCKING KILLS HIM!" Skwisgaar screamed. All three went silent as they slotted this information in with the morning's hospital visit.

"Scho that'sch why you got all gay with him today?" Murderface asked stupidly. Skwisgaar snapped his vision on Murderface and thought of so many ways to hurt him that it seemed unfair to pick just one. Pickles tried to defuse and clarify the situation a little.

"Hang on, Hang on. So what happed to make **you **think you upset him to the point where he'd off himself? What were you fighting about this time?" Pickles asked. Nathan looked expectantly at the Lead guitarist. He wanted details of the kitchen incident.

"He **ams** fucked up! He ams fucked up froms that little girls whats ams died. He dinks he kills her." Skwisgaar explained with his fists clenched at his sides.

"Isch thisch schome European thing? Thinking you've killed people when you haven't?" Murderface asked semi genuinely. Skwisgaar was a hair's breadth off leaping over the table and choking the bassist out.

"Yeah, but what did **you** do to make you think you could have been responsible for sending him over the edge?" Pickles persisted. For a man whose resting blood alcohol level should have pickled his own brain, he was incredibly cluey. Skwisgaar stood there silently fuming for a few moments, caught in the trap. Everyone looked at him waiting for his answer.

"Dat ams nots important anys more." He finally came out with a bit more calmly.

"Seems important enough for you to come in here and start yelling at us?" Nathan pointed out.  
Skwisgaar and Nathan glared at one another for a long time but Skwisgaar was not about to actively pick a fight with the front man, much to Pickles's relief.

"Puts de rights lables on your drugs." He said to Pickles and stormed off.

"Dood! I did!" He called after the flapping yellow hair as it strode away.

Skwisgaar needed to know from Toki's own mouth. He sat in the chair next to Toki's hospital bed and watched the sleeping man's chest rise and fall in the steady rhythm of life. He watched the tendons in his neck move in time with his chest and followed the lines of his body down across to his muscular shoulders. Skwisgaar had an odd vampiric urge to bite him there. He leant over and placed a hand on his neck running his thumb along Toki's jaw. Toki moaned a little like a girl and Skwisgaar smiled at his own talents. He moved his hand up to Toki's head and stroked his hair firmly.

"_Toki? Wake up, it's me._" Skwisgaar said softly. Toki stirred slightly then opened one eye a little. He blinked for a few moments before he realised he was awake.

"_Skwisgaar?_" He mumbled with a glazed expression. He looked down at the drip in his hand and became more coherent. "_What's going on? Where am I?"_ he asked.

"_I told you this morning. You are in the hospital wing."_

_"What? Why am I in the hospital? What happened to your face?"_

_"Nothing, don't worry about it. Toki, I really need to ask you something and I really want you to tell the truth."_

_"Wait, what? Why am I in hospital, Skwisgaar? What happened?"_

_"That's what I want to know from you."_

_"What? What are you on about?"_

_"You took some pills last night and over dosed, that's why you are here right now."_

_"I did?"_

_"They were really strong sedatives and you had drunk a lot as well."_

_"I had?"_

Skwisgaar sat down and clasped his hands together, making a platform to place his chin on.  
_  
"Toki, I'm sorry but I really have to ask you this."_

_"Ask me what?"_

Skwisgaar took a few deep breaths then looked straight into Toki's eyes.  
_  
"Toki…..Did you try to take your own life last night?"_

Toki looked up at Skwisgaar for a long time. His eyes focused and unfocused as his mind wondered out of the room and then back to their conversation. His eyebrows furrowed slightly when he finally spoke.  
_  
"What?" _Toki finally answered_.  
_  
Skwisgaar lowered his head so he didn't have to look at Toki.  
_  
"Toki, after what happened….in the kitchen. Well, you've been really messed up lately and I know we haven't been paying much attention to you and….and…and I'm sorry for what I said."_

Toki blinked a few more times while his sluggish brain processed this information.

_"Wait. Wait, wait, what? I tried to kill myself?" _Toki stammered out.  
_  
"That's what I'm asking you."_

_"I don't think I did?"_

_"Look, we had a fight, and then you went off to your room. What happened?"_

_"Are you asking me what I do in my room? Skwisgaar, what the fuck are you talking about?"_

_"Arrg, I said something stupid and you stormed off to your room where they found you almost dead at two in the morning! I need to know what happened. I need to know if what I said…."_

He couldn't finish the sentence. _"Just tell me everything that happened last night"._ He ended.

Toki's face was a picture of concentration.

_"You kissed me."_ He finally said. Skwisgaar froze at these words.

_"Well, ja, you were, ahhh, upset."_ He eventually stuttered out.  
_  
"It was nice."_

_"Ahhh,"_

_"You were nice. You were really nice to me. God, I was so fucked up…. You really helped me."_

_"Well, um, ahhh,"_

_"Thanks Skwisgaar. Even if you ruined it by being a dick, but you're always a dick so I'm not surprised."_

_"Oh, ahh, you're , ahh, welcome, I guess? Ahh, So what else, ahh, do you remember doing?"_

_"Nothing, I just grabbed a bottle from the liquor cabinet and watched a bunch of cartoons in my room."_

_"Well how did you end up with a stomach full of sedatives?"_

Toki thought hard and then suddenly looked incredibly guilty as realisation of the night before washed over him.

_"I just wanted to black out, you know? To sleep. To sleep and not dream all the fucked up dreams I have." _Toki said looking down at his toes. Skwisgaar's concern rose.  
_  
"So you went to Pickles's drug cabinet?" _Skwisgaar suggested. Toki nodded sheepishly.  
_  
"I've taken heaps of stuff from there before. I know the way he orders things in there so I picked up the strongest one. I just really wanted a dreamless sleep, so I took a whole handful."  
_  
Skwisgaar looked at Toki, his long hair plaited down to the side had perfectly framed his face. That funny little moustache he insisted on twitched as he pursed his lips. His pale blue eyes stared down and away from Skwisgaar. His strong, bare shoulders pressed deeply into the hospital pillows. Such a sad and beautiful creature.

He stood up and paced the room nervously running his fingers through his hair and trying to process this information. The others had been informed that Toki was awake and at that moment the three other band members walked through the double doors. Skwisgaar couldn't handle it any longer. He had been pushed to his breaking point and completely lost his cool.

_"You idiot! You nearly fucking died!" _He blurted out animatedly.  
_  
"I'm sorry."_

_"Do you even know what that did to us?!"_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Do you know what it did to **me**?!"_

_"I'm sorry."  
_  
_"You fucking selfish asshole! How could you be so fucking stupid!"_

_"I'm sorry, Skwisgaar!"_

_"You're sorry?! You're fucking SORRY?!"_

_"Ja, I am. I'm sorry, Skwisgaar, it was an accident."_

Toki managed to gingerly sit up but he held his head in his drip free hand.

"What the hell is going on here?!" Nathan demanded. He had gotten Deddy and passed it to Pickles as he walked over to the fuming lead guitarist. "Skwisgaar, if you upset him again I'll…"

"_YOU'LL FUCKING WHAT?!"_ Skwisgaar screamed in Swedish as he spun around to glare at the front man. Emergency rooms really where the best places to fight. Nathan looked at Skwisgaar and thought how much he'd like to make a matching set out of his cheekbones. Just then, a sad and pathetic snivelling came from the bed.

"_I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."_ Toki snivelled. His head began to swim again and he brought his drip hand up to help steady his head further. The front man didn't need a translation, he didn't even want one. He threw Skwisgaar into the nearest wall and held him across the chest with his forearm.

"**WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!**" He bellowed at the swede.

Murderface looked like all his Christmases had come at once but Pickles stared on, mouth open and squeezed Deddy tightly. There was no way Pickles was going to get involved with this again so he ran over to Toki to try and calm him down. Skwisgaar weighed up his likely hood of winning this fight. The odds were not in his favour but he'd give it his best. He planted a fist in Nathan's diaphragm and slipped from his grip. Nathan grunted slightly and then they started the face off. They circled each other as the rest of the band and medical staff watched on.

The front man lunged at the guitarist but Skwisgaar managed to dodge his blow just in time. Nathan rounded with the follow through and knocked him hard into the wall. He raised his fist again and aimed straight for the swede's head. Skwisgaar dropped down and elbowed Nathan right in the gut as the singer put a hole in the wall where the blonde man's face had been. Nathan was slightly winded and Skwisgaar managed to slip under his arm and away from the wall.

They began circling each other again and this time Skwisgaar lunged at Nathan. He came in close and managed to plant one on Nathan's jaw. He was the only one of them tall enough to even attempt such a thing. Pickles gasped and Murderface cocked an eyebrow. Skwisgaar lost his footing and Nathan seized the opportunity. He grabbed Skwisgaar's arm and tugged him off balance so the swede hit the ground. Skwisgaar looked up just as the vocalist had come down and pinned him to the floor. So this was how he was going to die, huh? Nathan drew back his fist ready to fashion that pair of matching cheek bones when Toki cried out from the bed.

"Nat'ans! Stop! I's sorry! I's sorry! Nat'ans!" Toki screamed pathetically. Nathan stopped dead at the sound of his name but he didn't take his eyes off Skwisgaar and remained poised over him.

"Oh thank fuck, some English." Pickles said under his breath and finally exhaled.

"I's not tries to kills myselfs, it ams ackcidentskals." Toki sobbingly explained and began to hyperventilate. Nathan's expression changed.

"Hey, now, it's ok. Everything's goin' ta be alright." Pickles cooed and handed him Deddy. He held the bear tightly with his drip hand and held his forehead in the other. The world was spinning again and the rhythm guitarist fell back on the bed limply struggling to breathe. "Oh, shit, Nurse!" Pickles shouted.

This broke up Nathan and Skwisgaar's staring competition as they both looked over toward the bed. Two hooded nurses pushed in and Pickles jumped out of the way. Nathan slammed his fist down next to Skwisgaar's head, signalling his victory, and then got up to assess the new situation. Skwisgaar peeled himself off the floor still shaking from the adrenaline. He watched the nurses attend to him and the facial expressions of his fellow band members. He had gotten what he came here for and now he could leave.

"Fucking stupids little dildos." Skwisgaar said as a last swipe in Toki's direction and then stormed out of the emergency ward.

He was fuming. He had no sympathy, not anymore. Not after what he had put him through. Toki could explain to the others what he had done and watch their reaction, maybe Nathan wouldn't be so quick to jump to his defence after that. Skwisgaar lit a cigarette on his way to the kitchen and breathed it in deeply as walked. He grabbed a beer, downed half of it in one go and slammed it on the bench. He leaned up against the kitchen counter allowing the alcohol and nicotine to calm him down.

He looked over to the other side of the kitchen. Only last night he had knelt down right there and let that beautiful hysterical creature sob into his chest and this is how he had repaid him. How dare he do something so incredibly fucking stupid! He shouldn't have followed him in here last night. He should have left their boundaries intact. He threw the beer bottle to the other side of the room and it smashed on the cupboard where Toki had leaned. This is what happened when you fucking cared about someone. He stamped out his cigarette, pulled out his phone and started texting whores.


	8. 2-5 Lucky Bitch

Chapter 2-5 Lucky Bitch

Skwisgaar procured himself all the groupies he could reasonably fit in his room. The music was loud and the booze was flowing, it was essentially a party and everyone was nude. Some of the younger girls were snorting cocaine off a mirror at the end of the bed. One of them was in her early twenties with long straight brown hair. Skwisgaar watched her hair skate across her back as she bent down and then came back up patting her nose gently. He drank some more of his vodka and continued to watch the girl. He then put his glass down on the floor and crawled over behind her. She looked at him with glassy eyes and smiled as he drew back her long sheet of hair the colour of tree bark and kissed her neck. She giggled and exposed more of her throat for him to touch. He then changed his tempo and he bit down on the girl's neck. She let out a sharp, short sound of pleasure and the other two girls laughed and drank from their bottles of fruity drink. Skwisgaar ran his hands down her shoulder blades and under her hair. She smelled amazing, like the berries in the forests of Europe. Like candy.

His hands came under her arms and cradled her breasts; She was thin and they were small. He bit down again as he squeezed her nipples and she arched back into him with a long deep moan. Her particular moan triggered something primal in Skwisgaar and he pulled her backwards onto him and rolled her over. She flicked her hair aside to give him access to her neck again, she wanted it and he was going to give it to her. He held her down on her stomach by both wrists and ran his lips down the back of her neck which made her moan and she began to pant slightly. He then bit down hard on her deltoid muscle and she whimpered loudly and squirmed under his grip. He bit down in time with the music on different places on her back, lifting the skin up like an animal and she screamed softly each time. He pushed his hot, hard manhood against her smooth inner thigh and she arched her hips up begging to be entered.

He came to his knees and ran two fingers down the length of her spine, indicating that she should do the same. She came up on all fours and her long brown hair slid over her back. She moaned loudly as he guided himself into her slick warmth and began to slowly pump at her. He wanted more though, he wanted her to scream, to take out all his anger on her, he wanted to hurt her, to bite down and draw blood, to completely dominate her. He scooped up the majority of her hair and wrapped it around his fist then he pulled and used it as an anchor. She was completely submissive and allowed her head to be pulled back so he pounded her hard and violently and it hurt his own bruised midsection to do so. She pressed her face into the pillow and muffled her loud, high pitched screams as she clawed at the bed. Skwisgaar leant forward and placed both hands on her shoulders to forcibly pull her up and back onto him. He gave a few very hard thrusts and she screamed out in pleasure or pain, he wasn't quite sure. He ran his nails down the whole length of her back leaving red marks in their wake and she threw her head back and screamed. This time there was defiantly more pain than pleasure and it melded perfectly with the loud metal music. It fed Skwisgaar's primal urge and he dug his fingers into her hips as he pumped his way, hard, into climax. He let out his own moan as he completely filled her cavity then lay over her back, gasping for breath.

He kissed her just behind the ear but she didn't move so he removed himself from her and reached back down for his drink. His bruised midsection throbbed. The girl's hair shielded her face as she slinked off the bed silently and limped toward the bathroom and Skwisgaar admired the red marks now running down her back. One of the other girls at the end of the bed was looking at them too.

"Lucky bitch." She commented.

"Yous wants to be nexts, den?" Skwisgaar said with a cocked eyebrow and the girl looked over at him. She had black hair with purple highlights, pierced nipples and a tattoo on her lower back. She sat there nude but still had purple and black stripped arm warmers on. Skwisgaar had been around enough naked women to know that this meant she was a cutter and was hiding them, also there were other faint scares around her body.

She crawled over and straddled him, drink in hand . She downed the rest of her fruity mixture in two long gulps then leaned down and kissed the lead guitarist.

"Only if you really fuck me up." She said with a smirk then returned to a sitting position.

Skwisgaar held up his hand for her and she laced her fingers into his. She had fallen for his trap. He pulled down her arm warmer and revealed the lattice work of old scars and fresher wounds; some didn't look more than a day old. She looked embarrassed and tried to pull away but he wouldn't let go.

"And what happends dere?" He enquired, knowing full well what it was.

"An accident." She said not looking at his face.

"An ackidents?" He replied being deliberately confronting.

"Yeah. People have accidents, you know." She said wanting to comment on his bruised face but thinking better of it. She pulled the arm warmer back up with her other hand.

Skwisgaar thought about this. He supposed people did have accidents, very deliberate ones. Murderface had had his fair share of knife 'accidents' in the past. After his brother had been sent to jail for the first time, Pickles spent about six months having heroin 'accidents'. Nathan had called many of his most brutal fights 'accidents'. Toki couldn't escape, not even in his sleep, so he ended up having his own 'accident'. People did have accidents, accidents which helped them to escape. He looked up at the girl and mused. Her escape from pain was pain, which was pretty brutal.

He finished his vodka and put his glass aside. He pulled the girl down onto him then rolled her over so she was beneath him and she nestled him between her thighs. He then pulled off each of the arm warmers and ran his thumbs over her wounds. She looked embarrassed and tried to get up but he pinned her down by her reddened wrists.

"Don't hides dem." He said as he ran his fingers over her arms.

She looked up at him with glassy eyes and an innocent expression. He bent down and kissed her neck and she gasped and arched into him. Her body flushed and his responded. He ran his tongue over her pierced nipple and nipped at it softly which made hermoan and she hugged him tighter with her thighs. He ran a skilful hand between her legs and she cried out immediately. This was the sound he wanted from her, not pain, not from this one; This one already knew she was alive, she knew pain.

His stony manhood returned and he slowly drove himself into her up to the hilt. He revelled in her expression as he slipped both hands under her and held her on the bed as he gently stroked back and forth. She moaned rhythmically with his movement and hooked her heels behind his back. He lifted his head and she kissed him, moaning into his mouth and running her fingers through his golden mane. He brought himself up onto his elbows and quickened the pace. She responded by pressing her fingers into his shoulder blades so he brought both of her hands down, laced their fingers together and pinned her by the palms to the bed. He stared at the marks and scars on her arms and drove her harder. She closed her eyes, threw back her head and screamed at the same level as the music which sounded impeccable to Skwisgaar and he arrived at his climax, albeit weaker than before. He collapsed on top of her breathing heavily and sweating. She was panting too and attempted to wipe away some of the perspiration from his brow as he rolled off her and found his cigarettes. He lit one then put an arm around her and drew her in close.

"I likes you. You stays here with me tonights, ja?" He said, giving her a light squeeze. She plucked the cigarette from his fingers and took a draw before returning it.

"Sure, why not?" she said simply and curled into his side.

"Lucky bitch." The third girl on the end of the bed commented as she stepped over some other women to get a drink. Skwisgaar smiled at this. He'd catch his breath and give that one what she wanted too.

At that moment his Dethphone bleeped at him, it was a text from pickles [cme 2 th livin room. I need t talk to ya] he must be wasted. Skwisgaar really did not want to see Nathan at the moment nor Murderface for that matter. He was happy laying here with his vodka and groupies. [its jus me down ere] Pickles added, he must have picked up on Skwisgaar's concern.

Skwisgaar texted back [am busy].

[yeh i know. Jus 5 mins?] Pickles replied.

Skwisgaar sighed and sent a simple [ok].

He pulled away from the girl under his arm and she looked up at him forlorn. "Sorry ladies but de band need mes for a moments." He said to the room at large. There was a universal murmur of disappointment as he grabbed his dressing gown and headed downstairs. Pickles sat on the couch with his bong and bowl watching some terrible reality show. Skwisgaar sat down wordlessly beside him and folded his arms.

"You've got one hell of a party goin' on up there." Pickle's stated as he packed his cone.

"Ja, it just happens." Skwisgaar replied.

"What? By accident?" Pickles said.

Skwisgaar's whole world seemed to fold in on its self from those words. Yes, it had been an accident, a very deliberate accident. It was his escape, his drug of choice, his razorblade, his way of proving his own existence to himself. He fell silent and Pickles's drew his cone.

"Toki told us what happened, you know." Pickles said.

"Ja?"

"Yeah, Later on when we went to see him again. He told us what he did and he told us what you were yellin' about. You know we don't understand yer Snow Speak. "

_"Of course I know that." _He came out with in Swedish.

"No need to get all snotty about it. Anyway, Nathan reacted ta what Toki did basically tha same way you had. Wow, was he mad! He scared the lil' guy half ta death!" Pickles packed another cone while he spoke and held it out to Skwisgaar who looked at it suspiciously. "He also told us what happened between you 'n' him in tha kitchen that night."

Skwisgaar froze for a moment and stared at Pickles. Pickles looked at him expressionlessly and waved the bong at him. Skwisgaar surrendered and accepted it, he needed it now. Pickles was silent and waited for the swede to pull his cone and then speak.

"That was meants to be a privates."

"Yeh, I can see why. He didn't really want ta say anythin' but Nathan kept pushin', ye know? So he just blurted it out. By the end of it, him and Nathan were screaming at each other until the lil' guy had another fainting spell an' the docs finally kicked us out. We told 'em to fuck off o' course but then Charles said we had to do what they say." Pickles packed himself another. Skwisgaar was confused as to where this conversation was going.

"So when ams Tokis goings to be normal agains?" Skwisgaar asked.

"Not sure, maybe one or two more days. Kid's young an' in good shape, he should recover pretty quickly." Pickles pulled on the bong. He packed another and passed it to Skwisgaar. "You know, you and Toki might fight a lot but the kid thinks really highly of you." Pickles ginned a very stoned grin, "He loves ya."

Skwisgaar choked on his smoke and began to cough violently. Pickles began to laugh which sent him into a coughing fit as well.

"Whys de fucks would you says dat tings?!" Skwisgaar had finally regained something close to a normal breathing pattern. Pickles was coming up close behind.

"'cause o' the way he was talkin' about you tonight! He was screamin' at Nathan how no one else would o' done that shit for him an' how you're the only one who gets him half tha time. It's bullshit though 'cause any one o' us would o' helped him out too. Nathan was gettin' real pissed off but I recon that's 'casue he realised what an asshole he'd been ta ya."

"Pfft, Ja, wells. Dat ams true." Skwisgaar mused. Pickles had that stoned grin on his face again and giggled.

"But you love him too, right?" He said through a crooked smile. Skwisgaar stopped-dead half way through packing the cone piece and stared straight at the drummer. "I mean…. Ya did kiss him in fron' o' all of us." Skwisgaar didn't move for a moment then began his defence.

"Dats was just for calmings him downs. It ams workings, ja? Besides it ams on de front heads, so it ams not evens a dings!"

"Ha ha, yeah, whadever, blondie. Well yer tha only one that'll ever do **that** for him. He, he. Just don't go breakin' his heart, ok? hahaha!" Pickles laughed in that typical stoner fashion at Skwisgaar.

"Pfft, fucks off Pickle." Skwisgaar said dismissively and pulled his cone. Pickles went off into another round of stoned laughter and then a massive coughing fit.

"Well I'm off ta bed. Mind if I pick up a skank on the way past? I can't fuck too good at tha moment but I could really do with a blow job, ye know?"

"Ja, der am heaps. Takes twos or threes."

"What? You invite your whole harem ova tonight?"

"Pfft, nots even close." Skwisgaar said and threw a small smile to the drummer.

Pickles returned to his room with two willing ladies while Skwisgaar slipped back into his smorgasbord of tits'n'arse. Skwisgaar lay there in the dark with three girls sprawled over him and smiled in his half dream state. He was really looking forward to seeing Toki tomorrow. He was also looking forward to the seeing the look on Nathan's face which would suffice as an apology. He pulled the purple haired chick in closer to him and she leaned up and kissed his neck. He rolled over on top of her and had another deliberate accident.


	9. 2-6 Shark Piss

Chapter 2-6 Shark Piss

Toki was sitting up and smiling when Skwisgaar entered the hospital wing. He still looked a bit worse for wear but generally was on his way to his old self again. The other band members were all sitting around his bed. Skwisgaar leaned up against the wall and crossed his arms to give himself the best James Dean look he could.

"Oh, hi, Skwisgaar." Toki said trying to avoid any emotion in his greeting. The others turned to the swede and Nathan looked at Skwisgaar in a very uncharacteristically neutral way. This is what he had struck the pose for.

"Hello, Tokis." He said looking straight at Nathan as he spoke. Nathan grunted some kind of greeting and looked away. This was the closest Skwisgaar was going to get to an apology and the two slipped back into something closer to their regular paradigm. Everyone (sans Murderface) was silently relieved that there was not going to be another hospital brawl.

"Looks what Pickle brings me!" Toki said and held up a two month old wolf cub. Skwisgaar was intrigued and so broke away from his James Dean to take a look at the white and grey fluff on the hospital bed. The little thing squirmed and nipped at Toki who seemed to find it perfectly adorable.

"Where did you gets dat?" The blonde man asked the red head.

"From the other side o' tha hospital wing. There's a vet there, great place to get ketamine. Anywho, they had the yard wolf pups in there for their shots, or whatever, so I nabbed one for Toki." Pickles explained but Skwisgaar cocked an eye brow at this. "Just fer a lil' while or tha mother won't take it back, or somethin'." Pickles reassured him.

Skwisgaar went to pet the funny ball of fur. It nipped hard at his hand and he drew it back quickly.

"Aww, she likes you, Skwisgaar!" Toki said affectionately and without any scholarly references pertaining to that statement.

"Yeah, bitches love you." Murderface said sarcastically as Skwisgaar inspected the little bite mark.

Toki held the cub up to his nose and it latched on. He just smiled and gently shook his face side to side until it released him. "You ams goings to be de prettiest girl in da whole pack! Are you sure we can'ts keep her?"

"We can't keep wild animals in the house, Toki. It's not fair on them, you should know that." Nathan said. Nathan liked to go hunting and so had an appreciation for wild animals. All the way up until he shot them.

"Yeah, I knows. She still reallys cute though." Toki rolled the wolf cub onto its back and rubbed its belly. Skwisgaar couldn't figure out if it was playing with him or trying to run away. The cub rolled back over, bit down on Toki's wrist and tugged. He laughed at it even though it was beginning to draw blood.

"Be sures dat it don'ts be takings your hand off. We needs dem." Skwisgaar said as he nursed his tiny nip wound. He watched the little ball of furry shake and pull at Toki's hand.

"Oh, so yous can gets into de fights and punch ons with Nat'an but I can'ts play wit de baby wolfs?" Toki said defensively.

"Well, yeah, I suppose that was pretty stupid of you." Nathan said rubbing in his victory over the swede. Skwisgaar glared at him but he wasn't looking.

"Fines. Let de wolflings be rippings your arm off." He said. Toki laughed at the tugging cub and Skwisgaar sighed. "If it make you happys." Skwisgaar added genuinely. Toki looked up and smiled at him and Skwisgaar allowed the corners of his mouth to turn upwards in return.

Pickles thought that he should engineer some alone time for the two Scandinavians but also separate Skwisgaar and Nathan, just in case. "Come on, I gotta get this pup back to its mother." He said.

"Just a bits longers!" Toki implored.

"Sorry, Toki, but it's already been like an hour 'n' I'll bet the lil' guy is hungy." Pickles insisted. Toki raised an eyebrow and looked confused.

"Is definitely a girl, Pickle." He said and lifted it under the forearms to expose its belly. "Sees? No ding dong."

"Thanks for the anatomy lesson, now give it here." Pickles said and stretched out his arms to receive the cub.

"Five mores minutes! Please!" Toki pleaded and looked up at the drummer with eyes bigger and cuter than the baby wolf's. Pickles had to go to plan B.

"Fine, five more minutes. Murderface, Nathan, come for a smoke?" Pickles rattled his packet of cigarettes in front of them. Murderface always liked to be included and Nathan still didn't really want to be around Skwisgaar very much so he left as well. Skwisgaar was left alone with Toki and the squirming mass of fur.

"It's ams a shame we can'ts keep her." Toki said as he let the cub knaw on his knuckle.

"She would eats you later on." Skwisgaar said, he had had a bad experience with wolves as a child.

"Nah, wes be bestest friends. She probably eats you guys, though." Toki said with a smirk.

"Ja, probablys." Skwisgaar said uselessly. Silence fell between them.

"Sos, are you stills mad at me?" Toki asked not looking up from his lap where the cub was. "It reallys was atkadentals." He added. Skwisgaar took a moment then grabbed one of the chairs and sat on it backwards with his arms crossed over it.

_"Ja, I am still really pissed off at you but…"_

_"But what?"_

_"But I think I understand, so I forgive you. This time." _

_"You think I want to do this more than once? I hate it down here. It's boring and I feel like shit!"_

Skwisgaar knew that Toki would definitely do it again, he just didn't know when and the 'how' might change as well.

_"Ja, well if you do, well, you can come and get me instead."_

_"Huh? That makes no sense at all?"_

_"I mean, if you can't sleep, or whatever, then you should come and get me."_

_"What? Come into your room at three in the morning, trip over your whores then wake your naked arse up and say 'hey, I can't sleep'?"_

_"Ja. I mean, if you have to."_

_"Skwisgaar?"_

_"What?"_

_"What the fuck is wrong with you?"_

_"What!?"_

_"Why are you all acting so fucking weird? You've all overdosed heaps of times. I do it one time…"_

_"Berlin."_

_"Ok, two times…"_

_"Vegas."_

_"Fuck you! Everyone did that night!"_

_"Yeah, that shit was wild. I puked for days."_

_"Yeah! You did! So why is everyone freaking out this time?"_

_"Because you actually nearly fucking died! Because it wasn't a party drug at a fucking party!"_

_"How does that make a difference?"_

_"How does it make a difference?! You were bawling your eyes out on the fucking kitchen floor and then only a few hours later you've got a gut full vodka and sedatives!"_

_"So fucking what! Pickles does that shit all the time!"_

_"Yeah but Pickles hasn't been a fucked up lunatic for the last few weeks! You know exactly how it looked to us!"_

_"Fuck you! I didn't ty to, so why are you still angry?!"_

_"Because I thought I'd nearly fucking killed you!"_

Pause.

_"Fucking, what?"_ Toki responded.

_"Well… after what I said….and you ran off…."_ Skwisgaar trailed off and looked away. He started tapping his fingers over those invisible strings again as Toki sat there staring at him trying to process this new little factoid.

_"You arrogant fucker!"_ He finally burst out with and Skwisgaar snapped to attention._ "You think I'd kill myself just because you were a dick to me? You're always a dick to me!" _

_"Fuck you! You scared the shit out of me!"_

_"Good! Serves you right!"_

_"You fucking little prick! Do you know what I've fucking been through in the last forty eight hours?!"_

_"Oh you poor fucking thing!"_ Toki waved his drip hand around to make his point. The wolf cub barked a few times and Toki patted it. Skwisgaar looked down, defeated.

_"So when are you getting out?"_ He asked just to change the topic.

_"Around dinner time, they recon."_

_"I don't think you should be alone tonight."_

_"I'm not going to try and kill myself, Skwisgaar. I thought we had established that?"_

_"Well, I just don't want you to be alone is all. You can sleep in my room tonight."_

_"What?"_

_"Ja, that way I'll know you haven't, relapsed or something."_

_"You know, as well as I do, that it doesn't work like that."_

_"I know, I know, just…. just sleep in my room tonight. OK? For me."_

_"Your bed smells like cum."_

_"Ja, well yours smells like vomit at the moment, so I win."_

_"Why? Who threw up on it?"_

_"You did, stupid."_

_"Oh."_

_ "I'll even get you a groupie if you want?"_

_"I'm not fucking in your bed, especially if you're in it. And don't think you're fucking in it if I'm in it. In fact, this is starting to sound like a really bad idea."_

_"Ok, fine, no groupies." _

The wolf cub barked again.

_"Not like I need your help anyway."_ He rubbed the tiny wolf's belly again as he spoke. _"I do just fine with the ladies all by myself. Don't I girl? Yes I do. I can fuck my own groupies. Yes I can. You're so god damn cute!"_ He said to the cub in a sickening baby voice.

Pickles had been peeking through the door and guessed that this was around the natural end point of their argument. He had convinced Nathan just to let them have it out and Nathan had begrudgingly complied. He then signalled to Murderface and Nathan that neither European had strangled the other with an IV tube and they cautiously re-entered the room.

"Here Pickle. I thinks she wants her mothers. She squirmings around heaps." Toki said and handed the wolf cub to Pickles. Pickles held the cub to his chest like a baby as the little thing kicked and squirmed. Then suddenly there was a very warm sensation running down Pickles's front.

"Oh what the hell!? It's peein' on me!" Pickle's held the cub out at arm's length and the stream of urine flowed down his shirt and onto his shoes. He backed up a bit until it had stopped. The others all laughed at him standing there, soaked in wolf piss. There was something very metal about the whole situation but they couldn't quite put their finger on it.

"I gotta put that into Planet Pissch schome how." Murderface thought out load.

"Arrg, very fuckin' funny!" Pickles said and he walked away to return the pup.

"Huh, that wouldn't be a bad idea. We could collect all the yard wolf piss from now on and like, spray it on the crowd for the tour." Nathan contemplated.

"We would need a lot for the whole tour." Murderface pointed out.

"Huh, well maybe we could cut it with like, other animals' piss?" Nathan suggested.

"Likes what?" Toki asked.

"I don't know. Like bears and lions and shit." Nathan replied.

"That schounds like a lot of work. Can't we juscht water it down or schomthing?" Murderface said.

"Well there's water animals, so I guess there's piss in the water where they live." Nathan deduced.

"Oh! Whats about de Oceans! Whats where da shark lives!" Toki suggested excitedly.

"Shark piss. Yeah that's pretty metal." Nathan conceded. He had noticed Skwisgaar sitting there very quietly and was suspicious. "So we heard you guys yelling in Snow Speak. You two weren't fighting again, were you?" Nathan asked probingly; He really couldn't keep his nose out of their business.

"Pfft, You has to knows every conversation we has?" Skwisgaar said haughtily to the front man not looking up from his seat. Nathan resisted the urge to yank out a fistful of that golden hair.

"No, but I'm always having to break up your damn fights. The two of you are like fucking children." Nathan retorted.

"More like a married couple." Murderface injected into the conversation.

"Screws you, Moiderface!" Toki said.

"I don't know who the bigger girl is though?" Murderface continued unphased.

"Fucks you." Skwisgaar added.

"Maybe a lesbian couple?" Murderface piggybacked onto his previous comment.

"Fucks off! Skwisgaar ams de pretty one so he ams da girl!" Toki said.

"Fucks you Toki, you ams de girl!" Skwisgaar said uncreatively.

"Actually that would make a lot of sense. Skwisgaar being a lesbian." Nathan added just to be spiteful.

"What? Skwisgaar's a lesbian?" Pickles asked, catching the end of what Nathan said as he re-entered the room.

"Apparrently." Murderface said seriously.

"Oh, yeah, that makes sense." Pickles agreed equally seriously.

"Fucks all of you." Skwisgaar said blankly.

"But then you'd be gay?" Pickles argued mockingly.

"He **is** gay, he's a lesbian." Murderface pointed out.

"So if he fucks de guys he amns't gay no more?" Toki asked joining in but genuinely curious.

"Fucks you all off! I amns't no GIRL!" Skwisgaar yelled.

"See, look, He's on his period." Murderface added still unphased.

Toki started to laugh and everyone else chuckled along as the blonde haired man fumed silently. Skwisgaar had received this insult his entire life and it was now a sensitive spot for him. The others knew this and would deliberately push his buttons from time to time just to see him lose his cool. Mission accomplished.

"It's ok Skwisgaar, the secret's out now." Pickles jokingly reassured the lead guitarist and placed a hand on the blonde man's shoulder, Skwisgaar shrugged it off. "Well, I gotta go wash this shit off me."

"She shits on you toos?" Toki asked.

"What? No. Whatever. So you should be ok to walk around the house soon, yeh?" Pickles said.

"Yeah. I feels a lot better now so they says I can goes around dinner times." Toki replied.

"Ok, We'll come and get you then." Nathan said. "We've got to do some stuff in the studio now. Nubbler's been waiting for us for like three hours. But he can fucking wait, you know. Anyway, come on Skwisgaar, we need a demo of your part for 'Switch-blade intestines'." Skwisgaar slowly and reluctantly stood up to his full height in preparation for leaving.

"Yous going to bes ok by yourselfs for de rest of de day?" Skwisgaar asked Toki.

"Ja, Nat'an brings me mine Gameboy and stuffs." Toki smiled up at Skwisgaar reassuringly.

"Okays." The guitarist said and more to piss off Nathan than to comfort Toki, he put his hand on Toki's head and ruffled his hair. This of course had very little effect as Toki's hair was in a long plait and just resulted in a dishevelled mess on top of the rhythm guitarist's head. Toki looked at him indignantly and Skwisgaar smiled back. Nathan glared at the whole situation with distrust.

"Alright then. We'll see you soon." He said to usher the lead guitarist out of the room. Those two were screaming at each other and now they were being mutually affectionate? They really were more like a married couple, he thought. With that, the other four members of Dethklok left for their studio session with Dick Nubbler.


	10. 2-7 I Sleeps with Skwisy

Chapter 2-7 I sleeps with Skwisy

Toki was discharged from the hospital wing just after seven that night. He was still a little woozy and so refrained from running everywhere like he normally would. Skwisgaar stuck close to Toki all night, again, mostly to piss Nathan off but also for his own peace of mind. They sat on the couch as they had two nights ago and watched the latest episode of Kitchen Calamities. The others were all having their after dinner six pack and Toki was starting to feel left out. He nicked the three quarters full beer out of Skwisgaar's hand and took a swig.

"Tokis, you shouldn'ts be drinkings." Skwisgaar said in his know it all fashion.

"I's not. Dis ams your beer." He said cheekily and took another swig.

"Ja, it ams." Skwisgaar said as he took it back. Toki leaned into the blonde man's side and rested his head on his shoulder.

"Shares wit mes den." Toki said and pressed firmly at him like a cat. Skwisgaar couldn't resist or refuse and so passed the bottle back to the rhythm guitarist who took it as he sat upright again. They shared another two beers while they watched television until Toki started to nod off on the couch.

"Toki are you alright?" Nathan called over when he saw him falling asleep. Skwisgaar looked over and poked him in the arm with the beer bottle he was holding. "What did you think you were doing giving him alcohol?" Nathan demanded of Skwisgaar.

"He wants it, so I shares wit him." Skwisgaar explained flatly. He put down his beer and shook Toki gently. Toki opened his eyes lazily and looked at Skwisgaar. He then decided that laying down would be a much better idea and gently fell sideways onto Skwisgaar's lap. Skwisgaar held both his hands up like Toki was a muddy dog.

"Ooooookaaay. Looks like the lil'guy is just tuckered out. He really probably shouldn't have had any booze, though. Gone straight to his head." Pickles commented.

Nathan glowered at Skwisgaar, got up and walked over to them. "Come on Toki, I'll put you to bed." He said and shook him gently (well, as gently as Nathan could shake anything, so just shy of dislocating Toki's shoulder). Toki opened his eyes and looked up blearily.

"Nah, I sleeps with Skwisy tonight." He said sleepily. Skwisgaar went pink, the man actually blushed. Murderface's jaw dropped and Nathan froze for a moment before he straightened himself.

"'Skwisy'?" He enquired with a raised eyebrow at the lead guitarist. Skwisgaar narrowed his eyes and then defiantly placed one hand on Toki's shoulder and another on his head.

"I didn'ts tink it ams a good idea for him to bes alones tonight." Skwisgaar said ignoring the front man's jab.

"Yeah, you got a good point there, Skwisy." Pickles said and chuckled. Murderface made some under the breath comments about gay Europeans but he agreed as well. Nathan grunted some kind of disapproving sound.

"So you'll roll one of your groupies off the bed to make room for him?" Nathan asked cynically.

"I gives de ladies de night off." Skwisgaar retorted throwing a pout at a silent Nathan. "So you can puts him in my beds, if you wants." He added deliberately. Nathan scowled and backed away. Skwisgaar turned up the corner of his pout in victory. He looked down at the drowsy brunette in his lap and shook him gently awake.

_"Toki, wake up. Toki, come on, time for bed."_ He had switched to Swedish purely to piss Nathan off further. It worked.

_"I am in bed."_ Toki responded still half asleep.

_"No you're not. Come on, let's go to bed."_

_"You can. I'm good here."_

Skwisgaar knew he was getting nowhere, so he ditched his words and returned to what he was good at. He took the hand on Toki's shoulder and ran it down the man's side then squeezed hard on his lower ribs. Toki let out an indignant squeak and rolled over. This gave Skwisgaar the appropriate jack point to leaver Toki up into a sitting position again. Toki rubbed his eyes and blinked a bit.

_"Fine, let's go."_ He said and followed Skwisgaar up the stairs to the swede's room. Nathan's eyes followed them the entire way until they were no longer in sight.

Skwisgaar took a shower before bed as he usually got pretty sweaty before he actually fell asleep so it was just a habit now. He came out of the bathroom to find Toki's clothes (save his boxer shorts) all over the floor and the man curled up under the white fur blanket. Skwisgaar scoffed affectionately at the scene, put on a very unused pair of pyjama pants and slipped under the blanket on the other side.

_"Skwisgaar," _Toki murmured as he rolled over to face the other man. _"You know, I really love my life here. I really like living here, with the band."_ He said lazily.

_"I know what you mean. I like it too. I like it a lot."_

_"Yeah but you're so stupid you thought I'd give it up. I'd never give it up. Not for anything."_

_"Huh. I didn't think of it that way."_ Skwisgaar said without rising to the insult.

_"Well you should have."_ Toki said and rolled to face away from Skwisgaar. Skwisgaar rolled onto his back in exasperation.

_"We've been over this, Toki."_ He said in impatient tones. Silence radiated from the other figure. Skwisgaar thought back to what had caused the original incident and something clicked in his head.

_"Toki, you know, you didn't kill that little girl. You're not responsible for her death."_ Silence continued to fill the room. _"Look, she was sick and dying anyway. It sucks but it just happens sometimes. The Norns decide our fate for us long before we are born, so it wasn't your fault." _Further silence, Skwisgaar sighed. _"That's right, you were raised a Christian, weren't you? Um, this is part of God's plan, or something." _Still nothing, _"Yeah, that was stupid."_ Skwisgaar let out a long loud sigh.

_"You know, I actually have a better understanding of how you must feel than you probably think I do." _He began. _"I thought that I was responsible for you, well, doing what you did, but as it turns out I wasn't and , ja, I was an arrogant jerk for thinking so, but if you had…. Well, if you hadn't woken up, then I wouldn't have found out what really happened and I would have gone on thinking that, well, that it was my fault." _He looked over at the other man's back and dropped all of his defences._ "I don't think I could have live with myself afterwards." _

There was silence for a moment but then it was broken by the sound of quiet snivelling from the other side of the bed. The lead guitarist once again reverted to what he knew best. Skwisgaar slid over and put an arm around Toki's chest. He then kissed the back of his head and rocked him gently as they spooned. After a few minutes of quiet sobbing, Toki rolled over to face him.

_"You know Skwisgaar,"_ he said wiping his eyes and nose, _"Sometimes you're not that big of a dick after all."_

_"Humph, yeah."_ Said the blonde man and kissed Toki on the forehead. _"But don't go spreading that around. I've got a reputation to keep up."_

Toki let out a small laugh. He buried his face into the older man's chest and lay there in that luxurious, sex scented, plinth of promiscuity, with the hands of the fastest guitarist alive holding him firmly, until they both fell asleep. Tomorrow wouldn't be a new day, but it might be a little bit easier.


	11. 3-0 Lounge Room Long Haus

Chapter 3.0 lounge long haus

The entire band had been on edge since the alleged fan attack at the Dethwater concert in the gulf of Danzig. Feelings of distrust for the outside world had mounted and the band never left the grounds of Mordhaus. Skwisgaar hadn't had nearly as many groupies pass through his room as he usually would and the few who had done were from a handpicked sub-harem. None of the band members had really liked being in their own company recently but Toki had been especially clingy, always finding one of the members of Dethklok to shadow. Pickles didn't mind the company of a drinking/smoking partner so he and Toki had spent many nights smoking a bowl and watching late night cartoons together until the wee hours of the morning. Murderface would sometimes join them but would usually finish an entire bottle of whiskey and pass out in his chair by 11:30pm. Toki would often fall asleep on the couch and the Klokateers would remove his boots for him and tuck him in with pillows and blankets where he lay.

One evening when Toki, Pickles, Nathan and Murderface were all sitting in the lounge, drinking and watching TV they witnessed an interesting thing. Some chick, about twenty years old, with purple streaked hair and a matching purple plaid miniskirt was storming down the stairs and across the room towards the Mordhaus front doors.

"Who's that?" Nathan asked as he turned towards the clomping sound powering its way across the room, "Oh, just some groupie slut." He answered himself out loud.

She stopped just before the door, turned on her heal and glared at Nathan "I am NOT some groupie SLUT!" she yelled.

Nathan had a genuine look of honest confusion and surprise on his face. If it looked, smelled, felt and tasted like a groupie slut then chances were it was a groupie slut.

"Did you just come from Skwisgaar's room?" He enquired, just to make sure he hadn't made some hideous mistake. She was silent but her lip snarled upward briefly at the mention of Skwisgaar's name. Suspicions confirmed, "Well then, I don't know what else I'm supposed to call you?" he said flatly and turned away.

At that same moment Skwisgaar appeared on the landing at the top of the staircase and bellowed "GET DAT GROUPIE SLUT OUTS OF HERES!"

"See, I was right the first time." Nathan said to the room at large.

The girl looked up at Skwisgaar, one fist balled and the other crushing her purse. "YOU'RE GOING TO FUCKING DIE ALONE SKWIGELF! YOU KNOW THAT?!" She screamed back.

"GETS DE FUCKS OUT OF HERE!" He replied.

"I WAS ALREADY LEAVING!" and with that, she stormed out of the room with five sets of eyes on her (Klokateers don't count). Four of those sets then snapped up to the blonde man leaning with both hands against the railing. Skwisgaar straightened up and began to quickly walk down the stairs to join his bad mates. He stole the beer out of Toki's hand, with a small protest from the rhythm guitarist, and plopped down in the seat on the couch next to him. All eyes were fixed upon him in anticipation. He took a long gulp of beer, then held the bottle to the left side of his face and leaned back with his eyes closed. Everyone then realised that she had slapped him, hard, which they thought was god damn hilarious.

"Dood! What tha' fuck did you do ta her?" Pickles enquired with a crooked smile and a small laugh, ever the defender of skanky gold diggers and sluts.

"Ha ha. Yeah, man. I mean, it must have been pretty bad." Nathan concurred between laughs.

"You try to schtick it in her assch or schomthing?" Murderface suggested, smirking like an idiot.

Skwisgaar opened his eyes to glare at the bassist, "Nos Murderface, I don'ts gets slapped for dat. Bitches loves dat shit, buts I suppose you wouldn'ts be knowings." He reached over the table and lit one of Murderface's cigarettes.

Nathan and Pickles chuckled at this but Toki was focused on the words Skwisgaar had just said. Not the part about dicks in arses, that was normal, but the fact that Skwisgaar had just referred to women as 'Bitches'. He normally didn't refer to women in a derogatory way and this concerned Toki.

"So whats am happens?" He asked the blonde man point blank and without mirth. Skwisgaar took Toki's second beer and drank from it so as not to remove the first from his bruise; Toki looked slightly irate but allowed it. He then took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled slow and loudly.

"Stupids little girl." Skwisgaar didn't quite seem to want to explain himself but had no real choice after that display. "She be havings the wrong ideas abouts stuff."

"Whats stuff?" Toki prompted.

"She's be thinkings I haves de feelings fors her, just because I has her arounds a few times." Skwisgaar paused, "Okays, a lots of times."

"OH! I See," Pickles said sagely, "Well then good riddance to 'er. Can't have groupies aroun' that don't know tha rules. She left ya a nice parting gift, tho." He said and pointed to the large red hand print coming up on Skwisgaar's face.

"Dids you haves de feelings fors hers?" Toki asked, still concerned how some slut could get his band mate so rattled. Mind you, she did slap the shit out of him.

"Pffts, Nos. She smells nice and gives de good blowjobs. Dats whys I haves her comes round but there ams lots of ones likes dat." He said as he leaned back again and shut his eyes. "Besides, I didn't really wants to be havings lots of peoples we amns't knowing in de haus."

Everyone went a little quiet after he said this and thought again about the 'fan attack' some weeks ago. Pickles approved of this consideration for the household and spoke up.

"Well, I'll help ya out and find some peas or some shit ta put on yer face." With that he got up and went to the kitchen.

The whole freezer was filled with tubs of ice-cream and boxes of popsicles. Pickles rummaged around looking for something suitable when he laid his hand on a glass jar. Fuck yeah! He had forgotten about these! He wrestled it out of the ice and ran back to the lounge room.

"Doods! Doods! Look what I jus' found!" he beamed like a child with a prize frog as he presented the jar to the room. "I recon they've still got some kick to 'em!". The frozen jar had a few tabs of acid rattling around in the bottom of it. Skwisgaar wordlessly, yet very emotively, stumped out his cigarette and stuck out his hand.

"You're not gunna have a bad trip, now are ya?" Asked Pickles with concern, "It's not a good idea to be angry while trippin' balls."

"Wells den gives to me one," chirped Toki "and I's will keeps hims happy whiles he tripps on his balls."

"Toki, do you even hear the schit that comsch out of your mouth sometimesch?" Murderface said.

"Well thens he can keeps me happy toos and we cans tripps on eachothers balls!" Toki retorted. Nathan and Pickles snorted out laughter at the poor little Norwegian.

"Jeschus fucking Chrischt, Toki!" Murderface pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Whats?" Toki enquired, confused as to how that could have been misunderstood.

"Nothin', here" said pickles and placed a tab of acid into Skwisgaar and Toki's hands respectfully. He took two for himself. "You guys want in on this?" he said addressing Nathan and Murderface.

"Nah, I'm gunna go to bed soon." Said Nathan, already yawning a little.

"I'll passch. Probably nothing lefcht in 'em anyway." Said murderface.

"Ok, suit yer selves." Said pickles and the other three took their drugs.

An hour later they were nicely into their high. Toki, in his endeavour to keep Skwisgaar in good spirits, switched the TV over to his nightly cartoons. This prompted Nathan and Murderface to retire to their rooms. The other three sat around watching the bright colours and twinkling lights coming forth from the TV. Toki sat with both elbows on the back of the couch staring up at the ceiling. Why had he never swung from the chandelier before? Those tiny bats made it look so fun.

"Hey pickle," Toki looked over to the drummer whose dreads were now moving of their own accord around the red head's shoulders. Yep, stuff still had some kick to it. "Whats do you thinks it would bes like if we was a cartoon?"

"Wha'?" he responded noting how the skin on Toki's hands was turning from pink to purple to green then back to pink.

Skwisgaar fell sideways on the couch with his head coming to rest on Toki's thigh. The whole thing rippled like jelly beneath them. "You means likes if some guys whats makes a show about ours life but dat shows was a cartons?"

"**Cartoons** not **cartons**! But Yeahs"

"I dinks it woulds be pretty fuckings brutal!"

"Yeah, me too…. I wonder what we'd look like?" Pickles mused.

"OH! Wes coulds have our owns theme song!" Toki suggested and the other two agreed.

Pickles started tapping on his thighs to make a drum beat. Skwisgaar felt awkward without his guitar to follow the drums, so he drew a tiny one on the cushion and played along on that. What? That wasn't the right note. He looked up at the television to see a cartoon bee playing a ukulele poorly, much to the amusement of the sunflower and ladybug. Oh good it wasn't him after all, what the fuck show was this anyway?

"Ha ha, Toki, that bee ams just likes you!" he laughed from Toki's lap.

"ams not!" Toki snapped back.

"Ja, look, it ams just likes you! You's a little bumble bees!"

"Shuts ups, Skwisgaar! I ams nots a bumble bee!"

"Yes you ams. Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz hahaha."

Toki let out a sound of frustration and flicked the blonde's hair over his face as he laughed. Pickles was still drumming away on his thighs but then stopped suddenly.

"Doods, this is the best drum beat ever! I gotta go play this on my kit!" He said and then way on his way to the practice hall.

"I shoulds go with Pickle." Skwisgaar said as he sat up and set his hair back in place, "Plays de gutair parts to thats drums."

"buts…" said Toki,

"Shoulds figure outs de bass parts first den…."

"_No! Stay here with me!_" Toki blurted out in Norwegian. It took Skwisgaar several seconds to realise that it wasn't English.

"Huh? What was dats?" he asked in his drug induce sate of incognition.

"_Stay here with me. We are meant to be tripping together anyway._" Toki looked at the lead guitarist imploringly. He really didn't want to be alone and it was his responsibility to keep Skwisgaar from having a bad trip, even though the likely hood of that was waning.

Skwisgaar, having to make an effort to switch to his mother tongue, thought about all the stairs down to the practice hall and decided that he couldn't be fucked getting off the couch right now.

"_Ok, but I get to choose the television channel_." He said, "_These late night cartoons of yours are starting to get fucking weird._" He started flicking through channels until a familiar sound hit their ears. It was a Viking period film with some Scandinavian actors speaking snippets of Scandinavian languages before reverting to English. Hearing a familiar language on American TV stirred something inside both of them.

"_Do you ever miss home, Skwisgaar?" _Toki asked.

"_Sometimes. Not my actual home with my mother or anything, but I sometimes miss the smell of Sweden. Huh! Funny thing to miss."_

_"Not really. I miss the smell of the forest in summer but I think I miss the animals the most. Especially the rabbits."_

_"There are rabbits here"_

_"They're not the same."_

They sat their drinking for a while watching the movie and all the extra stuff that wasn't actually in the film at all.

_ "Hey!" _Toki said as the proverbial light bulb clicked on above his head, "_I've got an idea! Get off the couch!"_

_"What? Why?" _This was very close to the last thing that Skwisgaar wanted to do.

"_I have an idea but I'll need your help."_

Skwisgaar begrudgingly got up, stumbled a bit and then righted himself on his feet. He was sure that if he stood too close to it he would become one with the coffee table.

"_Ok, I'm up. Now what?"_

_"Pull all the cushions off the couches! We are going to build a Viking longhouse!"_

_"You are such a child, Toki."_

_"Come on, Skwisgaar! It'll be fun. It makes me think of home. Well…. the good parts."_

_"Seriously? Arrg, fine…. Maybe the Troll at the top of the stairs will fuck off if he thinks there are Vikings around."_

_"Troll?!"_

_"It's ok, Toki, it's just the drugs. Besides, I'm pretty sure it can't get down the stairs. It's just a baby."_

_"Oh, well that's a plus. Ok, help me with this."_

With that they ripped off all the large cushions from the couches and proceeded to test a few designs for strength and staying power. One on the floor with two others to make a triangle shape worked best with a few things from around the room used to prop it up and stop it from slipping. In effect, they had made a couch tent. Toki found the blanket box in the corner of the room that the klokateers now kept there for when one of the band members fell asleep on the couches. He took out the blankets and pillows and saw that there were also furs at the bottom. He grabbed it all and put it inside the longhouse. The drugs were beginning to wear off now, in the sense that Skwisgaar' s boots were no longer melding into the coffee table leg when he stood too close, but they had been drinking the whole time.

"_Ok, now what?" _Skwisgaar asked.

_"What do you mean? Now we go inside it."_

_"And do what?"_

_"I don't know, just, be Vikings, I guess."_

_"So, what, like drink some more?"_

_"Yeah, I guess so."_

_"I suppose I can live with that. Those are some pretty nice furs, where did you find them?"_

_"Box over in the corner."_

_"Huh, still not as nice as the one on my bed."_

_"Yeah, the one that reeks of cum. They only killed how many polar bears to make that thing?"_

_"I think, only, like, two. Polar bears are pretty fucking big."_

_"That wasn't my point."_

_"I know."_

Toki glared a little at Skwisgaar then rolled his eyes and took off his boots and belt. He crawled inside the longhouse and sat cross legged in the entrance staring back at Skwisgaar with a big cheesy grin.

"_Arrg, this is going to require something stronger than beer." _He went over to the liquor cabinet, most of which was chilled, and extracted a cold bottle of vodka. "_If you are going to make me do this then I'm at least going to be fucking hammered." _He unscrewed the cap and took a swig straight from the bottle. It's amazing how smooth high quality vodka can be.

He passed the bottle to Toki then removed his own boots and belt. Was he really about to crawl into a couch cushion long house just to make his rhythm guitarist happy? No, it was to get away from the baby Troll. Wait? What Troll? Oh, fuck it, Toki has the vodka now, go on, get in.

Skwisgaar turned off the lights in the main room so at least no one could obviously see what was going on. He then threw a last look to the top of the stairs (Yep, that's definitely a troll) and crawled inside of the long house. He snatched the vodka from Toki's hand and proceeded to down as much as he could without making himself sick. Toki did the same. They talked, well, argued for a while about the differences between Norway and Sweden and how those differences made their home country better than the other's.

Toki lay on his side. "_Arh! What's that?" _he complained "O_h, hey yeah, check this out! I stole.. err.. borrowed it from Charles's desk. "_ From his jeans pocket he produced a laser pointer and pointed it at the ceiling of the long house. There was still just enough acid in their systems to make this light much more interesting than it probably really was.

"_Wow, that's pretty cool." _Skwisgaar said laying down next to Toki, snuggled under the furs. They watched the red light dance on the walls of the longhouse. They lay there mesmerised, still a little high and definitely drunk.

"_You know, Toki, it's a shame your guitar playing sucks because you can be pretty fun to hang out with." _Skwisgaar said in his best, and possibly only effort, to be endearing.

"_What!? My playing doesn't suck!"_ Toki said as he shone the laser pointer through the bottle of vodka, there was only about a quarter left.

"_Pfft! Yes it does, but….. it sucks less than most people. It's like this,"_ he rolled over onto his belly and propped himself up on his elbows. He grabbed two small sections of his hair that fell down over this face, "_see, when you have two strands and you try to put them together_" he twisted the two bits around each other "_they seem strong but"_ he let go and they fell loose "_but it falls apart easily. However, if you add something extra," _he grabbed a small section of long hair from Toki's face, lent in close and plaited the tree strands together "_see? It's much stronger."_

They both lay there and stared at the plait in the light from the television. The single brunette strand ran through the blonde knot work. Toki thought it looked like the mane of a Norwegian Fjord horse and it made him miss the animals of home even more.

Then, in a moment of drunken enlightenment, it occurred to him that this might be Skwisgaar's way of saying that he needed Toki. That he actually enjoyed playing in a band with him, that he enjoyed his company. That he considered Toki a friend. A really close friend. Maybe even a best friend? Toki smiled.

"_Yeah, I see what you're saying but I think it's more like this." _He shook out the plait and grabbed a second piece of his own hair. He then proceeded to knit a four strand plait (a skill he had picked up making nets and mending rope as a child). Blonde and brunette tied together in equal amounts, an even stronger knot. He plaited their hair in the space between their two bodies. Skwisgaar rolled onto his side so Toki could plait all the way to the end of the strands. He smiled at the younger man and understood the point he was trying to make.

"_Maybe one day, Toki, if you practice hard enough, it could be like that."_ Skwisgaar said looking into Toki's pale blue eyes, all eight of them.

"_I wouldn't need that much practice." _Toki rolled those eight pale blue eyes at Skwisgaar. Skwisgaar upturned the corners of his perpetual pout.

The light of the predawn was creeping into the room. Skwisgaar lightly pressed their foreheads together and looked straight into the one true set of Toki's eyes. He reached out and placed a large, thin, pale hand on the back of Toki's neck.

"_Toki, have you really always hated me_?" Skwisgaar asked softly and sincerely.

Toki's whole spine rippled and he became pudding under Skwisgaar's touch. His body temperature rose, his cheeks flushed, his chest tighten and something odd was happening below his navel. He found a new depth in the Arctic ocean of Skwisgaar's iris that connected them back through time, all the way to the real Viking age. Skwisgaar was looking right into Toki's soul and Toki felt completely exposed. All of their most private moments, raw, naked, condensed, had been woven together and had brought them to this point; A point of understanding, of acceptance, of knowing. Their masks had been stripped away and all their hopes and fears lay bare for the other to see. All boundaries between them disintegrated.

The swede expertly ran his hand down Toki's spine to the small of his back and held him there. Electricity sparked through the Norwegian where the lead guitarist's fingers had ran and Toki automatically arched forward to close the distance between their bodies. He curled himself into Skwisgaar's chest and allowed himself to be held. He could feel all the warmth of Skwisgaar's body and slid an arm around the other man's ribs. He felt the swede's heart beat resinating in his own chest as their rhythmic thumping quickened and began to synchronise. He was slightly light headed from the drugs and booze and the relocation of his blood to places below his waist. The lead guitarist ran his hand back up his spine and caressed the back of his neck again. Toki closed his eyes and exhaled deeply in lue of a moan. The fair haired Casanova brushed his thumb skilfully along Toki's neck and jawline.

"_Toki,"_  
_  
"What is it, Skwisgaar?"_ The brunette whispered in the ebbing darkness. His lips parted slightly, moist, quivering, expectant.

_"__I…...I'm going to pass out now."_ And the swede did just that.


	12. 3-1 Morning After the Night Before

Chapter 3.1 Morning after the night before

The next morning Murderface came out onto the landing at the top of the stairs on his way down to the house kitchen for breakfast. Something didn't look right. He rubbed his eyes a little as he walked down the stairs. Nope, it was still there in the middle of the lounge. What the hell was that thing? He yawned a large morning breath yawn and debated whether to wait until after breakfast to solve this mystery. Curiosity got the better of him though and he walked over to it to look inside.

The fuck?…What the fuck?!... …What the ACTUAL FUCK was THIS!? Because it sort of looked like the lead and rhythm guitarist from his band were sleeping nose to nose, **_cuddling_**, under a fucking couch tent! And the fuckers had drunk his $400 bottle of _Resoir Bluer_ limited edition fucking vodka! And they were practically fucking kissing! Under really nice furs! Where did they get such nice furs, anyway?! Why didn't he have any?! Oh, he could not deal with this shit, where were Nathan and Pickles? He took out a smoke and lit it. The sound of the zippo made Toki shift his head up a little so that he and Skwisgaar's mouths really were almost touching. With that hideous picture now tattooed into his psyche, Murderface trotted off towards the kitchen to get help.

He found a very red eyed Nathan with a very large cup of coffee and a very jittery and wide awake Pickles with a can of cola, sitting at the breakfast table. Pickles was twitching his heel and talking very quickly about the drum pattern he had thought up overnight. It looked like Nathan was dragged out of bed early to hear it.

"Um… have you two scheen what'sch in the lounge room?" Murderface asked leaning up against the door frame, cigarette in hand.

"No." Nathan answered non-inquisitively.

"Do you wanna know what'sch in there? Plain asch day? For everyone to schee?"

"No."

"Aw, go on Murderface. Tell uz." If Pickles didn't stop twitching his heel he was going to take flight.

"Well, ya schee, it appearsch that our lead and rhythm guitarists have been making out in a matressch fort."

Pause.

"Are you serious?"

"I'm Scheriousch."

Pause.

Flying foot grounded. Cigarette ash fell to the floor. Two pairs of boots and one pair of shoes raced to the lounge room and stood in front of the long house/mattress fort. The gentle steady breathing of the two sleeping men, entangled in each other's arms and lips half an inch apart, set a lovely background rhythm to the beeping of Pickle's camera phone as he started to record.

Nathan grabbed a handful of couch cushion on either side of the long house and pulled it apart with a loud growl, waking up the two guitarists.

"_What the fuck!_" Skwisgaar let out in Swedish now suffering from a lingual hangover.

_"Arrg, What the hell! Nat'an?"_ Toki had the same hangover. Both of them also had actual hangovers and were now full of adrenaline. Needless to say, having been scared awake by the black haired behemoth of a man significantly increased their fight or flight reactions.

Skwisgaar tried to pull away from Toki but was tethered by the braid in their hair. It pulled at them both sharply and became increasingly tight and tangled.

"_Arrg! Fuck! What the fuck is in my hair!" _the blond man let out.

"_Fuck! You asshole! That hurt! Stop pulling, you're stuck to me!" _The brunette is now holding his hair at the scalp with one hand and on all threes.

The Americans watched on wishing that real life could have subtitles.

"_What the fuck!? Untie me you fucking Norwegian bastard!"_

_"What?! FuckYou, you Swedish prick! You're the Bastard here, not me!"_

Skwisgaar was on him like fleas on a dire wolf. The two were wrestling and punching as best they could with their faces nearly stitched together. Both tugged and hit and tossed the other all over the remains of the little long house spurting out a string of profanity in their native tongues (and a few others).

"Aw man, I know Charles won't let us but this really should go strai' ta You Tube. Feckin' gold!" Pickles continued to follow the two brawling Scandinavians all over the floor with his phone until Nathan, tired and confused, had finally had enough. Nathan leant down and grabbed Skwisgaar (who happened to be on top at that moment) by his shirt and attempted to pull him off Toki. This of course sent a double screech through the whole room that would have put a group of teenage girls to shame.

"Hang on I got it." Murder face said in flat tones as he whipped out one of his 'day' knives (as opposed to his 'evening' or 'formal' knives) and with the precision of a surgeon cut the braid from their hair and tossed it onto the furs. Unfortunately for them he didn't have the precision of a hair dresser.

The two fell back on their arses panting and glared at one another. Now that they were free they could start round two without the handicap but Nathan killed this idea almost immediately.

"What the fuck is going on here!" He demanded of the two guitarists.

The two men on the floor pointed at each other:

_"He attacked me!" _ Toki said.

"_He provoked me!" _explained Skwisgaar_.  
_

"Guys," Nathan said to get their attention.

"_Ja_?" They replied in Unison.

"First one to answer me in **English**, will not be beaten to a bloody pulp." The front man crossed his arms and waited, he was really not in the mood for this.

They both raced to rearrange their internal linguistic wiring.

"He starts it!" Toki had won.

"Nos, you starts it!" Skwisgaar desperately contradicted. Blood red was actually not a good colour on him.

"Fucks yous! You Hits me firsts!"

"Fucks yous! You makes me!"

"Toki, what the fuck did you say to him?" Nathan asked in his most fatherly tone.

"I saids '_du er den jævelen her, ikke meg (__1)_.' That ams all." Toki explained in a childish sing-song voice deliberately to piss off Skwisgaar further.

Skwisgaar let out such a primitive, deep, guttural growl that if Nathan hadn't been so tired and pissed off he might have considered putting it on their next album. However at that moment Skwisgaar leapt toward Toki again and Nathan grabbed him bodily in mid-air.

"Nos you didn'ts you fucking dildos! I says _jäveln (__2) _You says _Uekte (__3)_! Don'ts use dem curvys engelsk meanings!"

Skwisgaar let out a slew of the most hard core multilingual profanity he could muster and squirmed violently which made Nathan restrain him tighter. Toki's eyes went very wide at some of the things the swede said and he was grateful Nathan didn't know what he was just called. Nathan caught this is Toki's expression.

"HEY! I don't need to know what you're saying to know what you're saying. Got it? Now calm the fuck down!" Nathan said intensely to the squirming lead guitarist in his grasp. Skwisgaar admitted defeat and went still. "Good! Now go to your room so I can deal with Toki." He released Skwisgaar who threw Toki one last dirty look before he stormed off to his room in a way that only a twenty seven year old man imitating a fourteen year old girl could achieve. This seemed the natural end point of Pickle's video and he stopped recording. He was right though, totally You Tube worthy.

Nathan then turned to Toki. Toki knew Nathan didn't like to get mad at him (He didn't know why) but at that moment he was a little scared. He knew he had pushed it too far this time.

"Alright Toki, I don't even care what you said to him anymore. Just clean up this fucking mess; don't give me that look! No, the Klokateers won't be doing it, **you** will be doing it. Now **do it**!" And with that Nathan left the lounge to return to his, now cold, mug of coffee. Pickle's and Murderface followed suit and left Toki alone in the lounge.

Toki turned to the pile of long house ruins next to him. There on the furs was the braid and it triggered some fuzzy recollections of last night. He sat there for about 2 minutes trying to remember all of the events that surrounded that braid. He remembered that Skwisgaar ("_what a jerk"_) had actually told him that one day Toki might be as good as him, that Toki mattered to him, that they nearly…. OH FUCK!

Toki leapt up, grabbed the braid and stuffed it into his pocket, that way no one could see it and no one would know. Know what? Nothing! No big deal. Just forget the whole thing ever happened. Nothing happened. It almost did but it didn't and Toki hadn't wanted it to either, even though he had but that didn't matter because nothing happened anyway. Case closed, nothing to see here, on to the next topic.

He flagged down a passing Klokateer.

"Yous! Cleans dis ups at once!" he commanded.

"Yes, sire." The Klokateer responded and two more appeared and began cleaning up the lounge room.

Toki grabbed the last of the bottle of vodka as he headed up to his bedroom. He had a feeling he was going to need it. Once in his room Toki took a small swig from the bottle "_It really does taste like dog hair the next morning._" He thought to himself. He took out the severed braid from his pocket and looked at it on his desk. There it was, everything he'd ever wanted; To be like him, to have Skwisgaar just **look** at him; To be his equal and stand on the stage as peers.

He took some craft tape from his top draw and bound the two ends of the knotted and tangled plait. He held it for a while and tried to tidy it up. He emptied out an old pencil tin, wrapped the braid in paper and sealed the dream away in its little metal coffin. It was a dead dream anyway. Dead before it even took a breath. A still born… Or was it? Skwisgaar had said it was possible, that Toki could one day rise to his level. He knew he wasn't a bad guitarist. How much more effort could it possibly take? Maybe he could show him? Yeah, he could just show him how good he was. He could just rock out a solo at one of their gigs! That would make Skwisgaar notice him! So long as that show wasn't ruined by fans trying to kill them all again, he thought and his heart sank.

..."_Toki, have you really always hated me_?"...

"_Arrg!_ _Yes! I have! Now get the fuck out of my head you stupid Swedish prick!" _He said aloud to his own four walls. He resigned himself to a shower and then went and raided the unmarked bottles in Pickle's medicine cabinet until he found a winner.

* * *

_1. Du er den jævelen her, ikke meg._ – you are the bastard (asshole) here, not me.

2. _jäveln – Bastard (asshole) {swedish}_

3._ Uekte_ – bastard (illegitimate child) {Norwegian}


	13. 4-0 Throw up in your own bathroom

Chapter 4.0 Throw up in your own bathroom

"Toki! Toki! Where de fucks am yous!?" Skwisgaar bellowed down the hall. "TOKIS!". He was pacing through the whole of Mordhaus looking for the AWAL rhythm guitarist as he was meant to be in the studio four hours ago to work on some demos. Skwisgaar had gone to the trouble of writing the rhythm guitar part (and all other guitar parts), the least the prick could do was show up and play them! He had already checked all the regular places for Toki to be and was now re checking his bedroom. Nothing.

Skwisgaar reached into his pocket for his cigarette packet and lit his second last one. He would have to return to his room to replenish his supply, especially if a certain little Norwegian brat kept stressing him out. He entered his room and went over to his dresser which continually had a bottle of vodka and a few packets of Marlboros on it. He picked one up and was about to walk out when he caught the sound of running water coming from his bathroom. The door was half open and Skwisgaar pushed it all the way to see what was going on.

Toki was laying there on his bathroom floor with the tap running and spew on pretty much everything. This was the last straw for Skwisgaar. He had been getting steadily more and more pissed off with Toki's drinking. It seemed that every time he would pick up a beer he would just keep going until he was shit faced, no matter what the social situation. Everyone knew he had developed a problem but now that problem had thrown up all over his bathroom and Skwisgaar couldn't handle it anymore.

He went over and turned off the water then just stood over the passed out man smoking his cigarette. The whole room reeked of vodka bile. As he smoked he wound himself up tighter and tighter until he was little more than a bottled snow storm with a very loose cap. He stamped out his cigarette on the floor then forcibly rolled Toki over onto his back. The Norwegian made a mild groan of annoyance.

"Toki! Wakes de fuck ups!" The swede demanded. Toki groaned a little more in protest. He bent over, grabbed the front of the drunkard's tee shirt and back handed him hard across the face. Toki let out a pained noise then flickered open his eyes angrily.

"What de fucks!?" Toki snarled as he focused on the blonde hair in front of him. "Skwisgaar! You motherfucker! What de hell!?" He tugged at Skwisgaar's clenched fists that were now balled up in his chest.

"You fuckings prick! What you doings in mine room! Yous meant to bes in de fuckings studio!?" He shook the Norwegian in frustration. Toki managed to rip the swede's hands off him.

"So fucking what! You assholes don'ts give a shits if I'm dere or not!" He yelled from the floor then attempted to stand up. He swayed a bit but eventually managed to right himself. He had patches of vomit on the knees of his jeans from where he had knelt in an errant puddle of the stuff.

"You don't do nothings anyway, so yous can at least shows up when I fucking tells you!" The swede raged.

"Aww, goes fucks your mother, Skwisgaar!" Toki said holding his head and attempting to push past the swede. "Likes everyone else." He added just to be malicious. Believe it or not, this was actually not sensitive point for Skwisgaar. He admitted the woman was a whore all the time but he was still mightily pissed off.

Skwisgaar shoulder barged Toki to stop him walking away and knocked him into the glass shower door (which miraculously didn't break). Toki glared back at him gearing up for the fight.

"What de fucks ams you doing in heres anyway? You can throws up in yours bathrooms!" Skwisgaar still required an answer to this question.

"Wells maybe I don't wants to!"

"What de fucks ams dat supposed to means?"

"Fucks you! Dat's what!"

Skwisgaar began to growl and clenched his teeth and fists. Toki mimicked him and the two stood there for a moment facing off. Skwisgaar then threw his fist sideways into the door frame.

"What de fucks am WRONGS WIT YOU!" Skwisgaar screamed.

"Nothings! Now get de fucks out of my ways!" Toki replied and pushed Skwisgaar forcibly aside as he began to power out of Skwisgaar's room. Skwisgaar decided that this would have to be resolved with physical violence. Her strode after Toki and grabbed him by the shoulders, pulling him back into the middle of the bedroom.

"You fucking childrens!" He yelled as Toki tottered on the spot, desperately trying to maintain his balance. Toki was pissed off now.

"Fucks you!" he said through gritted teeth and shoved the swede hard in the chest.

This triggered the brawl and the two of them began a vertical wrestling match. Toki was considerably stronger but was hazy and uncoordinated so Skwisgaar's height advantage paid off. He managed to push Toki to the edge of the bed and he fell backwards onto it. Before he could get up Skwisgaar had pinned him down. Toki trashed but the blonde pressed his whole body weight against him to hold him still. Skwisgaar curled his lip and snarled nose to nose with the rhythm guitarist. They stayed like that until Toki finally gave up and stopped struggling. Satisfied that he had asserted his dominance, Skwisgaar slowly lifted himself up without releasing the man below him.

_"Fuck you then, I'll get Pickle's to do it. He's better than you anyway."_ Skwisgaar said and he gave the rhythm guitarist's wrists a last jolt before releasing him. He straightened up and stood right between the Norwegian's knees.

_"Screw you! That's my part!"_ Toki said as he lifted himself onto his elbows.

_"Ja, Well you obviously don't want it. Look at you! Covered in puke and four hours late to the studio because you're drunk!" _He scowled down at Toki which, coupled with his height, ended up being quite imposing.

_"So what?! It's metal!."_

_"Pfft, and playing metal isn't metal? You don't even care about the music, do you?"_ He crossed his arms and regained some level of composure.

_"Of course I do! I play it, don't I?"_

_"Ja, Shitally."_

_"I do not!"_

_"You wouldn't know."_

_"Fuck you!"_

_"What the fuck are you doing in here anyway?" _

_"I came looking for you."_

_"Why?"_

_"I can't remember. Now let me off this cum covered bed!"_

_"Ha! Ja, if you lay there too long you might fall pregnant."_

_"Fuck you!"_

_"Then you would definitely fall pregnant." _

Toki's brain halted. Didn't he want off this bed a moment ago? Toki just stared up at him and silently scowled as he took in all six foot-seven inches of the towering swede and convinced himself that what he actually wanted to do was punch those pouty lips. Skwisgaar felt a little uncomfortable at winning their fight so easily as he was expecting Toki to react like, well, Toki. He uncrossed his arms and lit a cigarette in his best 1930's gangster fashion.

Skwisgaar exhaled smoke through his nose and contemplated the Norwegian. Toki further convinced himself that this wasn't a turn on.

_"Go clean yourself up. You're starting to smell like that fucking clown."_ The blonde said coldly.

_"Good! At least he isn't an asshole!"_ Toki snapped and remembered who was really standing in front of him.

_"Ja, he is."_

_"Fuck you, he's my friend! My only fucking friend! But he's in jail now anyway, so that doesn't even matter anymore."_ Toki looked away but continued to frown. He was beginning to get a headache and could now taste the foulness of his own mouth.

Skwisgaar's chest released a bit at this statement and he allowed his anger to uncoil slightly. He was trying to pin point exactly why that sentence had hurt so much but pushed the thought aside. The day was almost over and the others would be wrapping up in the studio by now so he took another draw of his cigarette and weighed up his options.

"_We'll do your part tomorrow, then. And don't even think about drinking beforehand_." He said emotionlessly.

_"We're drunk in the studio all the time!"_

_"Well not tomorrow. Now get your barf encrusted arse the hell off my bed and the fuck out of my room."_

The next day, Toki actually presented himself at the breakfast table for the first time in weeks. He looked like he might have even gotten a good night's sleep. Skwisgaar sat there with his coffee and guitar plucking away as Nathan commented on the morning's newspaper headlines between his Bacon and eggs. Pickles had the betting guide from the newspaper and was pawing over the racing lists with a mouthful of French toast.

"Dood, this horse I own is shit! It hasn't made tha top five in any o' its races!" Pickles complained.

"Wowee, you owns a race horse, Pickle?" Toki piped up from his bowl of Froot Loops. Murderface walked in bleary eyed and sauntered over to the coffee pot without greeting anyone.

"Yeh, Abduhl recommended it." Pickles began, "One o' his fuckin' eighteen brothers owns a studfarm in Wyoming, or at least owns the company in the UAE that owns the farm, fuckin' I dunno. They said this one came from really good stock."

"Oh whats kind of da horse ams it!" Toki asked excitedly.

"A big, brown one. I dunno."

"Sounds like de Thoroughbreeds. Most of de race horses am." Toki said, strangely knowledgeable on the subject. "What ams its name?"

"Bloodacid Ejaculate." Pickles stated.

"Metal." Nathan commented as Murderface sat down with his coffee.

"Ha!" Skwisgaar sniggered "So de announcer guys says 'it ams Bloodacid Ejacsulate commings up de rears.'?"

Everyone else laughed at this but Murderface who just held his forehead in his hand and sighed.

"Scheriously Skwisgaar, I haven't even had my firscht cuppa coffee and you're already talking about dicksch in assch. How gay are you?" Murderface said exasperated.

"Well you ams de only ones whats has a problem with it." Skwisgaar responded pointedly.

"Huh? What, so you are gay? For real?" Murderface asked with a lack of morning cognition.

"Yeh, he's a lesbian, ain't he?" Pickles reminded the group and smiled his crooked smile from behind his betting guide. There was a general round of chuckled recollection. Skwisgaar rocked back on his chair and picked more fiercely at his X-plorer. Toki revelled in the Swede's irritation and thought how cute his annoyed pout was. Wait, no it wasn't. He just liked seeing that smug look wiped off his face. Yeah that was it.

"Well nothing can bring me down today! I'm opening for Nasch car tonight! Bassch scholo, motherfuckers! Scho You'd better be watching!" Murderface exalted.

"Yeah, sure thing, Murderface. We'll show our unyielding support by watchin' T.V." Pickles reassured him with mild sarcasm.

"You'd better." The bassist said and then threw himself into some baked beans on toast.

Skwisgaar stood up from the table. "Comes on, Toki. You gots lots of work to dos. I needs to make you nots sounds dildos, if dat ams possibles."

"Yous such an ass, Skwisgaar!" Toki yelled up at the swede.

"**HEY**!" Nathan cut in and froze the whole room, "What have I told you about fighting at the breakfast table!"

"Nothings. You says not to fight at de dinners table." Toki said innocently.

"It's the same thing!"

"No it amns't. De dinner table am ins de dinners room."

"Arrg, well then don't start shit at any table with food on it."

"Only de sits-down ones, right?"

"No, fucking all of them! Now go learn your shit for the new demo. The label's up our ass as it is so wait until **after** you get some work done to have your fucking bitch fit!"

Nathan flicked his paper back in front of his nose as Toki sat there indignantly with a childish scowl. Skwisgaar lifted his guitar up with a smug smirk and supported it across his shoulders like an axe.

"Ja, stops having de baby's tantrum and let's be goings."

"Screws you."

"Yous wish."

Toki's chest clenched.

"Scheriously, Skwisgaar. Be more gay." Murderface sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

Toki paned his gaze up at the towering swede who shifted his weight and shot a cocked-eyebrow – defiant-pout combo back down to him. It wasn't cute, it wasn't cute at all. It was sexy! It was Eric Northman meets Tylor Durden and they **fuck**, sexy. It was the perfect 'Yeah, that's right' look and Toki made himself dizzy flicking between the two possible connotations it had. He was confused and annoyed and slightly turned on and so decided in that moment that he hated Skwisgaar more than ever.

Toki bared his teeth and growled at the blonde. Nathan let out a much, MUCH deeper growl and glared at the two Scandinavians over the rim of his reading glasses. Toki accepted that evoking Nathan's ire was about as clever as buying Italian Euro bonds, so he silently stood up from the table and reluctantly followed the bouncing blonde hair out of the kitchen.

Nathan exhaled a long sigh and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger over his glasses.  
"It's not even noon!" he vented in frustration.

Pickles lent over and patted the front man on the shoulder, "I know, Nathan. I know."


	14. 4-1 Fucking with Suits

Chapter 4-1 Fucking with Suits

Skwisgaar and Toki had been in the studio and practice hall all afternoon. Toki had forgotten all about his little moment at the breakfast table as Skwisgaar had been on his case all day. He'd gotten better towards the end and so their time together seemed more bearable. Around 4pm Skwisgaar's phone bleeped a text at him.

_"Arrhg, I forgot about that."_ Skwisgaar said idly.

_"Forgot what?"_ Toki asked.

_"Just some party I'm meant to be at tonight. One of my fucking endorsement deals. Shit, I don't think I can get out of this one."_

_"You don't want to go?"_

_"No. All those douchebags just want a piece of me. Fucking boring idiots trying to talk to me all night. You know the head dildo asked me to invest in the company the last time?"_

_"Wowee, what did you say to him?"_

_"Nothing. I fucked his wife in the bathroom, though."_

_"Yeah, you would."_

_"Yeah and I'd do it again. Cute little thing, about half his age." _Skwisgaar spoke as he began texting back,_ "Come with me." _

_"What? Really?!"_

_"Yeah, I need someone to distract them. It's an open bar so get as drunk as you like. The more you throw up on these people the happier I'll be. Fucking dildos."_

_"You really are a selfish arse, aren't you?"_

_"You're going to come though?"_

_"Yeah."_

The two guitarists arrived at the hotel and made their way to the VIP lounge. The room was thick with cigar smoke, brandy breath and comb overs. Skwisgaar and Toki had half-heartedly risen to the occasion by throwing on dinner jackets over their regular clothes. All eyes clapped on Skwisgaar as he entered the room but he was used to this and would have felt more awkward if they hadn't. One of the fat, balding men in a white shirt and blue suit came straight over to greet them.

"Skwisgaar Skwigelf! Our guest of honour, welcome, welcome!" said Suit #1 and shook the lead guitarist's hand with both of his.

"Ja, hellos." Skwisgaar said in a failing effort to not sound like he would rather be absolutely anywhere else at that precise second.

"And who is this you've brought with you tonight?" Suit #1 asked with a cautious smile. Toki immediately hated this man.

"I ams Toki. Toki Wartooth. You mights of heards of me, I ams in dis big band called Dethklok." Toki said sardonically. Skwisgaar raised a corner of his mouth; this was going to be a fun night after all. Suit #1's eyes went wide and he beamed at Toki like he hadn't just insulted the famous guitarist.

"Well isn't this a treat!" he said to Toki and shook his hand just as passionately. "What an absolute pleasure to have both Dethklok guitarists here tonight. Simply marvellous! Let me get you both a drink. What will it be?"

"Vodka." The two guitarists said in unison.

"Of course! The Swedish love their vodka." Suit #1 said knowingly.

"I's from Norway." Toki said flatly.

"Yes, them too. Norway is close to Sweden, yes?"

"Ja." Toki said equally flatly and crossed his arms.

"Very good then." Suit #1 ushered them to a lounge area where another few suits were waiting for them, then he turned to one of the wait staff. "Barkeep! A bottle of your finest Swedish vodka and two glasses."

Their vodka arrived and Toki downed about a quarter of a glass in two gulps as the suits talked on and on about sales figures and promotional ideas with Skwisgaar and each other. It took several minutes for Toki to decipher that the product was GuitarAid, the energy drink for fast guitarists. This pissed Toki off almost to the point of leaving but just then a woman wearing a fitted, cream coloured cocktail dress and way too much jewellery wondered over to their table.

"My stars! If that isn't the man of the hour." She drawled in a thick southern accent.

"Ah, may I present my wife…" Suit #1 started but was cut off by the Swede.

"Rose! Hellos. How ares you?" He greeted her warmly.

"All the better for seeing you." She said with a warm smile.

"You two have already been, ahh, introduced then?" Suit #1 asked hesitantly.

"Ja." Skwisgaar said as he took her hand and kissed it. "We has met."

Toki would have found this repulsive if it weren't for the looks on the other Suits' faces. He lifted his glass and smiled broadly into his drink. Fucking suit men, he could see why Skwisgaar didn't want to be here.

"And if that isn't Mr. Wartooth! I am delighted to make your acquaintance." Rose said to Toki. "Seein' both of my favourite musicians in the same place at the same time, well, I must of done something right for God to send me such a blessing."

Toki immediately liked this woman. He stood up to greet her properly then offered her the seat on the lounge between him and Skwisgaar. This got exactly the reaction he was hoping for from the other men, especially Suit #1. The blonde followed his lead and the two of them spent the next half an hour paying extra special attention to Rose.

_"This is the funniest fucking shit I've done in a while._" Toki said to Skwisgaar after a third of a bottle of vodka each. He lit a cigarette and poured another drink.

_"I know what you mean. Just look at the faces on these didloes."_ Skwisgaar chortled and waved around his empty glass as an indication for Toki to fill it.

"You two are so delightfully foreign! Do you know that?" Rose smiled, utterly fascinated by their secret language.

"Oh, Ja, we be knowings dat." Toki said with a thick accent and cheeky smile. He leaned back and exhaled smoke weakly through his nose in a subconscious imitation of the lead guitarist. Skwisgaar stretched a hand around the back of the couch where Rose sat and drank with his other hand. Suit #1 had hit his breaking point and said something about needing fresh air. He asked Rose to come with him and she grudgingly did so.

"Well we can't keep you to ourselves all night. Come! I'll introduce you to some interesting people." Suit #2 said trying to cut the tension.

"I doubts dat." Skwisgaar said incredulously but pulled himself off the couch anyway.

It was a total sausage festival, and not the good kind. The few other women there were all a part of the company and so wanted to talk figures and business with them. The pair of them were pulled around the room and introduced to one boring douchebag after another. One particularly douchey douchebag tried to brag about the money he was making on the stock market.

"I've just recently made a ten thousand dollar investment in the high end hotel conglomerate Kingsdale group limited. This hotel is actually a part of it. They have excellent financial backing I'm told, so I'll be looking to double my money in four years!" Suit #16 bragged.

"Hey, why ams dat name so familliars?" Toki slurred slightly and furrowed his eyebrows in thought.

"Well they own a number of prestigious five-star hotels across the U.S. and Canada. Their growth potential is well above index. It was a very clever investment if I do say so myself." Suit #16 replied in a boastful fashion.

"Is de Krampfords Hotel a parts of it? De one Wit de greats Italian food place?" Toki enquired in vague recollection of something important.

"Why yes! The iconic Krampford Hotel is a shining jewel in the company's crown. Celebrity chef Don Tony runs the restaurant _Altezzoso_ they have there. It's very popular and quite the money spinner." Suit #16 added proudly.

"Ja, dat ams de one! Good Gnocci dere, dat's why I buys it." Toki said reflectively.

"Well yes, I expect that's why most people buy the food there." Suit #16 said with a contagious chuckle that spread though the other suits. Toki put one hand in his pocket and stayed completely casual.

"No, I means de restaurant." Toki corrected Suit #16.

The men stopped laughing and stared at the tipsy, long haired, twenty three year old musician standing in front of them.

"Ja, I's tought dat names was familiar. I likes de restaurant so I buys de hotel. Guess I's must of ended up buyings de whole company." Toki said as he finished his drink with a wince. "I's been pretty drunks lately." He added truthfully.

Skwisgaar's mouth turned upward. He was having the time of his life messing with these corporate douchebags. He thought he'd add insult to injury and flagged down a passing waiter.

"Heys yous!" The blonde took out a wad of cash and counted out two thousand dollars "Don'ts be lettings our galsses get empety." He said to the waiter and slipped the sub-wad into the young man's top pocket.

"Yes sir!" the young waiter said with eyes only a fraction wider than the onlooking suits. Skwisgaar saw Rose wandering over to them and put another thousand dollars into his front pocket.

"Or hers." He added and all the suits looked over at the beaming Rose who barged right past them and straight up to the two musicians.

"There you two are! Why, you both look boreder than an Atheist at a sermon." She said beaming up at them and they returned a warm expression. "There is just the most amazing moon to be seen out on the terrace. My hubby ain't never been much for star gazing but I would think a couple of artist like yourself would appreciate it."

"A Rose in de moons light. Sounds pretty." Toki said.

"Ja, yous husband ams a strange man." Skwisgaar added.

Rose grabbed both their free wrists and pulled them gently away towards the terrace with all the other suits watching behind them. The moon was indeed beautiful. It was almost full and had a rainbow halo around it from the damp night sky. They sat outside on one of the bench chairs with Rose in between them. They talked and drank and laughed for another hour or so and both of them realised they actually liked her. Skwisgaar and Toki were quite drunk now and getting a bit more bold about their flirtatious behaviour towards the woman.

"Now boys, if my husband sees ya'll doing that." She said when Skwisgaar began to twirl a bit of her hair in his fingers. She didn't stop him though. Toki held her chin lightly in his hand and turned her head towards him.

"Whats? He never learns to share?" he said and treated her to a raised eyebrow and a devilish smile. She blushed and it was visible even under the moon light.

"Ja, he should be learnings how to share." Said the Swede and ran his hand down her hair to the back of her neck. "We knows how to share." He whispered into her ear.

Rose closed her eyes for a moment and bit her lip. Toki was looking into her face and found this incredibly amusing. Is that the face he had made when Skwisgaar did the same thing to him? What? Don't think about that! Oh, fuck it, think about anything you want, it's a party and your 90% vodka at the moment. Toki gently ran his fingers down her throat and stopped at her chest as she exhaled deeply. This was about to become a competition between the two guitarists but Rose shook them off gently and announced she had to powder her nose. The two band mates leaned back and lit a cigarette each.

_"She ran away."_ Toki said disappointed.

_"She'll be back. They always come back."_ Skwisgaar said with a drunken smirk. Some of the suits were looking over at them and speaking behind their hands.

_"I love fucking with these dildos. This is the sort of shit I miss doing with Rockso."_ Toki said and took a sip from his drink. _"Just getting drunk and doing stupid fun shit."_

_"Ja, well you don't need that damn clown anyway. He was just a loud pain in the arse."_

_"Well he was funny and he made me laugh."_ Toki retorted.

_"What? Driving around and shooting things made you happy?"_

_"Yeah, it was fun!"_

_"But you're having fun now, right?"_

_"Yeah. I really am." _He said with a smile._ "That Rose is really nice and funny too. How is she married to that fat old douchebag?"_

_"Ha, ja, I know. I don't think I could have gotten through tonight on my own. I'm glad I had you two with me." _He exhaled his smoke upward into the cool night sky._ "You know, Toki, women like that spend their entire life on display. They have to pretend that they are happily married and not a damn trophy wife."_

_"Ja, but they don't have to do anything. They spend all day out at lunch with the other trophy wives, eating nothing and gossiping like little girls! I think she knew what sort of life to expect. "_

_"Ja, I think so too but it's a shame she's around these suits all the time. Maybe that's why she came and saved us from these boring idiots, she knows exactly how shit they are. I just think we should do something nice to repay her."_ He said with a glassy, mirth filled glance at the brunette.

_"Do something nice, huh? That doesn't sound like you."_

_"I meant we should fuck her."_

_"Oh, that does sound like you. Wait 'we'?"_ Toki asked and looked over at Skwisgaar, he had the same 'Yeah, that's right' expression on his face from breakfast. Toki's defences were way down from the vodka and jovial evening. He liked the idea of seeing Skwisgaar at his most vulnerable and he let a few drunken fantasies enter his mind.

_"Ha, yeah. We could give her a really good story to tell her friends. Her two favourite musicians." _Toki said, thusly agreeing to the proposition. Skwisgaar smiled and took a draw of his cigarette.

_"I'm her favourite, you're her second favourite."_

_"She talked as much to me tonight as you!"_

_"Whatever. I'm the one who got her wet."_

_"Ja, while she was looking at me!"_

_"So? I bet I'll make her scream the loudest too."_

_"Fuck you, Skwisgaar."_

_"Hey, it's a party."_ Skwisgaar shrugged and put an arm around Toki playfully. Toki burst out laughing and leaned into him. It was hard to believe that he spent so much time hating this man. He had a warm feeling in his chest, which was predominantly Vodka related, but he really was having a good time and he was actually enjoying Skwisgaar's company.

Suit #1 came over to them while they were still laughing and hugging on the bench. He gave them a funny look but dismissed his thought; Europeans hugged all the time, right?

"Good to see you boys are, errr, enjoying yourselves. Skwisgaar I need to talk to you about something, errh, business related. Privately." He said to the blonde man so Skwisgaar got up reluctantly and went off to talk to Suit #1. Just then the young waiter that had been dutifully attending to them all night raced over and stuck a note into Toki's hand without a word. It was on the hotel stationary {S&T, Penthouse suite} and it was signed with a picture of a rose. Toki smiled to himself. He and Skwisgaar were going to fulfil her fantasy and would get to fill her in the process.

Skwisgaar and Suit #1 returned to where Toki was sitting.

"So I'll contact Charles and have all the paperwork sorted out." Suit #1 was saying to Skwisgaar as they approached. Suit #1 was looking a lot happier.

"Hey, Skwisgaar. I wants to take a look arounds de hotel. Comes with me." Toki said in front of the head suit as he passed the note to Skwisgaar.

"You want a tour of the hotel?" The suit questioned.

"Ja, but I takes mine own tour. I finds out tonight from one of your guys dat I owns dis dump." Toki said as he put both his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. Suit #1 looked genuinely surprised and Toki loved it. "_Come on. Let's go fuck this prick's wife."_ He said to Skwisgaar and gave him a friendly little shoulder shove as an indication to follow him. The blonde man just smirked and walked away with the brunette.

"Have a good time, then!" Suit #1 called out after them.

"Ja, takk! We wills!" Toki waved back at him with a huge grin and they left the VIP lounge.


	15. 4-2 DP Penthouse

Chapter 4-2 DP Penthouse

They entered the Penthouse suite to find Rose sitting in the middle of one of the large lounge sofas with a bottle of champagne.

"Hello boys. Enjoying the party?" She said with a sultry stare. Skwisgaar smiled and sauntered over to her. He held her chin in place and kissed her hello.

"Dis ams a bit nicer dan de last time we sees each other. I likes it." He said as he sat next to her and poured himself some champagne.

Toki strutted over and took up his position on her other side. He ran his hand down the length of her arm all the way to her glass and took it from her. He drank from it and returned it to her with an intent filled grin. Skwisgaar began twirling her hair around in his fingers again.

"You knows Rose, you saves us from one of de most borings events we beens to in a longs time." Skwisgaar said as he brushed away her hair and kissed her neck. She flushed and exhaled loudly.

"Ja, you does us de huge favours." Toki added as he ran his hand up and down her arm.

"Sos we comes to repay you." Skwisgaar whispered loudly in her ear. Rose bit her lip and placed her glass on the table.

"I ain't got long so I just want everything to be perfect." She said as she picked up a remote control and turned on the stereo which blasted forth Dethklok's Dethwater album. She then stood up in front of the two guitarists and smiled hungrily at them.

Rose bent down and kissed Skwisgaar, slipping off his dinner jacket at the same time. She then shifted over to Toki, and did the same to him. She returned to the swede and removed his shirt then she worked her mouth down over his neck and chest. Toki put a hand on the back of her thigh and rubbed it. When she turned to him he placed a hand on the back of her head and brought their lips together. Toki was an excellent kisser and he held her there while she snaked her hands under his shirt. She felt his rock hard abs and broke away in amused surprise. He removed his shirt for her and enjoyed her appreciative expression. Skwisgaar got a little jealous and so responded by unzipping her dress. She allowed the dress to fall to the floor exposing her exquisite designer lingerie.

Toki pulled her down and she straddled him while he skilfully played her mouth with his own. The swede used this time to remove his boots and belt and finish his glass of champagne. He squeezed her thigh to get her attention then lay back on the high arm of the sofa and beckoned her onto him. He kissed her on the mouth once then her jawline and neck all the way down her chest. He then unhooked her bra with one hand and released her breasts. He ran his tongue over her nipples and she moaned loudly when he nipped at them. She brought both hands down to his waist and undid his jeans. Skwisgaar was of course, free balling, so she had no trouble grasping his manhood and helping it grow.

Toki took this time to remove the rest of his clothes. He lay on the other end of the sofa with a full glass of champagne and stroked himself softly as he watched the other two. She had Skwisgaar under her total control. He threw his head back and moaned in time with her hand movement. Toki became increasingly hard with each sound the swede released and had to restrain himself from overzealousness. He crawled between Skwisgaar's legs and pressed his chest into Rose's back. He brought his hands under her steadily pumping arms and cupped her breasts. He squeezed her nipples slightly as he kissed her shoulder and pressed his hot, hard length against her. She moaned loudly and lost her tempo on the swede. Skwisgaar brought his head up and was a little thankful that her skilful hands had been distracted. He looked up to see Toki's strong shoulders resting above hers and his calloused fingertips pinching her nipples. He watched the brunette's hair fall over Rose's shoulder as he kissed her neck and the flesh still held loosely in her hand throbbed.

Skwisgaar slipped his hand down the front of her panties and found her most sensitive area. She whimpered loudly and Toki responded by biting gently on her neck muscles and squeezing her breasts again. She screamed out in ecstasy which made both of the men give a little evil laugh of satisfaction. Rose bent an arm behind her and around Toki's neck as she twisted her head to kiss him. Skwisgaar watched on and began to touch himself and her at the same time; It was great being ambidextrous. She moaned into Toki's mouth as Skwisgaar's fingers played her stings. Toki slid his hands down her sides and hooked his thumbs into her panties. She leant forward and he pulled them down and off her. Skwisgaar's left hand inconspicuously extracted something from his dinner jacket on the floor. He then pulled his jeans down to his knees and lowered her onto him. She gasped lightly as she took in his substantial size. He hugged her and threw the little bottle of lubricant to Toki; what else would Skwisgaar Skwigelf keep in his dinner jacket?

Skwisgaar began to trust upward into Rose and Toki leaned back on his haunches. He slicked himself with the lube and stroked hard and fast as he watched his bandmate's bobbing length. He had seen him naked many times, he had heard him having sex right next to his head more than once, he had even walked in on him screwing on many occasions but this was different. Skwisgaar was allowing him to see his vulnerability, he had invited him to. Toki imagined himself in her position; would it really be that bad? He had almost brought himself to climax when it dawned on him what the lube was for. He released his grip and returned to his knees. He then liberally coated two fingers with the contents of the little bottle and gently probed at Rose's other entrance. She moaned nicely so he added to his own slickness and leaned over her back. Skwisgaar took the signal and dampen his trusting. Toki then gently guided himself into her heat all the way to the hilt. Skwisgaar pushed his mouth on hers and she made a few muffled, pained noises between moans as Toki began movement. She soon broke away from their kiss though and emitted only sounds of pleasure from then on. Skwisgaar resumed his trusting and the two musicians fell into a rhythm in time with their music. The lead guitarist pumped harder as one of his solos rang out from the stereo. Toki copied him and Rose fell into the blonde man's chest, screaming encouragements.

Skwisgaar looked up at Toki. His biceps were flexing, his long brown hair was sticking to his bulging shoulder muscles and a trickle of sweat ran from his perfect pects all the way down to his chiselled abdominals. He looked into those pale blue eyes.

Toki looked down at Skwisgaar. His blonde hair was fanned out around his head like a halo, his million dollar hands were wrapped in the woman's hair, his full lips parted and those dark blue eyes looked straight into his.

Their breathing was deep and their trusting hard and Skwisgaar's face began to change. This is what Toki wanted, to see him at his most vulnerable, to see a little bit into Skwisgaar's soul. This brought the brown haired man up to the edge and on a totally drunken, hormone driven impulse, he bent down over Rose, grabbed Skwisgaar's head and kissed him passionately. They groaned into each other's mouths as they climaxed hard together. The solo ended and Toki broke away panting. The rhythm guitarist rested his head on Rose's back and kissed it appreciatively as he caught his breath. Rose had her face in Skwisgaar's shoulder and gave a series of muffled, very appreciative groans with an occasional exhausted bit of laugher thrown in. Skwisgaar had his hand across his eyes to block out the light as he lay there breathing heavily.

Toki extracted himself from Rose unceremoniously and staggered his way to the shower. What the hell did he just do!? Why the hell did he just do it!? He leaned his head on his arm up against the shower wall and let the water wash over him; That whole thing about showers sobering you up was bullshit.

At that moment a very naked Skwisgaar came into the bathroom.

_"Hey, shove over."_ Skwisgaar said to Toki as he slid back the large glass door and stumbled into the shower. Toki nearly leapt out of his skin.

_"What the hell!"_ he said, startled.

_"Shove over. This thing is huge and you're hogging the whole damn thing."_ Skwisgaar clarified nonchalantly.

_"Well you have it then."_ Toki said, for once not in the mood to argue and got out of the shower. He grabbed a towel and began drying himself off.

_"Where's Rose?"_ Toki asked trying to sound casual and ignore what he did to his band mate.

_"She's in the other bathroom."_ Skwisgaar said.

_"Oh."_ Toki didn't really have anything more to say as Skwisgaar turned off the water. Toki threw him a towel then wrapped one around himself and leant over the basin. The world was spinning slightly. Skwisgaar had to steady himself against the wall as he dried off.

_"Hey, Toki, can I ask you something?" _Skwisgaar asked.

_"No." _

_"Was that your first time doubling a girl?"_

_"What? Why would you ask that."_

_"Just curious."_

_"Well, yeah, actually, it was."_ Toki wondered why the hell he didn't just leave this conversation and get dressed.

_"Huh, I didn't know you had it in you."_ The swede said as he dried his hair.

_"What do you mean?"_ Toki looked up and viewed Skwisgaar behind him in the mirror.

_"You made it a threesome."_ Skwisgaar flipped his damp hair back, _"It was hot."_

Toki's heart was gripped by hands of fire then ice then fire then ice again. He couldn't respond. He couldn't move. He just stared at the tall, naked, golden haired god of the guitar in the mirror and tried to process the approval he had just received. At that moment Rose popped in, fully dressed, with their clothes in her hands.

"Well don't you two make a fine pair?" She said as she looked them up and down. "You've spoiled me for ever more. Nothing in the future can compare to this night, I can't thank you boys enough."

"Yous welcomes Rose. I tought you would likes it." He bent down and kissed her. "We dids."

Toki was still frozen to the basin.

"You boys make love the way you play those guitars, all the girls should be so lucky."

"Ha, well they amns't. Dats was a specials show, justs for you."

Rose smiled triumphantly.

"Well, unfortunately I have to return to my husband now and make up some silly story about bumping into an old friend." Rose said.

"Yous did." Skwisgaar smiled down at her.

"Yeah, I suppose I did. An' I made a new friend too." She looked over at Toki. Toki forced himself around to look at Rose. He smiled, went over and gave her a parting kiss.

"Ja. I hads fun tonight. I only wish I's could be rubbing it in your husband's face." Toki said honestly.

"Oh, he ain't as bad as all that. He's just a self-important, stuff shirt who's so uncreative he couldn't create a mess! But I think you got under his skin tonight." She said with a conspirative smile towards Skwisgaar. "Well hopefully I'll see you both again sometime but until then take care. Bye!"

The two guitarists bade their farewells and got dressed. Skwisgaar felt around in his jeans until he found what he was looking for.

_"Hey Toki, we got to that dildo husband of hers really badly."_

_"Yeah? How do you know that?"_

_"Because he gave me his car."_ Skwisgaar held up some car keys.

_"What! Why?!"_

_"So we wouldn't fuck his wife."_

_"What! He said that?"_

_"Not exactly. He said _Dis ams a company car what I wants you to have for promotionals purpoise ands to foster a good relation between us ons de personal levels, _but I told Rose about it just before and she said that it's his personal car! What a dildo."_

_"Wowee! Ha ha ha ha, and we fucked her anyway! Hahahah, at the same time! Hahahaha, and she fucking loved it!" _Toki was sadistically happy about this little turn of irony and had to steady himself against the wall as he laughed intensely.

_"So…. Wanna go for a ride?"_

_"Fuck yes!"_ Toki exclaimed and grabbed the bottle of champagne off the table on the way out.

They took the elevator all the way to the basement level and found the car. It was some serious Midnight Club shit, Toki even found a hand gun in the glove box.

_"Now that's what I'm talking about! I fucking love America!"_ He said as he loaded the clip.

_"This is great! The last time I drove was back in Sweden."_ Skwisgaar said and swigged directly from the champagne bottle. He handed it to Toki and reved the engine. _"See? I'm way more fun than that douchebag clown."_

_"Not usually but tonight you've been a real pal."_ Toki took a swig from the bottle, _"You fucking dying or something?"_

_"Fuck you."_

_"Maybe next time."_ Toki said and the blonde threw him an incredulous glance. Toki gave him the perfect 'Yeah, that's right' look straight back. Skwisgaar made up his own connotation for it and they sped off into the city.


	16. 5-0 Silent Killer

Chapter 5.0 Silent Killer

Nathan and Skwisgaar took in the vision of the man before them; His eyes were wild, his veins were popping and his teeth were bared. Neither of them dared to restrain him, this was beyond a beating, this was raw, unbridled brutality and it was coming from Toki. He was screaming down at the straight edge as he gutter stomped his face into the concert hall floor. Murderface stormed up to them pissed off and looking to Toki for answers.

"Whats de fuck do you wants, motherfucker!" Toki screamed over his shoulder at the interrupting bassist. Toki's chest heaved with his shallow, rasping breath as he stood over his victim.

"What'sch up bro? What'sch happenin'? Ehg." Murderface back peddled as he tried to back away

Murderface looked around and began to take in the pandemonium that ensued all around them. He looked up at the stage.

"Oh shit! Picklesch!" Murderface pointed to the drummer who was administering his own arse beating on Rikki Kixx. Nathan looked up towards the stage then back at Toki then back to pickles.

"FUCK! OK, Murderface, go grab Pickles we need to get the fuck out of this place!" Nathan said to the bassist.

"Fuck that! I'm getting out of here!" Murderface said and ran out of the concert hall.

"You ASSHOLE! Fuck!" Nathan called after him. He looked up at the stage then back to Toki who had not moved. "Fuck. Ok, Skwisgaar, go get Pickles. Now!"

Skwisgaar did as he was told and raced towards the stage. He called out to Pickles and the drummer eventually stopped punching the sober douchebag below him. Pickles looked around him and saw what had happened to Snakes'N'Barrels and the rest of the crowd. He caught the blonde man beckoning him from the guard rail and decided that getting the fuck out of here was a great idea so he slipped down off the edge of the stage and followed the lead guitarist.

Toki still hadn't moved. Nathan didn't dare try to talk to him or touch him, he just stood guard over him in a sense. The bloodied guy on the floor wasn't moving either and if he wasn't dead he would be soon. Chaos whirled all around them as the blue light jumped from person to person and they began finding anything and everything they could get high.

"Oh thank fuck for that." Nathan expressed as Pickles and Skwisgaar ran up to him.

"Dood! We got to get out of here!" Pickles said and looked in the same direction as the other two. "Toki! Come on we gotta…" He stopped mid-sentence when he saw the bloody mass of straight edge on the floor and equally bloody clenched fists of the rhythm guitarist. He went to move forward but Nathan held out a hand to stop him. The front man then walked widely and cautiously around Toki until he was standing just over arm's length in front of him.

"Toki?" Nathan said experimentally but Toki didn't look up at him. "Toki, we've gotta.." Nathan was cut off by the nasal scream he hated so much coming from the stage.

"… AND I **DO** COCAIN!" The freshly drugged up clown screamed over the crowd then ran off.

The familiar voice seemed to snap Toki back to reality and he looked up at Nathan then off to each side re-establishing where he was.

"Toki?" Nathan tried again a bit more desperately. "We need to leave right now and you need to come with us." Toki relaxed his shoulders a bit and nodded once in recognition.

When Toki turned around Pickles could see what the others had been scared off. Toki's face was covered in blood and when he wiped it away with his splattered hands it just made it worse. The drummer glanced at his own hands which had some of Rikki Kixx blood on them and empathised as they left the concert hall, even if he felt rather outdone.

The Dethbus was waiting just up the road for them and Nathan entered first as he wanted to give the bass player a piece of his mind.

"You fucking asshole! You just bailed on us!" Nathan screamed at Murderface who was in the main room.

"That shit in there wasch crazy! Every man for himself!" Murderface retorted. Toki entered the bus and Murderface stiffened at the sight him. "Arrh, hey there, Toki." Murderface tried but Toki didn't say anything in reply.

Skwisgaar thought this wasn't a time for words so he stepped in front of Toki and put a wary but friendly hand on his shoulder. Toki immediately slapped it off him and Skwisgaar jumped back in shock. Everyone went on edge at this but Toki just walked, very slowly and very calmly, out of the room towards the sleeping chambers at the back of the bus.

They all stood there motionless, staring in the Norwegian's wake. Skwisgaar stood there holding his hand like he was nursing a broken bone; blood had transferred over to it.

"Scho is anybody going to explain that to me?" Murderface asked as he pointed to where Toki had been.

"What, you think we fucking know?" Nathan said in retaliation. "He just went completely nuts on some guy. Probably fucking killed him too." Nathan sat down and rested his head against his clasped hands.

"Yeah, well I know 'ow he feels." Pickles said as he flexed his swollen knuckles, "I stated ta get carried away myself on that sober douche." He sat down with a beer next to Nathan.

"Yeah but dude, he wasn't, like, normal." Nathan explained poorly.

"That was a lot of blood." Murderface observed unhelpfully.

"Yeah, well shit happens." Pickles said testily and swigged his drink.

Skwisgaar grabbed a guitar off the rack in the corner and sat down silently. He began to play but his left hand fumbled on the fret when he noticed the blood mark it. He hadn't made a mistake in years and so watched his hands with morbid fascination as they twitched uncontrollably. He put the guitar down and held his head in both trembling hands.

"Hey, you ok, Skwisgaar?" Nathan asked when he looked over at the Swede.

"Ja." Skwisgaar replied flatly, his shoulders now shaking slightly too.

"Ok then." Nathan said deciding not to push the issue but after a few minutes of silent contemplation, Skwisgaar spoke up.

"Dis night ams fucked. I goes to bed." He announced then got up and went to his cabin.

"Well that was weird. What's up with blondie?" Pickles asked Nathan.

"Not sure. Guess he's just messed up from watching Toki go insane. It was one of the most brutal things I've ever seen. Kid is fucked in the head!" Nathan responded.

"Well we should fucking medicate him or something." Pickles suggested, still with little sympathy for anyone or anything at that moment.

"That'sch not a bad idea actually." Murderface agreed.

"Well maybe we can just talk to him once he's calmed down." Nathan hoped but then thought more rationally "But yeah, we'll probably have to medicate him."

The bus ride back to Moudhaus was uneventful and Toki stayed in his cabin the entire way. When they arrived home he emerged clean and with new clothes but still did not talk to anyone. He went straight up to his room without a word which worried Skwisgaar, though he tried not to show it.

Toki had been messed up for a long time but had seemed a lot better once they had all returned from Norway. Skwisgaar couldn't empathise with him over the death of his father having never had his own but would have expected him to behave differently, especially after the way his father had died. Nathan had had to physically lift Toki up off the ice before he froze his hands solid and Skwisgaar had refused to eavesdrop for the others when Toki had to explain to his mother what had happened. The brunette hadn't said a word after that until they touched down back in America at which point he became happy and playful as if the whole affair had never happened. The others had just run with it.

Skwisgaar decided later that night to go and check on the man.

_"Toki?"_ He knocked. _"Toki, I'm coming in."_ He opened the door to a pitch dark room and the figure of the rhythm guitarist sitting on the bed with his knees up to his chest and a bottle of vodka. Skwisgaar thought about turning the light on but something told him not to disturb the dark atmosphere. He went over and sat on the edge of the bed but Toki did not acknowledge his presence. _"Toki…. What…. are you ok?"_ He asked lamely. Toki took a swig from the bottle; there was only about half of it left.

The blonde man revisited the younger man's little accident last year; Skwisgaar couldn't go through that a second time and quickly scanned all the shadows and shapes on his bed side table. He was at a loss.

_"Toki, seriously. What's going on?"_ Skwisgaar was getting desperate but there was still no response from the Norwegian.

He reached out an experimental hand and placed it on Toki's knee. Toki didn't slap it away but instead extended his leg out. Skwisgaar looked at his emotionless expression in the half light of the room and swelled with panic at the completely unfamiliar situation.

_"Just tell me what to do for you and I'll do it."_ He told him desperately. There was still no response from the rhythm guitarist who brought the bottle upward again. The blonde stopped it half way and Toki finally looked at him.

Skwisgaar was out of options and did the only thing he could think of. He twisted around and positioned himself on top of the other man then leant in and kissed Toki lightly on the lips. He broke away quickly from his miracle cure-all and looked into Toki's expressionless eyes for confirmation.

_"Get the fuck out." _Toki ordered him.

It took Skwisgaar a moment to recognise his epic failure before he backed away and slinked off the bed. He looked down at Toki who still had that expressionless face but now his eyes followed Skwisgaar. The swede saw no point in arguing with the Norwegian and so left him to his darkness without another word.

He found Nathan down stairs and reluctantly told him that Toki should be checked on regularly. Nathan was a little surprised by the blonde's inclusion of him and so immediately became very concerned for the Norwegian. The swede took the late shift and so in the small hours of the morning, Skwisgaar repeatedly climbed over his women to check on the rhythm guitarist. The dawn light filled Mordhaus and Skwisgaar's alarm went off again. He entered Toki's room and realised there had been glass all over the floor that he hadn't seen. One of the pictures of Toki's parents lay broken on the ground with little drops of blood all around it.


	17. 5-1 Father Freakout

Chapter 5.1 Father freak-out

That afternoon Skwisgaar woke unrefreshed and slowly made his way down to the kitchen for breakfast (any meal can be breakfast so long as it is consumed within three hours of you waking up). He was coming down the stairs when he noticed the idiotic noises coming from the lounge room. Toki was laying sideways on the couch watching cartoons and Skwisgaar approached him cautiously.

_"Hey."_ the blonde said warily.

_"Hey."_ Toki replied faintly without looking up.

_"So where is everyone?"_ He asked trying to ignore the elephant in the room.

_"Kitchen."_

_"Oh."_ Skwisgaar ended weakly. He decided he needed some details from Nathan so headed for the kitchen.

Nathan and Murderface sat at the kitchen table with burritos and greeted him when he came in.

"So Toki ams better today den?" He asked the Front man.

"Kind of. He's still not talking to anyone." Nathan responded.

"Huh? He talks to me just den?"

"Really? Well he hasn't said anything to us all day. Maybe he's got a thing against English at the moment."

"Ja, maybes."

"Well if he's only talking to you, then you should talk to him." Nathan said sensibly.

"It'sch only logical." Murderface added through a mouthful of refried beans.

"Yeah. Maybe you can find out what the hell is going on. Pickles and me think he should be on fucking antipsychotics or something. I mean, you were there, you saw that shit and now he's all… I just can't stand seeing him like this, you know?"

Skwisgaar felt a pang of empathy with Nathan and realised that they really should be working together on this.

"Fines. I tries to talk to him." He agreed and made two cups of coffee. He took them both out to the lounge and sat on the couch next to Toki's head.

_"Here, I made coffee."_ He said and placed Toki's mug on the coffee table.

"Takk." Toki said but didn't move. Skwisgaar sat there for a few minutes drinking his coffee and watching the cartoon with him.

_"What the hell show is this?"_ He asked conversationally.

_"Yu-gi-oh."_

_"What, some Japanese thing?"_

_"Ja."_

_"Huh. Why can't he just have the dragon kill them?"_

_"Can't"_

_"Why not?_

_"Cards." _

_"So they're not even real monsters?"_

_"No."_

_"Huh. Well that's lame."_ Skwisgaar sipped at his coffee. _"Have you eaten anything today?"_

_"No."_

_"You should probably do that or your blood sugar will get all screwy. I don't want to have to shove honey down your throat like last time."_ At that point Pickles entered the room cheerfully.

"Hey you two! What cha doin'? Oh, I like this show, the fuckin' cards come to life or some shit." Pickles looked down at Toki, "You feelin' better today, champ?"

_"Ja."_ Toki replied.

"Well that's good to hear. I gotta talk ta Nathan about somethin' you seen him?"

_"Ja"_

"Where?"

_"Kitchen."_ He said in Norwegian.

"Huh?"

"In de Kitchens." Skwisgaar translated accommodatingly.

"Cool, thanks." And pickles went off to find Nathan. In the silence proceeding, Skwisgaar decided just to attack the issue head on.

_"Toki. Tell me what's going on with you."_

Toki sat up and collected his mug of luke warm coffee off the table. Skwisgaar recalled the horrific scene from two nights ago when he noticed the cuts and bruises on Toki's hands.

_"You beat a guy to within an inch of his life and now you're all, well, weird."_ He continued clumsily. Silence came from the other man. _"You were fine only last week. So, like, what changed?"_

_"Nothing."_

Skwisgaar was getting nowhere fast so he decided to just throw stuff out there until he could isolate the issue. He remembered the picture and started with the most obvious.

_"Has this got to do with your father? Look, I'm sorry about your farther dying…"_

_"I'm not."_ Toki cut him off.

_"H-Huh?"_ Skwisgaar stuttered.

_"I don't think I am, anyway."_

_"Um, ok. So, you didn't like your father?_"

_"I don't know."_

_"I feel that's something you should know, Toki."_ Skwisgaar said a little nettlesome and put his empty coffee cup down.

_"Well I don't."_

_"Yeah, well lucky you, at least you had a father to hate." _He said in an abrupt bout of moodiness and took out his cigarettes.

He was just about to light one when Toki suddenly stood up and hurled the coffee mug at the wall. It shattered into a million pieces and the sound brought the other three out of the kitchen and into the lounge. Skwisgaar stopped and stared at Toki in shock.

_"Lucky! Fucking LUCKY!"_ Toki screamed down at the swede. The other three were now nervously watching the scene, still unsure of what they were witnessing.

_"You want to know what it's like to have a father!"_ Toki yelled. He then immediately punched Skwisgaar right on the cheek bone and the swede fell sideways onto the couch. Toki climbed on top of him, lifted him up by the shirt and shook him violently. _"It's like that! It's like that every fucking day! That's what I got EVERY FUCKING DAY!"_

The other three had assumed Skwisgaar to be Toki's next victim and so raced over to pull him off. Nathan grabbed him from behind and tried to restrain him. He trashed violently and with strength that even the front man was challenged to contain. Skwisgaar sat up holding his face and gaping wide eyed at the raging Toki.

_"And I fucking forgave him! Right before the fucker died, I fucking forgave him!"_ Toki stopped thrashing in earnest and hot tears began rolling down his cheeks. "FUUUUUUUUUCK!" he screamed in English with his last bit of energy then went completely limp in Nathan's arms. This is when Toki broke down entirely. He didn't give a fuck anymore what his band mates thought of him, if he kept this in for another millisecond he was going to burst. He let out a loud and distressed wail then began sobbing hysterically.

Nathan was completely stunned and unsure of the proper etiquette here as Pickles and Murderface looked on in baffled discomfort. Nathan assumed Toki was not, in fact, going to kill Skwisgaar at this exact moment and so released the limp, bawling guitarist. The Norwegian fell to his knees then crumpled up on the floor with his face down and continued to have hysterics, howling pitifully into the floor. Everyone just stared at him then looked to Skwisgaar for an explanation.

Skwisgaar no longer gave a damn what was metal and what was not. The swede unfroze himself from the couch and wordlessly knelt down in front of the brunette puddle on the ground. He lifted Toki's shoulders up and the Norwegian lurched forward and latched on around his middle. He buried his head into his shoulder and convulsively wept; the flood gates were open now and he couldn't hold his emotions back anymore. Skwisgaar held him in a tight embrace and allowed him to cry. He stroked his hair and rubbed his back as his band mate's soul seeped into his shirt fibers.

The other three were now completely confused. Murderface couldn't be in the room anymore and so silently slinked off, Pickles was holding a hand to his mouth and Nathan stood there silently with his head down and fists lightly clenched at his sides. The front man didn't know what to do, he felt he should but he didn't. Toki was beyond upset; this was almost like him going feral again. It was brutal.

After several minutes, Toki's sobbing finally looked like it was trailing off. Even though his breathing was still short and sharp he seemed to have run out of tears for the most part. Skwisgaar looked up at Nathan and Pickles with damp eyes and a rapidly swelling face and their expressions were fathomless as they looked back down at the two Scandinavians. Pickles knelt down next to Toki as well and put a hand on his back. Toki didn't look up. Pickles and Skwisgaar exchanged a look that substituted for an entire conversation and Pickles stood back up.

"I'm goin' ta see if there's somethin' I got that can help calm 'im down. You should take him upstairs." Pickles said to Nathan. Skwisgaar looked up at Pickles with another meaningful expression. "Yeah, put him in Skwisgaar's room. He's gunna have ta look after him for a while." Pickles took one last look at the rhythm guitarist and went off to his medicine cabinet.

Nathan looked at Skwisgaar for a cue to act so the blonde man broke away from the brunette and held him up by his shoulders. He was still limp so Nathan bent down and lifted Toki up bridal style. Toki clung to the Front man's shirt and buried his face in his neck as he carried the rasping little Norwegian up to Skwisgaar's room; He didn't care about rivalry anymore, he couldn't bare to see Toki like this so if the swede could help him, then so be it. Pickles walked in and put two tablets on the dresser as Nathan began tucking Toki into Skwisgaar's bed. He also detested the sex smell in this room and especially from the white fur blanket he was throwing over the man.

Toki lay there dry sobbing into the pillow and the other two glanced over to Skwisgaar. The blonde man leaned in the doorway with a cigarette in his hand; He had needed a few moments alone to recompose himself down stairs. Skwisgaar rolled out of the room and they followed him.

"So what just happened?" Pickles asked the lead guitarist once in the hallway. Skwisgaar Took a long draw of his cigarette and ran his hand through his hair as he paced.

"I don'ts really knows." Skwisgaar replied honestly.

"Well he was screaming in Snow Speak, so we have no clue at all." Nathan pointed out irritably.

"Ja, well he ams, ahhh, upsets about hims father, I guess." Skwisgaar said still trying to process this information himself.

"Yeah, I thought that might be it." Nathan said, "His father dying is pretty messed up. I don't know what I'd be like if my dad died. Poor kid." Skwisgaar took another draw of his cigarette, unable to relate.

"Well I've put two Valium on tha dresser. Just give 'im one ta start with but if he doesn't calm down in the next hour or so give him tha other." Pickles said and he looked at Skwisgaar's punch mark. "Are you gunna be alright alone with him? If he ends up murderin' you that could be troublesome fer tha band, ya know?" Pickle's added.

"Ja, I wills be fines. Dis ams notings."

The other two both raised an eyebrow at this statement.

"Ok, well, um, call us if you need anything, or something." Nathan added awkwardly.

"Ja." Skwisgaar said simply and decided to break the conversation there by going into his room.

Skwisgaar put out his cigarette and walked over to the bed. He sat on it and put a hand on Toki's shoulder but Toki didn't respond. Skwisgaar sighed and went to get up but then Toki's hand came up and replaced Skwisgaar's where it had been. Skwisgaar held it there firmly and rubbed Toki's back with his other hand. Toki's breathing was still sharp and shallow as he rolled over and looked up at the swede with puffy red eyes. Skwisgaar bent over to give him his customary peck on the forehead but the rhythm guitarist's hand came up again and held the blonde man's head lightly. The older man looked down at him in anticipation as Toki pulled the Swede down and kissed him gently but fully on the mouth. Skwisgaar could taste the salt from his tears around the corners of his lips as he lightly pressed into the oral caress.

They broke away and Toki looked up at him vacantly before he released him and rolled back over sinking his face into the pillow. Skwisgaar sat there blankly staring down at the Norwegian for a moment then noticed his cheek was hot and throbbing. He got up to dress his wound and gazed sympathetically at his reflection in the bathroom mirror (why the face, why always in the face?). He tried to process everything that had happened but all he could see was a mixture of images of Toki raging and covered in blood then hanging loose and pathetic in Nathans arms. He shook his head in an attempt to physically dislodge these images from his consciousness.

He came back out and the Norwegian hadn't moved so Skwisgaar decided he needed the Valium more than Toki. He swallowed one of the pills on the dresser then lay down on the bed, boots and all, and nestled the brunette into his shoulder. Toki reached his arm across the swede's chest and held him tightly listening to his heartbeat. His breathing regulated as the Swede stoked his hair lightly and between the drugs and exhaustion, it wasn't long before they had both fallen asleep.


	18. 5-2 Candid Camera Phone

Chapter 5.2 Candid camera phone

Nathan and Pickle's entered Skwisgaar's bedroom without knocking. Nathan had brought Toki's glucose tablets, insulin, and other diabetes stuff as he didn't know which he might need. He silently looked over at the two Scandinavians cuddled together asleep and thought they looked so innocent, so quiet and peaceful. They looked like the sort of couple that wouldn't even raise their voices to each other, never mind beat each other up on a fairly regular basis.

Nathan stood in the doorway motionless for a few moments and considered the scene. On the very rare occasions where he and Skwisgaar had fought, Skwisgaar would be testy to him for weeks afterwards, however, Toki had attacked him not forty minutes ago and there they lay, closer than ever. These two really did have some weird, unique, co-dependent, functionally dysfunctional, snow-capped relationship that only the two of them could live in. He had a very different feeling towards Toki, a protective feeling but not a special connection like Skwisgaar had. He looked at Toki clinging to the blonde man like a baby chimp and decided to give whatever this was, his blessing. He went over and silently placed the medical parcel on the dresser when He heard the click of Pickle's camera phone behind him and turned to see the red head taking photos of the two sleeping guitarists.

"What?" He said defensively when Nathan gave him a questioning look. Nathan just shrugged, took out his own Dethphone and snapped a few as well. You never knew when these things would come in handy, pickles was saving the mattress fort video for one of their birthdays.

"Have you noticed those two have recently been a bit, well, I don't know how to put it." Nathan said to Pickles as they walked down the stairs.

"Touchy." Pickles said quickly.

"Yeah, but like…"

"Physically. Yeah, we've all noticed it. I recon it started last year after Toki, ahh, had his little pill accident."

"Do you recon Skwisgaar, like, cares about him, or something. I mean, we don't have to get into it but, like, we sort of decided not to do that pretty early on."

"Dood, you were there! No one should have to deal with that shit, and if blondie can stop that shit then, shit, leave it be." Pickles lit two cigarettes and passed one to Nathan. The front man grabbed a bottle of bourbon from the liquor cabinet and they drank together in the lounge.

"Should we really rely that much on Skwisgaar, though? He's a selfish prick most of the time." Nathan bounced off Pickles after a few drinks.

"Look Nathan, I know where you're comin' from. I don't like seein' Toki like this either but I ain't sure there's much we can do. Think about it…" Pickles leant forward in his chair. "Whenever the little guy has one of his, things, what does he do?"

"He usually flips out or starts crying, or both."

"Yeah but while he's doin' that stuff?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, do we ever know why he's freaking out?"

"Well, no, he's usually screaming in …" Nathan stopped for a moment and the light bulb clicked on, "… in Snow Speak."

"Exactly! He always ends up makin' us have ta get Skwisgaar. I don't know if it's deliberate or subconscious but that's what always ends up happening."

"I hate to admit it but he's the only one that seems to be able to calm him down." Nathan brought his glass to his mouth "But he starts most of it too!"

"I recon Toki must really… look up ta him." Pickles changed his sentence mid-way.

"But they fight all the time and Skwisgaar is a total prick to him almost constantly!"

"And I'm not sayin' he's not but I think that's like, a part of it."

"A part of why he looks up to him?"

"Yeah, in a way."

"Huh, maybe it's like a big brother, little brother thing?"

"No fuckin' way, dood! My older brother was a fuckin' dick ta me an' I fuckin' hate him for it, like a normal person." Pickles took a large gulp of bourbon and poured out another. "No, they got sometin' different goin' on." He pulled out his phone and flicked through the photo's he'd just taken.

At that point Murderface shuffled into the lounge with his hands in his pockets.

"Hey." Murderface said meekly. The other two greeted him and he sat down. "Scho…." He began not really wanting to have to ask.

"He's fine. Well not fine, but he's with Skwisgaar at the moment." Nathan explained.

"Scho, what did he do to him this time? That asschole has a real mouth on him, you know." Murderface said. The other two realised that they didn't have an answer to that question.

"Errh, I dunno. They were on the couch just like normal, well not quite normal," Pickles began to explain.

"What? Being all gay again?" Murderface interrupted.

"Arrg. Anyway," Pickles continued, "They seemed fine when I spoke to 'em. Hell! Toki was even talkin' ta me a bit, even though it was in Snow Speak." Nathan made a knowledgeable grunt at this statement. "I go away an' then, well, you were there."

"Scho it was hisch fault, then? Why elsche would Toki try to beat the fuck out of him…. again."

"Apparently it had somethin' to do with his father, that's why he flipped out."

"Did we schend fucking Skwisgaar to talk to Toki about father stuff?" Murderface asked earnestly. Nathan looked down sheepishly.

"Fuck. We did, didn't we? That was pretty fucking stupid." Nathan agreed grudgingly, "But he wouldn't talk to anyone else."

"That'sch true."

"And we didn't know that was the problem then."

"Well, yeah, that'sch true too."

Pickles flicked through the photos again. "Nah, I don't think he did it this time. Or at least, he didn't mean to." Pickles said distractedly.

"Why do you schay that?"

"Just 'cause, well, look at this." Pickles held up his phone for Murderface to see one of his pictures. Murderface looked repulsed.

"Why are you schowing me thisch?" He asked, disgusted.

"I couldn't help it, I just had to take a photo. It's from about twenty minutes ago." Pickles smiled that crooked smile of his.

"Again, why am I looking at thisch gay schit?"

"Dood, think about it. If you fuckin' hit me I wouldn't be doin' **that** with you half an hour later!"

"I schould fucking hope not!" Murderface took one last glance at the phone then turned away. "Ok, guysch, scherious queschion. Are thosche two fucking?" Murderface asked genuinely.

"Ahhhhhhh, No." Nathan said incredulously.

"Are you schure? I mean, Toki isch fucking **obsessched** with him and Skwischgaar would fuck a tyre Schwing!"

"Dude! Seriously, I don't want to think about that. Yuck." Nathan expressed and found solace in his bourbon.

"Come on, Nathan! Juscht look at how they've been acting reschently All the schignsch are there, they're fucking gay!"

"Yeah, Murderface, except for the fact they both fuck chicks!" Nathan reminded the bassist.

"Dood, you can do both, you know." Pickles interjected. Nathan turned and looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Errhh, I lived in L.A.? Lots o' guys doin' lots o' drugs? Glam Rock? I've met lots of guys who'll do, you know, who ever." Pickles responded shamelessly.

"Well they are European after all." Nathan said, refusing to admit that Pickles could have a point. "They're, arrh, more, well, they've got fewer hang ups about touching, and stuff." He tried to argue.

"Yeh, I suppose so." Pickles said so as not to argue with his friend. He continued to flick through the photos as he thought.

"Yeah. That's all it is." Nathan tried to convince himself. "We'll talk to Charles soon and have Toki put on some serious medication, or something." This closed the conversation on their band mate's possibly straying sexuality.

"Yeah, He'sch fucked in the head. He needsch pillsch the schize of bath plugsch!" Murderface concurred, also thankful for the shift of subject.

Pickles flicked through the photos one more time. Murderface was right, he thought. All the signs were there.


	19. 5-3 Rømmegrøt

Chapter 5.3 Rømmegrøt

Skwisgaar awoke with the disorientation one gets from falling asleep in the light and waking up in the dark. He only realised how incredibly uncomfortable he was when he tried to move and found almost everything was numb. One of his sore points was coming from his shoulder where the brunette still lay nestled in his side. His limbs were still heavy from the Valium and he almost decided not to bother getting up until his bladder decided that for him. He returned and checked his Dethphone on the dresser for the time, it was 10:37pm, he and Toki had slept for almost a solid eight hours in that position, no wonder he was numb.

Toki had rolled over onto his other side and the glassy glint of his eyes was visible in the light from the bathroom.

"_Good Morning, well, evening."_ Skwisgaar said as he sat on the edge of the bed and pushed an errant strand of hair out of Toki's face. _"You feeling any better?"_.

Toki nodded his head slightly and hummed a sound of affirmation.

_"You haven't eaten anything in a really long time. Your blood must be completely fucked by now."_ He stood up and got a can of cola from his mini fridge. _"Here drink this."_ He said opening the can and waving it in Toki's face. The Norwegian carefully sat up right and took the drink, looking increasingly better with each sip. Skwisgaar sat down on the edge of the bed again and lit a crumpled cigarette from the small squashed packet in his pocket.

After about three quarters of the can was gone Toki finally found a weak form of speech.

_"Thanks, Skwisgaar."_ He croaked.

_"That's ok, but we should really find you some real food. I'll get Jean Pier to make you whatever you want."_

_"I'm not hungry."_ He said half-heartedly and finished the last of his cola.

_"Well too bad. I'm looking after you now and I say you need to eat something._"

Toki leant forward and rested his forehead on Skwisgaar's upper arm as he exhaled loudly.

_"Rømmegrøt."_ Toki requested.

_"Seriously? You want rømmegrøt?"_

_"Yep."_ Toki rolled his head gently from side to side. _"I used to have it all the time when I was younger."_

_"Yeah, me too."_ The blonde smiled in reminiscence. _"Well, come on then!_" Skwisgaar had to disturb Toki to put out his cigarette and noticed the reluctance on the Norwegian's face. _"We'll eat in the dining room, not the kitchen, ok?"_ he said trying to alleviate the man's fears of seeing the other band members tonight. Toki nodded and peeled himself out of the bed.

Jean Pier made an excellent rømmegrøt and a large pot of the sour cream porridge was placed on the dinner table with lashings of butter, sugar, cinnamon, honey and dried fruits on the side. The moment the first spoonful entered Skwisgaar's mouth he was transported back to Sweden.

_"I forgot how much I love this stuff!"_ He expressed as he stirred through another knob of butter. _"Why didn't we have this the whole time we were in Norway?"_ He said without thinking.

Toki played with the warm slop with his spoon. _"I suppose we weren't there very long, were we?"_ he said and forced himself to eat half a spoonful.

_"No. No, I suppose not."_ Skwisgaar said embarrassed at his previous remark. There was no way he was going to bring up Toki's father right now and so shifted the conversation to something else.

_"I found some interesting stuff in that record shop, though. Found an old album I played on."_

_"Oh yeah, Ruphus knows your old band mate, Pelle."_ Toki recalled.

Skwisgaar stopped with the spoon half way to his face. The sweet and sour porridge dripped dramatically back into the bowl.

_"How the fuck do you know about him?"_ The blonde man shot at the rhythm guitarist.

_"You told me about him. He was from, ahh, Dark Star was it? Your first ever band?"_

_"I wouldn't talk about him. Where did you get this from?"_ The lead guitarist was getting accusative.

_"From you."_ He insisted, _"You were really drunk though. You spent about an hour laying on the stairs talking shit. I had to carry your drunken arse to bed."_ Toki explained conversationally and ate another half a spoonful; he was actually enjoying the little bit of food he could consume.

Skwisgaar put his spoon down back into his bowl and stared at Toki with restrained panic in his eyes.

_"And I was talking about Pelle?"_ He asked in a level tone.

_"Yeah, a bit."_

_"What… err…."_ Skwisgaar began trying to be casual and vague by stirring his porridge, _"What… what kind of things… did I say…. about…,ahhh,….him."_ He asked tentatively.

_"I can't really remember. Just that you used to live with him when you were a teenager but he pissed off to Oslo for music school, or something."_ Toki responded and tried for a full spoonful this time.

_"Oh. So, was that all?" _Skwisgaar inquired, containing his hopefulness.

_"I think so. This was ages ago. Why?"_

_"No reason. No reason. Just…. Wow, I didn't think that guy would know him, you know? Huh, small world."_ He said throwing off any further questions on the subject.

They sat there silently for a few moments until Skwisgaar's phone bleeped a text from Pickles.

[yu awakke? hows th littlllllle guiy?] it read. He must be hammered again.

[ja. He am better. Eating dinner meel now.] Skwisgaar texted back to reassure him.

Toki managed to get through about a quarter of a bowl but looked like he might stop. Skwisgaar looked over at him. _"You have to eat the whole thing. This is the best rømmegrøt I think I've ever had, so eat up!_" Skwisgaar said in a strangely parental tone.

_"Ja, it's good. Way better than the packet stuff that Ruphus and I would have for lunch. I used to help him out at the shop on weekends, that's how I got the money together to come to America."_

_"Really?"_

_"Yeah. I didn't want to stay in Norway after, well, I just didn't, so the other two big places for metal were Germany and the USA and be fucked if I'm living in Germany, so I ended up in Seattle. That's when you guys found me."_ Toki said and forced down another delicious spoonful.

Skwisgaar was about to ask Toki about his past but at that moment a very messy Pickles staggered into the room.

"There ya fuckin's are!" he said and bumped into a few chairs as he staggered into the room. Toki froze at the sound of his band mate's arrival and Skwisgaar was severely unimpressed by the interruption and regretted his earlier text message.

"We jus', I jus, sorry, I bin drinkin' wit Nathan since, well whenever, but he's feckin' passed out now." Pickles pointed unsteadily in the general direction of the lounge room. "So I jus' thought I'd come 'n' see what you guys were up ta." He stumbled along the table then noisily pulled out the chair next to Toki and fell into it. He looked over at the contents of the Norwegian's bowl.

"What tha hell are you guys eatin'?" He slurred in curiosity.

_"Rømmegrøt" _Toki answered.

"Bless you." Pickles responded with quickly.

"It ams a traditionals Norwegian food, but we has it in Sweden toos." Skwisgaar clarified.

"Well it kinda looks like oat meal."

"Ja, it kind of ams."

"Well fuck yeah! Lem-me-ad-it." Pickles expressed enthusiastically as he ladled out a bowl for himself while getting more on the table than in the dish.

Both Scandinavians predicted what would happen next as they knew the sour cream porridge was an acquired taste. Skwisgaar observed the American drummer in anticipation of his reaction while Toki watched curiously in his peripheral vision.

Pickles eventually found his mouth and loaded a spoonful into his face, chewed once and then daintily returned the contents of his mouth back to the bowl. "Dood, that is tha most disgustin' thing I've ever tasted." His face looked exactly like all of those who had come before him.

Skwisgaar chuckled softly and Toki was still staring down at his bowl when he began to giggle. The sound of Toki's laughter filled the lead guitarist with delight and he began to chuckle louder and louder. This in turn caused Toki to laugh louder and louder and soon the two guitarists were in full belly laughs at their private joke about the drummer's first rømmegrøt experience. Pickles couldn't help but laugh too, even though he didn't get it.

Toki was still smiling and laughing slightly as he began adding butter to the red head's bowl. "Heres." He began, "You gots to have it wit de butter and sugars."

"Ja, ands de cinnamon." Skwisgaar added.

"Oh, I like cinnamon buns! Gimme dat." Pickles said and liberally sprinkled the spice all over his bowl. They all sat there and ate the rest of their food with Skwisgaar and Toki throwing occasional small smiles at each other each time Pickles would add something more to his porridge.

"Well that was feckin' weird. Not bad after ya put all tha other shit in it but still feckin' weird." Pickles commented about his meal. "Well, I need some-more bourbon ta wash that down. Come join me?" He looked blurredly at Skwisgaar and then to Toki. "That show with tha feckin' space zombies might be on?" he said to Toki trying to coax him.

"Oh, ja! I miss when it ams on last week. What happens?" Toki said having regained his English.

"Dunno, but ya can figure it out." Pickles said as he stood up. He wrapped a friendly arm around Toki's shoulders and gave him a quick sideways hug. Toki smiled at the drummer's drunken affectionate behaviour.

"What's crappy show ams dis?" Skwisgaar said with only mild interest.

"Some anime about feckin' space Vikings havin' ta kill off these zombie friggin' tentacle monsters on all these different planets. It's actually pretty cool." Pickles explained to Skwisgaar who still looked unconvinced. "There're these two really hot chicks who get their tits out all tha time, too." He added to coax the lead guitarist. The swede was intrigued as he didn't know cartoons could have tits in them; Skwisgaar was one of those people who thought pretty much all animated shows were for people under ten years old. Pickles saw the raised blonde eyebrow and knew he had won.

All three went out to the lounge where they found Nathan sprawled on a chair completely passed out and snoring from his throat like a grizzly bear. Pickles sat at one end of the couch and poured himself half a glass of straight bourbon in the light of the television while he flicked through the channels with the foot pedals. Toki sat in the middle and Skwisgaar mixed them a drink each before he passed one to Toki and took his place on the other end of the couch.

"Dis ams it!" Toki said excitedly as he caught the opening credits. All three sat on the couch watching the show, drinking bourbon and cola. Skwisgaar agreed that the two female characters were pretty damn hot and even if they weren't real, they still had really nice tits. He found himself getting turned on by the show and ended up jacking off in the bathroom a few minutes later. He came back out feeling better and resumed his place on the couch. Toki took a long sip of his drink then leaned into Skwisgaar's side and the swede responded by putting his arm around the Norwegian. Pickles was on the verge of passing out himself when he looked over at the duo.

"Ha ha ha ha, I knew it." He slurred almost incomprehensibly. "I feckin' knew it! But its okaaay 'cause I'm nawt gunna tell on ya." Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow at the drummer.

"Sos what? I bets you jacks off to dem cartoon tits too! Hows you know I just does dat?" Skwisgaar asked guiltily.

"Huh? Wha? I din't, ba yeah, I done tha' heaps o' times. Tha' green haired chick is fuckin' hot." Pickles responded.

"Nah, nah, I meant you two" he continued and alternated a pointed finger at each of them. "Ba you know, It's okkaaay 'casue I known heaps o' guys tha' do it. Shit man when I was fuckin' younger…" He stopped himself with a chuckle and a reflective smile. "Fuckin' whadeva. Jus' you know, if it makes ya happy." He finished his drink and stood up on wobbly legs. "I'm gunna go lay down now." He announced then took a few shoddy steps over to the other couch and crashed face first down across the whole thing. He was passed out before he even hit the cushion.

"_That was weird?_" Toki commented. Skwisgaar's was suspicious of the red head's comments so deflected Toki's attention away from the meat of them.

"_He's right though, that green haired chick is hot, I couldn't help myself. It's a bit weird to get turned on by a cartoon, I know._" Skwisgaar deflected the conversation.

"_Nah, not really. I've had half a hard on this entire time._" Toki said and laughed slightly.

Skwisgaar laughed a little at this too then began stoking Toki's hair absentmindedly and twisting the strands in his fingers. Toki rubbed his head in Skwisgaar's shoulder affectionately and the blonde hugged him closer. Toki looked up at Skwisgaar with those big pale blue eyes as the flickering colours of the television danced across his face and Skwisgaar was warmed by the soft honest smile on the younger man's lips. A great weight lifted from him as he realised that Toki, if only for a moment, had forgotten his troubles from earlier that day and he brushed Toki's cheek with his other hand. He ran his thumb over his jawline, then his funny little moustache and Toki scoffed slightly and pecked the lead guitarists palm in response.

Skwisgaar held the Rhythm guitarist's jaw in his palm, hugged him close and pushed their mouths together. Toki brought his inner hand up to the back of the blonde's neck and gently pulled into the kiss. He worked his lips skilfully around Skwisgaar's and began to add experimental touches of tongue. Skwisgaar didn't need any more confirmation than this that the brown haired man wanted this as much as him, so the swede shifted his weight down on top of Toki and they fell onto the couch kissing passionately. Toki tried desperately not to spill his drink and he managed to get it within an inch or two of the floor before he released the glass and it fell with a tinkling thud. Skwisgaar looked up in panic to make sure the two sleeping beauties had not woken from the sound but the rhythmic snoring and grunting from the other side of the room bid him to proceed.

Toki pulled Skwisgaar back into their mouth tussle and snaked his hands under his shirt running, them across his chest and back. The swede broke away in heavy breaths and ran his tongue down the Norwegian's throat which made Toki's Adam's apple bob as he swallowed and let out a large exhale of breath. The swede lifted Toki's shirt and ran his hands over those taught abdominals which flexed and twitched under his touch. He could feel Toki bludging against his jeans so he moved his hand down, unbuttoned the man below him with amazing dexterity and slipped inside his waist band. He regretted his act of self-love of just a moment ago as he bit down softly on the brunette's neck and took hold of his warm cylinder. The rhythm guitarist wanted to call out but opted for a small, restrained moan no louder than the noise from the television and dug his fingers into the swede's back. Skwisgaar rhythmically stoked him and the Norwegian breathed hard in time with his movements, only allowing the smallest of encouraging moans to escape him. It wasn't long before Toki began to tense and writhe beneath the lead guitarist and when he reached his climax he pulled Skwisgaar's head up and kissed him, using his mouth to muffle his excitement. He came hard into Skwisgaar's hand then broke away from the kiss, panting.

The lead guitarist rose up on his palm and looked down at Toki with a satisfied smirk and a small conceded laugh. Toki immediately dropped his hands from the blonde's shoulders then quickly backed himself up and away from the swede. Skwisgaar gave him a puzzled look as he stood up hastily and did up his jeans. Toki stood there looking back at him breathing heavily with a fearful look on his face. He ran his hand through his dishevelled hair and glanced over at the other two band mates passed out on the lounge then back to the swede.

_"Fuck you, Skwisgaar."_ He panted out in the pseudo level tone of one trying to stay calm. _"Fuck you, I fucking…. I fucking hate you."_

Skwisgaar's face turned from one of imploring bemusement to one of hurt filled disdain. He stood up from the couch and extended to his full height. Toki didn't move and now had a deer-in-the-head-lights look on his face as the blonde fury approached him. The lead guitarist reached out, grabbed a fistful of the rhythm guitarist's shirt and snarled down at him in the harsh light of the television. Toki didn't resist and stood rooted the floor as Skwisgaar brought his other hand up to hold the shorter man's head and went in for a kiss. He stopped a quarter of an inch from Toki's lips and held there for a moment before he laughed once sadistically and backed away with a mirthless smirk.

He unclenched Toki's shirt and held his palm flat against his chest for a moment before wiping his hand on it and walking silently away, up the stairs and out of sight. Toki felt at the sticky residue left over his heart and fell onto the couch, stunned. He finished the bottle of bourbon in front of him and passed out where he sat.


	20. 6-0 Nacho Flavoured Nachos

Chapter 6.0 Nacho Flavoured Nachos

Skwisgaar had spent the last two and a half weeks almost solidly in the studio in the build up to the record release. He sat in the practice chamber surrounded by a variety of guitars, empty energy drink bottles, a pile of scribbled on papers and one very full ashtray. He was steadily re-working the bass part for 'Carpe Jugulam' when Nathan and Murderface walked into the large, cavernous room; they seemed to be having an argument.

"Bullschit! The Nacho flavoured Doritosch are fucking mind blowing! How could you posschibly not like them?" Murderface said to Nathan as they walked the several meters towards the other side of the chamber to where Skwisgaar was.

"It's not that I don't like the flavour it's that I don't like the concept." Nathan tried to explain.

"What the hell isch that schupposed to mean?"

"You can't have Nacho flavoured Doritos when you make Nachos out of Doritos! It just doesn't make sense."

"Holy SCHIT, Man! That'sch an effing great idea! Use the Nacho flavoured ones to make actual Nachos! You're a god damn genius, Nathan!"

"Arrh, thanks, but I think you're missing my point."

"Wow, Skwischgaar! You look like you've been schit out Beelzebub's asschole!" Murderface gleefully commented when the swede looked up to greet his band mates.

A lit cigarette danced freely on Skwisgaar's lips as he held the long neck of the bass guitar and scribbled down some notes at the same time. His eyes were blood shot and watery and the bags under them had recently been upgraded to suitcases too heavy to be permitted on international flights. He also had a fine blonde stubble growing in that aged him several years. His skin had an oily, greenish shine to it and his heal twitched metronomically.

"Ja, well I haves been busy workings wit **your** bass parts." Skwisgaar replied pointedly and slipped the pencil back through his greasy hair to rest behind his ear.

"What? Why have you been fucking around with my bass lines!? That's mine, I wrote them!" Murderface asked defiantly.

"Ja, Moirderface. Dats why I ams here rights now writings dem!" The blonde replied sarcastically and pointed to the bass on his lap.

"It's a collaboration! Fucking, whatever, we only came down here to get you for dinner." Murderface explained.

"We decided on that awesome seafood place where they have a tank on every table and you can put whatever you want in it." Nathan explained further.

"My vote isch for two lobschters. I wanna see them fight, then eat the winner." Murderface said.

"I still think an electric eel and a sea snake would be cooler." Nathan argued.

"Yeah but would you really wanna eat that?" Murderface asked.

"Whys we moves de day for restaurant nights ups to nows?" Skwisgaar enquired.

"Huh? We didn't." Murderface answered.

Skwisgaar had a confused look on his face as he leant over to put out his cigarette in the limited real estate of the ashtray. That's when Nathan noticed the tell-tale red marks on the inside of the guitarist's arm and frowned slightly.

"Arrh, Skwisgaar, when was the last time you slept?" Nathan probed at the swede.

"Ja, I haves been awake for a whiles now, maybe a day and a halfs? I gots to makes dis not sound dildos." He said to Nathan as he took up his position with the bass again. "Pfft, so anoyings haveings to makes dis easy enough for yous to play." He directed at Murderface then cut off the bassist's slanderous retort with a thunderous gallop on the lower strings.

Nathan looked around at the crappy campsite Skwisgaar had been nesting in and wondered if the cost to the guitarist was really worth the great work he had produced. He felt that deep appreciation for Skwisgaar that always cropped up around record release time. He waved his hand at the blonde to signal his need for attention and the music stopped.

"Skwisgaar, You know it's Sunday, right? Today is Sunday." Nathan clarified for the guitarist.

"Reallys?" Skwisgaar looked disorientated and his heel twitched more viciously.

"Yeah. I haven't seen you since Thursday night. Have you been down here the entire time?"

"Arrh, ja, I guesses. I tought today ams Friday?" Skwisgaar said conversationally as he picked up one of his hand scribbled notes and clicked his teeth together in the pattern he was reading.

"Yeah, well that speed Pickles has is good shit. I'm not surprised you lost a day or two." Nathan said as he took in the full vision of the blonde man.

Skwisgaar folded his arm up to hide the track marks. He wasn't ashamed, none of them were, but he caught the concern in Nathan's voice and it made him uncomfortable. He lit another cigarette to stop himself nibbling on his lower lip.

"So the last time you ate was?" Nathan continued to probe in a parental manner.

"Ahhhh, dinners meal wit everyones. De burgers wit de blue cheese, dat ams it."

"Dinner on Thursday? Shit! No wonder you're so skinny. You had better come along with us tonight. Toki's been wondering what you've been up to so he'll be happy to see you."

"Ams dat so?" Skwisgaar had been making the rhythm guitar sections easy enough for a child to play just to make Toki look the fool when he played them but had recently reworked some of them and made them far beyond his skill level, for the same reason.

"Yeah, he's been all messed up again lately." The front man added deliberately. "He was good for a day or so after, well that thing he had, but then started acting really weird again. I suppose you haven't been around to see it since you've been down here pretty much since then but it's been especially bad the last few nights."

"Reallys?" Skwisgaar said in feigned disinterest and tapped off the ash of his cigarette.

"Yeah. Pickles has been letting him sleep in his room recently." This was meant as some kind of comfort but Skwisgaar's hackles stood up at this new information. He put the guitar down and drew back hard on his cigarette as he contemplated Nathan.

"So he ams Pickles's baby now, huh?" Skwisgaar asked with a raised eyebrow in a low voice.

"You Scheriously have to schatrt using a less fucking gay word for him." Murderface interjected. "Like 'problem', 'liability' or 'pain in the assch'" he suggested.

"'pain ins de ass' sounds mores gay to me, Williams."

"Fuck you! It's a turn of phrasche!"

"Pfft, what evers." Skwisgaar rubbed the inside of his arm where the marks itched and stood up slowly.

"Seriously dude, you have got to eat something. You look like you're about to keel over." Nathan said with genuine concern. He had seen the lead guitarist like this before but usually much closer to the album deadline, mind you, they only had about ninety days left.

Skwisgaar looked over at his pile of papers and empty GuitarAid bottles and rubbed his itchy arm again. "Ja, I am tinkings you maybes gots a point." He said as he slipped the pencil out from behind his ear and placed it on his notes. He followed Nathan out of the practice chamber but Murderface lagged behind for a moment and quickly signed the top page on the stack.

Pickles's and Toki where sitting together on the couch with a bottle of Pinot Noir and flicking through the television channels.

"Holy shit dood! How much o' that shit did ya take!" Pickles asked Skwisgaar as the other three entered the lounge room. Skwisgaar folded his arms and threw the drummer the most arrogant look he could muster under the circumstances. Pickle's just laughed at this. "Dood! It's like that week in Bermuda all ova again." He chuckled at the memory.

Toki silently took in the visage of the man he had not seen for three days and had to agree with Pickles's observation. Although, this time Skwisgaar hadn't spent the night on the beach with resort staff holding flood lamps as he created a very large and life like sand picture of Murderface licking a dildo for the entire hotel to see in the morning. Amphetamines really brought out his creative side.

"Ja, well I ams almost dones wit de bass lines for de whole album." Skwisgaar said proudly to the red head.

"You mean **we**." Murderface interrupted but both Pickles and Skwisgaar ignored him.

"So nows I just gots de rhythm guitar tos rewrite." He ended glaring at Toki who averted his gaze and retreated into his wine glass. Pickles caught this and tried to defuse the tension.

"Well I'm sure you'll give Toki somethin' great ta play," He pulled the Norwegian into a quick sideways hug, "but we've still got some time up our sleeves so take tonight off 'n' watch a Piranha fight a baby Tiger shark."

"Nah, electric eel and sea snake. Way cooler." Nathan argued.

"Fucking lobster knife fight! I've scheen that schit on you Tube, it's fucking brutal!" Murderface added.

"Siameese fightings fish! It whats is in da name!" Toki suggested, still not looking at the swede.

"Whatda you think, Skwisgaar?" Pickles asked trying to keep the conversation jovial.

"I don'ts know. Maybe de Dicks whale and de boat eatings Squid." He said disinterested.

"You mean a Sperm whale?" Nathan corrected.

"Ja, froms de book." Skwisgaar said and pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration at being corrected. "De bigs, whites, spermy, dick whale whats de crazy captains chases but in de ends it pull hims under and it ams a great bigs metfores for hims not wantings to admit he ams gay." He looked up at his band mates who were looking at him weirdly. Skwisgaar realised his pseudo comedic outburst had not had anything like the effect he was hoping for. "We has to reads it at high school fors de English class." He quickly explained.

"Scho did we." Murderface said. "But you Europeansch just make up your own interpretations don't you?"

"Ja, whatevers." Skwisgaar said as he rubbed his arm again and walked toward the stairs.

"We're leaving in a half an hour!" Nathan called after him and Skwisgaar waved his hand in recognition.

He stared at himself in the mirror as he ran his Shredder 6.66 razor down his face. He really did look like death warmed up but he was proud of the music he had written so far. He tapped the surface of the water in the bath tub as he mused over one of his riffs and inspiration struck for the accompanying rhythm guitar part. He almost leapt out of the bath to go find Toki but he quickly remembered why he had been down in the studio for the last fortnight avoiding him. He slipped further down and tried to just enjoy the warm water but the drugs caused him to fidget incessantly and knaw at the inside of his mouth so he washed his hair for a third time and got out.

He was collecting up the last of his things before heading back down stairs when Pickles appeared leaning in his doorway, holding a small tube between his fingers like a drum stick.

"Here," he said and tossed the tube of concealer to the guitarist. Skwisgaar read the label then threw an incredulous look at the drummer. "For your eyes." He explained.

"For reals?" The lead guitarist asked, more to question the irony that Pickles was actually giving him a make-up tip.

"Yeah. We're going out in public and there'll be a lot of douchbags out with their camera phones, me included. Normally I'd say ta hell with 'em but this close to the new album release those fuckers are like starved wolves." Pickles said as he crossed his arms.

The lead guitarist was used to corpse paint or the occasional flick of eye liner when he was younger but he usually just relied on his natural good looks. Well, the natural good looks afforded to him by a small mountain of hair and skin care products. Skwisgaar threw him the same incredulous expression again.

"Seriously Skwisgaar, I know what I'm on about. I've been in this game longer than you have." He said in response with a sagely tone.

"Nots dat much longers." The lead guitarist huffed.

"Well obviously, it's just long enough." The red head retorted and gave the swede a loaded glance before he rolled out of the doorway and went back downstairs. Skwisgaar's brain ignored any and all connotations the look might have had.

He tried an experimental bit of concealer on the back of his hand and having been impressed by the result he proceeded to blot out as much of the purpley-blackness around each eye as possible. He bit at his lip in concentration but nearly ended up drawing blood.

Toki's eyes lit up when he saw Skwisgaar coming quickly down the stairs to join the rest of the band. The others gave a more subdued approval of the change in appearance.

"De octopusen." Skwisgaar said randomly.

"Huh? What?" Nathan asked, still silently impressed by the difference a good bath and a shave had made to the man.

"De octopusen whats changes colour wit de surroundings. Puts dat in de tank as de games changer." He suggested.

"Hey that's not a bad idea, in fact it's pretty brutal." Nathan agreed.

Toki smiled at the blonde man from behind Pickles but averted his eyes when Skwisgaar looked over at him. Pickles noted Toki's reaction and seemed to have non-verbal conversation with the rhythm guitarist before they all left for the restaurant.


	21. 6-1 Fish bowl

Chapter 6.1 Fish bowl

Since an agreement couldn't be reached they decided to just throw all the animals in together and watch the carnage unfold but to their disappointment, nothing much happened. All of the sea creatures seemed to either ignore each other or run away from everything. Even the camouflage octopus had hidden expertly in the rocks and was very uninterested in the passing potential snacks.

Toki had sat as far away from Skwisgaar as possible and now he and Pickles were drinking Mojitos at the end of the table, watching the baby Tiger shark swim around the tank. Skwisgaar and Murderface sat at the other end arguing about how much or little (depending on whose side you were on) of the base lines had been written by Murderface. Nathan sat in the middle of the table and shifted between the two conversations. He shifted back to the base lines conversation when he noticed that Skwisgaar had managed to completely rearrange the food on his plate without actually consuming any of it.

"You freaking anorexic or something?" Nathan butted in and pointed to the swede's plate.

Skwisgaar was really not enjoying the front man's new found concern for his welfare and let out an exasperated noise. He humoured the vocalist by consuming one tiny forkful of salmon and washed it down with another vodka and lemon; He was managing to get through a good amount of alcohol if nothing else. Nathan raised a very expectant eye brow at the blonde man and Skwisgaar proceeded to consume two more tiny forkfuls under the watchful gaze of those green eyes. Murderface showed his concern in his own way.

"You know, you schould schtock up what you can for the come down. It'sch gunna be schomething fierce." The bassist commented as he watched the lead guitarist tap his fingers vigorously against the fork.

"Ja." Skwisgaar replied with a little irritation in his voice.

"Seriously man, you'll end up hospitalised at this rate." Nathan continued.

"Ja." He replied with more irritation.

"It'sch like a bear preparing for winter, you schee?" Murderface added.

"Jaaa! I gets it!"

"Good, so go on, eat. Or do I need to force feed you like a baby?" Nathan said. Skwisgaar put one hand over his face and stabbed his fork hard into his fish.

_"Fuck damn it! I'll stab you both through the neck if you don't fuck off and leave me alone!"_ The swede said in total frustration and rubbed his face in both hands while his heal twitched violently again.

When he looked up the three Americans were looking at him with annoyed expressions and Toki was staring at him with wide eyed unease through the tank. The Norwegian didn't look away this time and he and Skwisgaar stared blankly at each other through the glass for a few moments. Skwisgaar was the one to turn away this time as he stood up from the table and took a cigarette out of his packet.

"I amns't your fuckings baby, Nat'an." He said as he looked down at the front man with angry, blood shot eyes. The front man frowned and curled his lip slightly back at the guitarist who then turned to throw the same angry, blood shot look at Toki before walking away towards the smoking section of the balcony.

"Looks like someone's startin' to come down." Pickles commented nonchalantly as he looked back to the tank of sea animals. His phone bleeped a message at him. "But it looks like that person won't be me." He said with a smile as he checked his phone. "Sorry, guys. I'll be back in a few minutes." and he left the table.

Toki crossed both arms in front of him and rested his chin on them as he watched the fish. Nathan was still fuming silently over Skwisgaar's moodiness so it was Murderface who broke the silence.

"I don't know why all of thesche damn fish won't juscht kill each other. They all fight all the time but put them all in the schame tank and they juscht carry on co-exischting." Murderface said disappointedly. "Look at the two lobschters, they're juscht hanging out, palling around together, right next to that damn octopusch and it'sch not doing a god damn thing about it!" Then an idea struck Murderface, "Hang on, I'm going to liven thingsch up a bit." He took a knife from the table and stood up on one of the chairs to hold his arm over the tank. The other two watched as the bass player ran the knife over the inside of his forearm and the red blood began to drip into the clear, clean water of the tank.

Nothing happened for a moment then the shark began swimming around voraciously. The piranha swam right up to one of the Siamese fighting fish and swallowed it whole, one of the lobsters caught the sea snake and cleaved it in two, the electric eel had stunned the other Siamese fighter and it floated upside down towards the surface, the tiger shark then swooped right in and took a chunk out of the eel and the octopus finally reached out with its tentacles and smothered the other lobster.

"Schee," Murderface said with satisfaction, "All it takesch isch a little blood."

The three of them watched, pointed and commented on the tank chaos for a while until Pickles returned.

"Holy cow! Whad happened 'ere?" He asked, eagerly pointing to the tank.

"Moiderface happens." Toki vaguely explained. Pickles looked over to a beaming Murderface holding a napkin to the cut on his arm.

"Aww, dood, you couldn't have waited 'till I got back?" He said plaintively and completely unmoved by his band mate's act of self-harm. They all stared transfixed at the contents of the tank until there was so much blood and so many entrails they had to squint to see what was going on inside.

"I'm pretty sure tha octapus is tha last man standing." Pickles said peering hard into the tank.

"Hows can you sees him?" Toki asked and searched intently at where the drummer was pointing.

"You can't see it? It's right there. No, there, next to the rock, he's tryin' ta hide but it ain't workin'. Well blondie'll be happy his guy won, where is the fallin' star anyway?"

"Don'ts know."

"Don't care." Nathan added quickly.

Toki looked down at the table dejected and Pickles felt bad for bringing up Skwisgaar so he clapped a friendly hand on Toki's shoulder.

"Hey Toki, come with me for a second. I got somethin' you'll enjoy." Pickles said to Toki and they both got up and left the table. Murderface grabbed the moment alone with Nathan.

"What the fuck is up with Skwischgaar and Toki? Did you schee the look thosche two gave each other?" Murderface started conspiratorially.

"No, not really." Nathan said, lying slightly.

"Well Skwischgaar wasch schtaring daggersch at him."

"He does that to everyone." Nathan said more as an excuse for not having smacked the swede when he had done it to him.

"Well what the hell did he dump him on Picklesch for then? Eschpecially after, well, you know, and then he fuckin' locksch himschelf down in the schtudio for the nexscht two weeks! I tell you, there'sch schomething fucking weird going on." The bassist said and swigged at his domestic beer.

Nathan mulled this over in his bourbony brain for a moment and realised something interesting about Toki's behaviour in the last two and a half weeks. Whenever he had been freaking out he hadn't switched to Snow Speak, he might have had completely incomprehensible English or had gone silent altogether but he hadn't forced them to go find Skwisgaar. It also seemed that Skwisgaar hadn't wanted to be found.

"I suppose they're just fighting about something stupid again." Nathan said unconvincingly.

"Nah, this scheems different. Fuckin' lovers tiff if you aschk me." Murderface said only semi sarcastically as he held his arm tighter. Nathan noticed the blood seeping through the linen napkin.

"You're getting blood on everything." He observed.

"Yeah, thisch isch deeper than I meant it to be." Murderface said factually.

"Well go clean yourself up, there's fuckers everywhere with their phones out. Hang on," Nathan whipped out his own phone and Murderface moved the napkin aside for him take a picture. "There, now go wash that shit off." Murderface tottered off towards the bathrooms and Nathan sat there looking into the murky fish tank.

What the fuck was going on with his band? He thought as he clinked around the ice in his drink. They all had their spells, their moments, their 'little accidents', still, he hadn't seen the blonde man in a hole this deep for a long, long time. He needed Skwisgaar on top form this close to record release but the man seemed happy on his little bout of self-destruction. Nathan couldn't fault the music he was producing, though, and considering he himself hadn't come close to finishing the lyrics he felt he didn't have a leg to stand on there. Maybe he should just leave him be but then there was Toki.

They had suggested to Charles that Toki should be medicated but the manager had been reluctant to go down that path saying that the guitarist had been under a lot of stress lately and that he would most likely be back to normal soon. Nathan took out his phone again and flicked all the way back to the photo of the two Scandinavians asleep on the bed. Instead of smiling at the picture he frowned. He was right, they shouldn't rely so much on Skwisgaar, the man was a selfish, arrogant, flake who only helped with Toki when he felt like it. Most of the time he was the cause for Toki's upset in the first place which was most likely why he had run to Pickles more recently.

Thank heaven, hell and everywhere in between for Pickles who had managed to pick up the pieces, almost literally sometimes. Earlier that week Nathan had been watching from the window as Toki and Pickles sat in the picnic area outside. Their conversation had gotten very animated on Toki's part but that wasn't unusually, then Toki had ended up with his head on Pickles's shoulder and the drummer patting and rubbing his back. It hadn't lasted long and soon the two were back to playing Frisbee, though the way they were reacting to the disc indicated that it was most likely a game of Mushroom Frisbee. That was the first night Toki had stayed in the drummer's room and the rhythm guitarist had stuck to him like glue the whole week.

Nathan looked around the restaurant and recognised a few other patrons from various parties the band had been to; there were only so many people who could afford these places after all. He thought the Sheik looking guy on the table next to them might have been one of Abduhl's many brothers and he didn't like the idea of him taking the opportunity to talk to him sitting alone so he finished his drink and retreated to the bathroom.

The bathroom was huge, much bigger than necessary for the restaurant, and was essentially split down the middle by a huge narrow fish tank running from basin counter to ceiling. Various tropical fish danced amongst the brightly coloured coral and unusually loud ocean noises where being pumped through the speakers, resinating in the fantastic acoustics of the room. Nathan was expecting to find Murderface in there dressing his wound but he wasn't anywhere in view. He went over to use the urinal and could have sworn he heard a girl's voice over the load ocean crashes however he then heard a much more familiar mid-western twang.

"Pickles?" he enquired and his deep voice boomed around the room.

"Nathan?" Pickles asked in reply even though it couldn't have possibly been anyone else. A stall unlocked close to Nathan and the red head poked out. "Hey man, you want in on this shit?" he asked and Nathan could hear Toki's distinctive giggling coming from the same stall.

"What is it?" Nathan asked.

"I jus' got some real good coke delivered ta me. Some o' the best shit I've had in ages!" The drummer said through his signature crooked smile.

"Sure," Nathan shrugged, "but I'm not getting in there with you guys. Why didn't you just do it here on the counter? Or at the fucking table, no one gives a shit. You should have seen what that Sheik and all this wives were doing two tables over from us."

"This one," Pickles pointed a thumb at Toki "was getting' all paranoid or some shit. Anyway, here." The drummer brought out his compact mirror with a few premade lines on it and passed it to Nathan with a straw. At that moment Murderface emerged from a stall on the other side of the room.

"What the fuck? Can't a man take a schit in peace! What are you all doing schtanding around in the fucking bathroom?" he demanded.

"Coke." Pickles said plainly.

"Shit, yeah. Can I have schome?"

"Sure, why nawt. Let's make it a fuckin' party, whatever."

The front man put it on the counter and they each took a turn dipping their heads down and then pulling up sharply. Each of them concurred that it was 'fucking awesome shit!'

"Man, I thought I heard a girl in here but I schuppose it wasch just you then, Toki." Murderface teased as the Norwegian began giggling again.

"Aw, screws you Moiderface." Toki retorted uncreatively and bobbed his face down to the counter again.

Toki went down for a full line, which was about double what he had been dosing himself, and when he brought his head level again he was looking through the fish tank glass into the face of non-other than the faster guitarist alive. Behind the blonde, on the other side of the bathroom, one of the Sheik's wives quickly relocked the stall they had just recently shared.

The swede held himself up on the basin with water dripping off his face, he had accidentally washed off all the concealer and so looked the way he actually felt. Toki looked back at him with wide, coked up, glassy eyes as he held his nose and swallowed; the foul tasting stuff had globbed at the back of his throat. The drugs caused a temporary loss of inhibitions in the brunette and he held his finger tips on the tank as he looked into the eyes of the bedraggled lake monster on the other side. Toki allowed his other hand to fall away from his nose and the two sets of blue eyes held each other's gaze until a warm sensation began running into Toki's moustache. The Arctic Ocean blue eyes changed expression and the blonde brow above them furrowed. Skwisgaar flicked the last of the water off his face as he trod around the fish tank and up to Toki.

Toki didn't struggle when the blonde man backed him into the counter and clasped the back of his head in one hand. He looked up at the older man expectantly with parted lips and apologetic eyes but the swede did not meet his expectations. Instead, he ran his left hand over the Norwegian's top lip then held it out for him to see the blood smear.

"What de fucks ams dis?" The Swede began accusatively, "You tryings to fucking O.D. or somethings!?" The hand at the back of his head scrunched a fistful of brunette hair aggressively.

Toki's mouth opened and closed slightly and his eyes darted around the swede's face wildly. He could taste a mixture of the bitter glue and metallic blood running down the back of his throat and for a moment he thought he might be overdosing after all. The drugs made him want to touch the blonde man so he ran his left hand through the golden weft flowing over his shoulder and held his palm over the lead guitarist's heart for a moment, feeling its rapid beat. The swede didn't relax his grip and stared down at Toki's blood smeared face with his cold, red, dark rimmed eyes. Toki looked up at him dazed, then he realised how pissed off he was and bunched a handful of Skwisgaar's shirt in this fist.

"So whats if I ams?" Toki said and pulled the swede closer to him, "You amns't one to be talkings!" he grabbed Skwisgaar's left wrist tightly and stretched out his arm to reveal the track marks.

Skwisgaar released his grip on the back of his head. "Sos sosrries I been busy wit de album. I only has three fuckings part to be writings." he said sarcastically and tried to push off Toki but Toki held him firmly with amazing strength.

"Two!" Murderface piped up but was ignored.

"So dats whys you locks yourselves up and plays de darts on yous-self?" Toki chastised and shook the man's arm to further his point.

"Ja! It ams!" he said trying to break away again but Toki had the weakened man held fast.

Nathan wasn't going to stop Toki this time as he would most likely give the Swede a proxy beating for him. Murderface was quietly hoovering another half a line but Pickles, ever the peace maker, was beginning to get worried.

"Come on guys. This anin't tha place for this." he began and moved towards the two. Skwisgaar gave him a filthy look.

"Why yous gives him dis shit anyways? He ams lookings like dat fuckings clown!" The swede accused the red head. Toki twisted his grip and held the blonde tighter in anger.

"Dood, it's jus' a lil' nose bleed." He said trying to diffuse the situation. "Come 'ere, Toki, I'll clean ya up."

"Fucks off! I's not a little kids! I can does it myselfs!" Toki burst out at the drummer and threw Skwisgaar back two feet. The swede stumbled slightly and Toki turned around to wash himself off over the sink.

"Ams dis what happens when I ams not arounds?" The blonde blamed the red head by pointing at Toki's back.

"No, this is whad happens when you **are** around, when yer nawt, we have way more fun!" The short drummer glowered defiantly up at the tall guitarist. The blonde man was hurt and so turned to the other two.

"And you twos ams OK wit dis?" He asked still pointing to Toki over the sink.

"Chill out man, it's just a nose bleed." Nathan said holding his own nose.

"Yeah, nobody worry about me over here!" Murderface called out as he cleaned away his own blood; Nobody did.

"He's fine. You should be more worried about yourself." Nathan said loftily; the guitarist had absolutely had it with the front man's know-it-all attitude.

"Yeh, you're tha one bein' tha fuckin' 'come-down Queen'!" the drummer said heatedly. Skwisgaar reached out one of his long arms and grabbed a fistful of Pickles's shirt, stepping into his space.

"Whats you just calls me?" He said menacingly. Pickles just grabbed a fistful of the swede's shirt in retaliation and glared back up at him.

"Yer fuckin' heard me, blondie." He said through clenched teeth. They glared at each other meaningfully, daring the other to make the first move.

"_Skwisgaar, will you fucking knock it off!"_ Toki said having turned back around momentarily.

"No, don't you fucking start with that!" Nathan interjected quickly, "I'm fucking sick your god damn Snow Speak!" Toki threw Nathan a glassy, yet somehow dagger filled, gaze.

"Aw, fucks you all offs." Toki said in frustration and slid himself along the counter edge in an attempt to make an exit. Skwisgaar looked up from Pickles's snarling face to stem Toki's retreat.

_"And where the fuck do you think you're going?_" The swede demanded of him.

_"The fuck away from you guys!"_ Toki answered as he staggered past Nathan.

"HEY! What the fuck did I just say!" The front man said and reefed Toki backward by the shoulder.

As Toki spun around he did the most impulsive, drug fuelled, idiotic thing he quite possibly had ever done up to that point and backhanded the front man clumsily across the face.

"Fucks you, I says what I wants!" he yelled and backed up into the counter top with blood trickling down his face again. Nathan was stunned for a moment but then all of his body language changed and suggested they were about to become a four piece band.

Both Skwisgaar and Pickles let go of each other and reached for Toki but it was too late. Nathan had grabbed the rhythm guitarist by both shoulders and thrown him into the small wall adjoining the stalls behind them. Toki let out an involuntary yelp as the air was smacked out of his lungs and blood oozed more fiercely down into the corner of his mouth. The last of the bitter sludge at the back of his throat was dislodged and Toki's heart began pounding uncomfortably in his chest. He gapped at the front man who brought his face close to his and squeezed him so tightly he bruised.

"You're a real problem Toki, you know that?" Nathan growled low and clearly to the shocked brunette. "You fuck up one more time and you're out of the band."

Toki wouldn't have said a word even if he had been capable. Nathan released him and calmly walked out of the room leaving the rhythm guitarist to slide silently down the wall. Pickles immediately went over to him and caught him as he slumped forward.

"Ok, yer gotta breath, that heart rate's a bit high." He instructed as he held one hand on Toki's chest and the other on his back. Skwisgaar looked down at the two on the floor with arrogant disdain.

"You can deals wit him." He snarled and the red head looked up, "He ams your babys now." And with that he began striding out of the bathroom.

"Scheriously Skwischgaar…" Murderface started but was cut off.

"Shuts up, William!" Skwisgaar shot at the bassist without looking up or slowing his stride out of the room.

Toki stared after the blonde man as Pickles put the brunette's arm around his shoulders and lifted him to his feet.

"Fuckin' 'come-down Queen', alright." Murderface commented to Skwisgaar's wake and snapped the little compact mirror closed.


	22. 7-0 Second Jump

Chapter 7.0 Second Jump

The record release date loomed closer and so Pickles spent more time writing and recording than hanging out with Toki. Nathan, Pickles and Skwisgaar put all of their bullshit aside in favour of the musical collaboration that allowed them to bear the deepest, darkest hatred festering in their souls but that also brought them a metric fuck tonne of cash.

This left Toki with Murderface a lot of the time as they were both only called in to record when needed. Skwisgaar hadn't bothered to try and probe Pickles for information regarding Toki but the little information he did get was thick with undisclosed meanings and innuendo. The exhausted Swedish national did not always pick up on the subtleties in the Wisconsin accent but there did not seem to be the same jealous sting in the drummer's responses as in the lead guitarist's questions. However a few interesting turns of phrase regarding the Scandinavians' relationship made Skwisgaar suspicious of how much Pickles knew.

"You know, Toki's been down in tha practice halls almost every night this week." Pickles told the blonde over a surprisingly early breakfast.

"Pfft, he leaves it untills we ams fucking recordings to finally picks up hims guitar!"

"Well yer been screamin' yer head off at him any chance yer get, so I'm nawt surprised. Good thing Nathan wasn't around yesterday." Pickles said. Nathan had banned Snow Speak from the recording studio in an attempt to keep control over the room.

"Overs one hundreds fifty takes! Fucking one hundred fiftys! Why can'ts I just does it. I am de one whats writes it after alls."

"Ha! Yeh, we can tell. It sounds feckin' brutal but I recon ye made it too hard for 'im. Poor lil' guy was shaking like a leaf the whole time. I think you make him nervous." Pickles added with a crooked smile.

"Well I ams sicks to dyings of hims. Nots my fault he ams shit, he needs to be takings responksibilieties for hims acktions." Skwisgaar said testily.

"Ok, did something happen?" The drummer said picking up on the undertone in the guitarist's comment.

The swede looked down at his cereal and thought for a moment before responding with a very affirmative sounding "Nos." Pickles decided not to pry as he and Skwisgaar had been getting along really well recently.

"Ok then, well, me 'n' Nathan got some stuff we wanna go over before Knubbler comes in later this afternoon, so I'm off." The red head commented light heartedly.

"Ja, I gots to go does mine ting toos." The blonde added and they both began work for the day.

Toki had finally worked out how to use the sound board and so was running through some riffs he and Murderface were experimenting with. He had headphones on and so didn't hear the Swede walk into the studio late that night and sit on the couch behind him. He only realised someone was there when the glass of the isolation booth in front of him caught the glint of the Aquavit bottle the blonde was swigging from.

_"Fucking hell Skwisgaar!"_ He exclaimed as he turned around and jumped in his seat. He pulled the head phones down around his neck and very quickly hit pause on the playback. _"You scared me half to death! What the fuck are you doing down here?"_

_"If you delete my guitar tracks again I will actually murder you." _The lead guitarist said plainly as he leaned back heavily into the couch.

_"I…I'm not…I won't….Nubbler backed those up straight away…. Is that Akevitt?"_ Toki fumbled trying to change the subject.

_"Akvavit, ja."_

_"Sounds stupid when you say it."_ Toki said with a cheeky smile. Starting the Scandinavian pissing contest was always a good diversion but the blonde man was exhausted and didn't rise to the bait.

Skwisgaar took another small swig from the bottle (there was only about half of it left) as he contemplated the Norwegian. He then peeled himself off the couch, stood up slowly and leisurely swaggered over to the sound board. Toki noted the over emphasis he placed on his hip movements and tried not to look at that area. The swede passed the bottle to Toki who took it warily and drank from it.

_"Shit, that's good!"_ Toki coughed.

_"Ja, it's Swedish, that's why. I had a whole case of it imported."_

Toki took another swig and passed it back to Skwisgaar.

_"So what are you doing down here?"_ Skwisgaar asked.

_"Oh, arrh, well Murderface and me were actually…."_ Toki was cut off.

_"You know, I nearly died today."_ Skwisgaar said flatly as he looked away from Toki and swigged from the bottle again. Toki was momentarily struck dumb and gapped at the lead guitarist who just stared back sallow faced.

_"What? When? How?...What?!"_ The Norwegian finally spluttered out.

_"Complication with the rip cord."_ He began and leaned against the sound board close to Toki, _"It had to be fixed mid fall, they got it just in time though. Huh, and I still didn't miss a note."_ The man turned up one corner of his pout in self-satisfaction and brought the bottle to his lips again before passing it back to Toki.

The rhythm guitarist held the bottle in both hands and looked down awkwardly.

_"I asked Nubbler not to say anything to Nathan about the second jump."_ Skwisgaar continued and Toki looked up at him with alarm then turned away quickly and drank from the bottle trying to disguise it, _"And I know you wouldn't say anything,"_ he added very obviously which made Toki turn back in attention, _"So that just leaves me."_ He finished sadistically and plucked the bottle back out of Toki's hands.

_"You wouldn't!" _Toki gasped and tried to roll back but was tethered by the headphone cord.

_"I might."_ Skwisgaar replied with an evil smirk. Toki opened and closed his mouth a few times before speaking.

_"I'm sorry, alright, I'm sorry, you know I am!"_ He finally blurted out from a panic stricken face.

_"Are you?"_

_"Of course I am! And, holy shit! You almost died because, because…"_

_"Because of your mistake."_ Skwisgaar provided coldly.

Toki held his hand up to his face and swivelled loosely in his chair as this sank in.

_"But you're not dead."_ Toki reassured himself out loud, _"Nothing bad happened, you're alive, you recorded your tracks, and everything is ok."_

_"Ja."_ Skwisgaar agreed and passed the bottle back to him; Toki took three large gulps in quick succession. _"Everything will work out just fine, for the band."_ Toki didn't like the loaded statement and looked inquisitively at the blonde man.

_"Ja, and since I'm a part of the band…" _Toki slowly clarified with distrust.

_"Well, until I tell Nathan at least."_ Skwisgaar slid along the sound board until he was right in front of Toki and leaned back with his palms curled over the edge. He gave the brunette a power hungry sneer. Toki furrowed his eyebrows as the situation became clear to him.

_"What do you want?"_ The Norwegian asked plainly and unapologetically.

_"Oh no, it's not a case of what I want."_ Skwisgaar leaned forward, grasped both arms of the chair and pulled Toki towards him, _"It's a case of what you offered." _He stared down at the younger man's confused face and flashed half a toothy grin at him. _"I'm surprised you don't remember,"_ He said slyly as he pulled the headphones off from around the younger man's neck, _"We were only standing just over there."_ Skwisgaar nodded to a spot just behind them and Toki instinctively looked over. As he did this, the blonde man bent forward and took the bottle out of his hands so that when he turned back he was nose to nose with the swede.

Skwisgaar ran his other hand up Toki's collar bone, slid it expertly over his neck and entangled his long beautiful fingers in the brunette hair at the back of his head. Toki exhaled deeply, closed his eyes and parted his quivering lips in expectation but to his bemusement, it was a feint. Instead, the lead guitarist clasped the handful of hair tightly in his fist and Toki snapped his eyes open to look directly into the swirling tempest of the Arctic Ocean.

_"So get on your fucking knees and do it!"_ Skwisgaar growled through clenched teeth and kicked the chair away, forcing the rhythm guitarist to assume the position. He looked up into Skwisgaar's face and found no warmth, no compassion, no fear or submission, there was no love in those eyes and for the first time in a long while, he was scared of the man. It was only then that Toki remembered what it was he had promised in his panic only two days ago. It was check-mate and the white king had won.

Toki felt like the whole room was now a surrealist painting. None of this was really happening; it was just some weird dream. He weighed up his options and any option that involved not being in Dethklok was out of the question; His life was now held in the multibillion dollar hand pulling his hair and so Toki came to the swift conclusion that this had to happen.

He brought one hand up on Skwisgaar's belt buckle and stared at it as he steeled himself for the task to come. He undid the skull, then the top button, then slowly ran the zipper down and the ominous sound seemed magnified tenfold. He drew back the fabric to reveal the swedes prominent hip bones and couldn't help but run his hands over them. As he did this he realised in a strange turn of thought that he actually had no idea what he was doing. He glanced up pathetically into Skwisgaar's face but his mirthless, cold expression had not changed; if anything, he looked more malevolent. It was the last confirmation that Toki had no way out of this, he would have to just make do.

The brunette slid the denim down and the silky blonde fuzz above the swede's swelling shaft revealed itself. The smell of warm skin filled Toki's nostrils and he found himself strangely drawn to it. He leant in and gently kissed right above the hairline, enjoying the feeling of soft belly skin on his lips. Skwisgaar pulsed at this, pressing against his jeans and the younger man concluded that he should just try to imitate what the girls did to him.

Toki brought his hand up and gasped his band mate's warm rod, freeing it from its cotton prison, and experimentally stroked it. Everything about this was new to him and the feeling of someone else's blood pumping in his palm was especially foreign. Skwisgaar wrapped his fingers a little tighter in the brunette hair as the Norwegian, albeit a little clumsily, rubbed him to attention. The swede leaned back on the sound board and spread his legs a little wider as Toki began to work him with both hands. Skwisgaar was not, however, going to let him off that easily and so looked down at the rhythm guitarist and twisted his hair a little to get his attention. Toki looked up with lightly parted lips and a submissive expression and Skwisgaar changed the lines on his face by millimetres to indicate his expectations.

Toki stuck out his tongue and tentatively touched the tip of it to Skwisgaar's tip but the slightly salty taste made him recoil immediately. He tried the underside next and this was marginally more agreeable so he exhaled warm breath and for the first time in his life, he took a throbbing head into his mouth. The warm, smooth flesh felt strange but not unpleasant and he tongued it experimentally on all sides as he worked the shaft with both hands again. Skwisgaar let out a small exhale of breath and slightly loosened his grip on the back of the other man's skull. Toki felt a little pang of satisfaction at this and tried to take a little more into his mouth. He forced himself to salivate and began slicking the blonde man by running his tongue all over his shaft. He drew back the warm loose skin and ran the underside of his tongue repeatedly over the rim of Skwisgaar's end causing the blonde man to breathe heavily and begin bucking his hips slightly.

Toki was now enjoying this level of pseudo control he had over Skwisgaar and pushed the lead guitarist's hips back into the sound board as he gingerly took more of the man inside his mouth. Skwisgaar took another drink from the bottle of Aquavit but managed to spill more down his front than he actually got in his mouth. The acrid smell of the alcohol, mixed with the pheromones of the man in front of him, added to Toki's perception that this was just a surrealist moment and he began to get hard himself. This action was no longer a chore or a requirement; he wanted the blonde man to be pleased. He began to try some of the things he liked from the ladies, even though much of it was guesswork. He sucked gently and felt the pulse of blood harden the flesh between his lips a little more. This in turn made his own manly flesh harden a little more.

Skwisgaar bucked harder and fidgeted with the chestnut hair in his hand; this was far from the best he had ever had but because of who was doing it, he was easily getting off. He tried to push deeper into each of the Norwegian's movements but Toki would let out little whimpers of protest. This had the opposite effect to what the rhythm guitarist was hoping for and only proved to turn the swede on further. The brunette grasped his band mate's length with both hands again and pulled back giving himself a moment to breathe and look up at the panting swede.

The blonde man constructed a malicious expression then twisted the brown hair sharply in his hand and pushed Toki's face back down onto him. He pushed him down rhythmically, essentially using the other guitarist as an intermediary between himself and his own hand. Toki had lost what little control he had and gagged each time his airway was cut off with the very real possibility that he would throw up all over his band mate. He used both hands to pump hard at the swede purely in an effort to get it over with. The blonde drove hard into Toki's skull three times before ripping the brown hair backwards and spraying the younger man's bewildered, watery face. Skwisgaar, breathing heavily, looked down at the Norwegian and gave a very wicked laugh.

_"You want to know a secret, little Toki?" _He said with a sneer. Silence came from the Norwegian who was still catching his breath and had to close one eye due to the goo all over his features. _"Nathan already knows."_ He said slowly with a wry smile and Toki looked up pathetically at the blonde through his one eye.

_"You need to remember your place."_ The swede continued through gritted teeth. _"How fucking __**dare**__ you think you could replace my tracks! You think you could ever come fucking close to my level? __**I**__ am the fucking lead guitarist and don't you __**ever**__ forget that again!"_ He jerked Toki's head back sharply as he released his hair. Skwisgaar did up his pants quickly but the rhythm guitarist continued to kneel and stare blankly at the floor in front of him. The blonde was annoyed by the brown haired man's lack of reaction.

_"Go clean yourself up."_ He scoffed cruelly and shook a liberal amount of Aquavit over the kneeling man's head before stomping out of the room.

Toki leaned back on his haunches in shock as the alcohol ran down his forehead and onto his face. He wiped it away as best he could and the watering of his eyes provided a reasonable substitute for the tears he couldn't muster. He wiped a large glob of the Swede off his cheek and stared at the mixture on the back of his hand. He stared for a long time and then on some unfathomable, irrational, inexplicable, Freudian style impulse, he brought it up to his lips… and licked it.


	23. 7-1 Mama Pickles

Chapter 7.1 Mama Pickles

Skwisgaar awoke with the most gut curdling, ear splitting, mind liquefying, face melting, eye gouging, rectal ripping, skin burning, voice scraping, muscle cramping BITCH of a hangover. He hadn't felt this shit since his twenty-first birthday when he had dragged 'Smugly Dismissed' out to some Scandi dive bar in San Francisco where they had downed shot after shot of Aquavit because he found it was cheaper over the bar in the United States than back in Sweden off the shelf. He rolled over to the edge of the bed and promptly made a very loud and theatrical business of throwing up.

Skwisgaar let the acidic, slimy leftovers from his barf hang loosely from his bottom lip as he took a moment to breathe. He didn't bother to hold his long golden hair out of the way and the very tips of it sloshed around in the puddle of sick below as he groaned in agony. He spat again and looked over at the empty bottle of Swedish poison on the floor; well that explained a lot, except for the fact that this wasn't his floor.

"Dood! Did you get any of that in tha fuckin' bucket?" The Midwestern accent bounced over him from somewhere behind his back. Skwisgaar couldn't yet make words of any type and so groaned a non-committal sound and spat again. "Gawd, you're getting yer feckin' hair in it."

Skwisgaar hadn't noticed until Pickles's arm was pressed into his shoulder, pulling his hair back, that he was shirtless. He did a quick mental body scan and realised he was in nothing but his jeans and they were boiling hot. He kicked and flicked the foreign blanket off him awkwardly as his head refused to be moved even a millimetre to either side lest his eye balls roll right out of their sockets. Every part of him ached and it felt like there must be at least two cups of sand in his blood. Pickles twisted the lion's mane loosely in his palm and rubbed the tall man's back as he vomited yet again in a very vocal manner over the side of the bed (he got half of it in the bucket this time).

"_I'm fucking dying_." The blonde man panted.

"Yeh, I'll bet." Pickles responded, patting the man's lungs firmly.

_"No, I really think I'm fucking dying."_

"I'm really nawt surprised. That stuff is feckin' awful!"

_"This is bullshit…" _Skwisgaar cut himself off with another small retch of bile.

"That's right, get it all out o' ya." Pickles clucked as Skwisgaar made a few more violent sounds but nothing much more came up.

He seemed to be completely out of all bodily fluids and so tried to roll back over. His head throbbed and his eyes ached so he held one arm over them to block out the daylight peeking in through the curtains. He groaned in gross discontent for a while in that position. Pickles rolled a water bottle at him and the cool feeling on his ribs made him change to a groan of annoyed surprise then annoyed appreciation when he realised what it was. He made the classic mistake of downing as much water as he could only to have it all come back up about two minutes later.

_"Oh GODS!"_ he groaned in a rasped and exasperated voice, _"Please, just fucking kill me!"_ he added rolling onto his back again and resumed his previous position.

"Looks like ye'll be outta action for a while." The drummer said as he rolled out of bed, tugged on his jeans and lit his first cigarette of the day.

He glanced over at the less than regal looking guitar god and chuckled; that was the girl's side of the bed and was probably littered with wet spots and dried jizz (it definitely was at some point). Skwisgaar Swigelf was laying in someone else's sultry stains with spew in the ends of his golden locks, sweating like an old Christmas ham and groaning like a woman with period cramps. So even gods could fall to the level of men, huh? Pickles did the only thing he could do in that situation; he picked up his phone and began filming.

"So do you remember much about last night?" Pickles began the commentary for the film.

_"No Pickles. Fuck off. What the fuck am I doing in here anyway?"_

"I'll tell ya. Yer came in 'ere at two in tha morning, drunk off yer skunk with a damn near empty bottle o' that 'orible shit in ya hand and started yellin' about somthin' in yer damn Snow Speak."

_"Fuck, Really?"_

"Yeh. After I calmed ya down, ya just lay here babbalin' shit fer a quarter o' an hour. I could only understand about half of the half in English. Then ya started rippin' off yer clothes and passed out right there."

_"Fuck. Really?!"_

The Swede let out an ostentatious groan of self-annoyance as he rolled away from the light, toward the centre of the bed and hugged the bunched up blanket.

"So ya gunna tell me what that was all about? Yer pretty lucky I was too feckin' exhausted to physically kick ya that fuck out."

_"I don't fucking remember….. Probably…. Toki."_ The swede muffled into the mink blanket.

"Toki? Whad about him?"

There were foggy memories surrounding Toki, then Skwisgaar's brain latched onto one and pulled it to the fore front of his consciousness. He suddenly felt very hollow as the wave of realisation crashed over him. He buried his face deeper into the blanket and Pickles stepped in closer; seeing the lead guitarist thrusting his head into the blankets like a child scared of thunder was almost too perfect, and again, totally You Tube worthy. The blonde muffled something incomprehensible.

"Huh? Whad was that?"

_"Arrg."_ He lifted his head out of the fabric a little bit. _"He was being a dildo so I made him think Nathan was going to kick him out of the band for deleting my tracks. Arrg, that jump yesterday was just one fuck up after another."_ He said with bitterness.

"Ya know, ya probably should lay off tha lil' guy fer a while. He ain't got much left ta record anyway." Pickles knew Skwisgaar would most likely re-record most of Toki's parts but he didn't want that little secret on film.

_"Fuuuuuck. Nathan starts recording today, doesn't he?" _Skwisgaar groaned, ignoring Pickles's comment as he began rolling onto his back again (he had to keep shifting the sand around or it would build up in one place). He opened half an eye at the drummer.

Pickles quickly lowered his Dethphone and faked checking it for messages as he ended the film then slid it into his back pocket.

"Nathan, yeh. I'll tell him you're fucked 'n' nawt gunna be in tha studio today. I think you've earned a day off anyway; jus' one, mind." The red head said as he slipped on a shirt. "Right, well I need a coffee, you want one?" Skwisgaar just made a sound like he was going to be sick again and pulled the blanket up over his head. "Alrighty then." Pickles smiled and left the room.

Whether he liked it or not, the drummer was the mother hen of the band and everyone had ended up in Pickles's room at some point. He had been the youngest in Snakes 'N' Barrels but was now the eldest in Dethklok and that brought him, well, all the damn problems of the other band members.

When Nathan had broken up with Rebecca, Pickles had spent six hours and two bottles of Jack Daniels talking with the front man as he sat on the drummer's bed with his knees up, clutching a pillow and pretending not to cry into his whisky. Pickles still didn't get it.

Back in the early days, Pickles had actually insisted that Murderface stay in his blade-free boudoir for two consecutive evenings after the bassist had a particularly brutal simultaneous double knife 'accident'. Strangely enough, the bass player hadn't argued or accused it of being 'gay' and had twice in the last three years just slipped in silently under the blanket in the small hours of the morning, desperately trying to stop his fresh bandages from oozing.

This wasn't the first time for the lead guitarist either. During their little venture into the world of fashion, Skwisgaar had knocked on the drummer's door at midnight one night with a contraband tray of cupcakes in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. After a few drinks he had leaned back on Pickles's bed and unexpectedly divulged that he had suffered from an eating disorder on and off throughout pretty much all of his teens years; due in large part to his mother. Pickles's had forced the last cupcake upon him and then they had talked for a long time about their fucked up families and the nature of addictions until, between the vodka and the sugar crash, they had both fallen asleep pressing into each other's backs.

Then there was Toki.

Toki was fucked beyond repair in the drummer's opinion. Since Charles hadn't let them medicate the youngest member of the band, Pickles had decided to go a bit rogue and do it for him. The man knew every upper, downer, sidewayser and diagonaller out there and after Toki's episode in the lounge room, he used them all to help distract and balance out the poor little Norwegian (If the economy kept slipping he could always become a pharmacists).

Toki had asked the drummer a lot of questions in the past few weeks (deep philosophical arguments, relationship queries, past and future scenario building; life questions in general) and the older man had been happy to indulge him in his own thoughts and experiences. The red head had used Skwisgaar in an example for something and Toki had completely hijacked the conversation and proceeded to recount almost every little thing that the Swede did that irritated him:

"…ands he gets pissed offs 'cause of de sugars free stuffs den he fills de fridge wit soy milk! He amn'st even lactoise intolgent! He says dat milk makes hims **cum** tastes bad. BIG DEAL! Likes de grannies be carrings!..."

This would happen pretty much anytime the Blonde man was mentioned. One day when they had been sitting outside getting high, Toki had begun ranting again when the drummer jumped in during a pause in his breath:

"Wow Toki, you spend a lot o' time thinking about 'im, don't cha?" He had said with a cocked eyebrow. Toki had stopped half way through his next word then thrown his head lifelessly into Pickles's shoulder.

"He ams just such an **assholes**!" Toki had then sighed, "And den sometimes he amn'st. Sometimes he ams almost a damns human and I's just don'ts gets it, you knows?"

"Yeh, I know." Pickles reassured him and rubbed the brunette's back in a comforting way. He was starting to recognise this behaviour for what it could be.

"He colds, den hots, den colds, den hots, den fuckings cold again! And you nevers knows what he ams tinkings!"

"Ha ha, Yeh. Jus' like a damn lady." Pickles chuckled. Toki snapped out of his funk and burst out laughing into the man's shoulder.

"Ha ha, yeahs. Just like a fuckings lady!" he said as he pulled away smiling. He giggled randomly throughout the rest of the day each time he thought of this.

Pickles found Nathan at the breakfast table and greeted him on his way to the coffee pot.

"So blondie won't be joinin' us today." Pickles said with a huge grin as he sat down with his cup of Joe.

"What? Why? I thought we were going to go over his tracks from yesterday?"

"I couldn't help myself, it was jus' too feckin' funny." Pickles handed the video to Nathan

"Dude, does he even realise he's not speaking English?" Nathan asked through his laughter.

"Don't think so. I couldn't understand a word he was sayin' but all o' those conversations are the same."

Murderface walked in at that point followed by a very miserable looking Toki who flinched a bit at the sight of Nathan. The Norwegian wandered silently away from the others towards the fridge. He knew the inevitable was coming, he figured it would be after the record was finished and then the front man would have 'the talk' with him.

"What'sch that?" The bassist enquired as the other two laughed at the 6'7" invalid.

"Feckin' Blondie is sick as a dawg this mornin'. Check it out." Pickles laughed as he hit replay and handed the phone to the bassist.

Toki looked over at the other three all laughing around the kitchen table and tried to enjoy the vision as he knew that he wouldn't have them for much longer.

"Oh, hey Toki, come 'ere 'n' tell us what he's sayin'. It's somthin' about you I think."

"You schould totally add schubtitles to thisch schit and we can play it on the big schreen at the release party."

"Yeah, maybe. But first I want to know if he calls me a dildo here."

"Wait, start it from the beginning, he's missed half o' it. I think you'll get a real kick out o' this, Toki."

Toki sincerely doubted that he would as he shuffled over to the table and took the phone silently from Pickles. He supposed this was all he was good for now, so obliged them as a translator. He recognised Pickle's bedroom immediately and furrowed his brow at this. He didn't enjoy the pathetic rolling around of the lead guitarist nearly as much as he should and just translated obediently.

" 'Nos. Piss offs. Why I here.'….. 'reallys.'…..'Reallys'…'I's not remember'… 'maybes' " Toki stopped at the sound of his name. The swede had said it so nonchalantly, like nothing had happened, but then he buried his face into the blanket. Toki kept watching:

[ - Huh? Whad was that?

_ - Arrg….He was being a dildo so I made him think Nathan was going to kick him out of the band for deleting my tracks. Arrg, that jump yesterday was just one fuck up after another._

- Ya know, ya probably should lay off tha lil' guy fer a while. He ain't got much left ta record anyway.

_- Fuuuuuck. Nathan starts recording today, doesn't he?_]

Toki stared open mouthed at the screen. He ignored his band mates and hit replay. He ignored his band mates' second prompting for a translation then hit replay again and skipped ahead:

_ [Arrg….He was being a dildo so I made him think Nathan was going to kick him out of the band for deleting my tracks. Arrg, that jump yesterday was just one fuck up after another.]_

He replayed this bit so many times and with such astonishment on his face that the others were now very curious as to what the swede had said.

"So is he calling me a dildo, or what?" Nathan asked for the fourth time.

"Nos." Toki tremored from his shaking lips.

"So…?"

He began crushing the Dethphone in his palm but then stopped when he realised he would need his hands after all.

"He asks if you ams recordings today. Dats all." Toki lied quietly. Everyone could see from Toki's face that this wasn't all.

"Well that'sch boring." Murderface commented. "I Schuppose it'sch still funny."

"Ams he still upstairs, den?" Toki asked Pickles with amazing calmness.

"Yeh. I don't see him movin' for a long while yet. Yer can't see it in tha video but he puked up everywhere."

"Oh." Toki handed the phone back to pickles as he tried to calm his adrenal glands. "Wells, someones hads better goes and takes care of de bigs baby." The rhythm guitarist did his best to leave the kitchen naturally but Pickles smiled behind his back. Toki was going up to play nursemaid, damn, the kid must have it bad.


	24. 7-2 Fairy Tale First

Chapter 7.2 Fairy tale first

Toki had no clue what he was going to do when he got up there. The correct etiquette was to beat the living shit out of the lying swede, hung over or not; He probably wouldn't even be able to fight back. This made Toki smile a very wicked smile. Toki was so enraged that he was perfectly calm and his blood ran as cold as the Lillehammer winter as he slipped into the half-light of Pickles's room.

A ray of sunshine cut through the heavy curtains and fell dreamily across the swede's back causing the dry parts of his hair to shine magnificently. The stark white of his skin contrasted perfectly with the dark sheets as he lay face down grasping the pillow under his head. His back rose and fell delicately as he slumbered and his features were soft and innocent. It was like a scene from a fairy tale (providing that fairy tale involved a pool of wish-granting vomit, which actually would be pretty metal) and Toki had to take an artist's step back for a moment and appreciate it. He leant against the dresser and lit a cigarette, watching the smoke curl in the beam of light as he centred himself in his Zen of anger.

Skwisgaar was beautiful. He had the sort of beauty that made poets hang themselves and painters burn all of their canvases; even after he had thrown up everywhere. The gods must have descended to earth and encased the shimmering radiance of a falling star into his very bones. No one denied him; he was loved, respected, adored, revered, fucking worshiped as the crimson idol. He couldn't even fathom how many teenage girls and boys had posters of him on their walls; Women wanted him and men wanted to be him.

Toki contemplated the swede as he smoked. How could a man of such splendour be filled with so much contempt? The man had no appreciation for the love shown to him, he just expected it. Toki, however, had never known such love. He had never been held aloft, had never been revered or adored. He was shunned by his village, punished by god through the hands of his father and had wandered the dark, invisible places of this world. Even now, Toki stood in the shadows while Skwisgaar was bathed in radiant light. The man who had been shown nothing but love his whole life, had none for anyone else.

Toki hated him.

Skwisgaar was roused by the smell of smoke and groaned slightly as he returned to the world of conscious beings. He curled up slightly as he rolled onto his side and startled himself by accidentally looking into the light.

_"Good Morning." _Toki said in a silky, deep, Disney villain, tone.

Skwisgaar blinked furiously at the direction of the voice. Then let his face fall back into the pillow.

_"Go away."_ He said plainly.

_"Did baby drink too much and then crawl in with Pickles, hmm?"_

_"Fuck off."_

_"I don't think you're in any position to take that tone with me." _

Skwisgaar poked one eye out from the pillow to look at the Norwegian in curious frustration. Toki took a few heavy steps over to the bed and blew smoke down in the swede's face. Skwisgaar made a low growling noise but was still too frail to do anything much else.

_"looks like that Ak-va-vit is some pretty powerful shit." _Toki spat the Swedish word mockingly,_ "Look at you. You're as weak as a kitten."_

_"Get out of here before I murder you."_ The swede replied blankly without moving anything other than his lips. Toki put his cigarette out in the ashtray beside the bed then leaned his face in close to the swede's.

_"I'd like to see you try."_ He said in a low voice and conveyed pure hatred into the other man's eye.

The rhythm guitarist's brashness sent a small internal panic coursing through Skwisgaar. He really couldn't fight anyone off at the moment, he couldn't even sit up. Toki crawled up onto the edge of the bed then took hold of the man's shoulder and forcibly rolled him onto his back. He then quickly leapt over the swede and straddled him, pinning him to the bed. Skwisgaar groaned indignantly and glared up at the face of the younger man staring maniacally back down at him.

_"Get off me."_

_"Don't you mean, 'get me off'? My, haven't you changed your tune."_

Skwisgaar's insides sloshed with guilt and aggravation. He did not like the expression on the other man's face and so reached up and loosely grabbed the blue shirt in front of him.

_"Toki, I'm warning you."_ He said in a vain effort to be menacing. Toki just began to laugh derisively and leaned into Skwisgaar's tug.

_"Oh god, look at you. You're so cute! You're like a little wolf cub, nipping around, trying to be like his daddy. But I suppose you wouldn't know about that, would you."_

This was too much for the lead guitarist and he mustered all the strength he had to try and throw the other man off him. Toki allowed himself to be pushed off and did an imitation of a wolf cub's play fighting by bounding around the bed, just to be insulting.

_"You fucking childish arsehole!"_ Skwisgaar said as he attempted to sit up.

_"Oh, I'm the childish arsehole! You fucking lie horribly to me, and __**I'm**__ the childish arsehole!"_

Skwisgaar fell back into the pillows with a hand to his forehead, _"Fuck." _He said flatly_, _caught out and utterly defeated.

_"There's a line you Swedish prick! There's a line and you fucking crossed it!"_

Skwisgaar looked into the hurt face of his band mate. Toki had a point… but so did he.

_"Well you crossed it first."_

_"What!?"_

_"That was __**my**__ music, I wrote it for me! I am the fastest guitarist alive and you thought you could get away with it? Fuck! You thought you could actually play it? I had to teach you a lesson."_

_"So you scare the fuck out of me? Make me think I'm going to be kicked out of the band?! You really are a shitty fucking teacher."_

Skwisgaar gave Toki a very odd stare. _"Is that what you're… ahh… upset about?_"

_"Of course it fucking is!" _Toki yelled as he knelt on all fours at the end of the bed. Skwisgaar laughed to himself. _"What the fuck is so god damn funny?"_ The Norwegian demanded.

_"You."_ He threw a mean smirk at the flustered young man and laughed again, _"You loved it, didn't you?"_

Toki blushed like a school girl for a second and then flushed red with rage. He ripped away the blankets and jarringly pinned the swede down by both shoulders, snarling down at him like the daddy wolf this time.

_"You think everyone fucking loves you, don't you?"_ Toki rasped through tightly gritted teeth. _"That everyone just wants to bend down and suck your god damn dick!"_ Toki's jugular was pumping hard and the veins in his biceps were starting to pop as he gripped the man below him tighter. Skwisgaar was now actually getting a bit concerned and tried to wriggle out of his grasp but Toki was pushing his entire body weight against him. _"Well guess what? I'm not like them."_ He rasped again then leant down next to Skwisgaar's head, lowering his voice into his ear, _"I'm special because I fucking __**hate**__ you."_ He clenched his teeth tighter.

Skwisgaar tried to push him off again but Toki responded by grabbing both his wrists and pushing them down hard into his fanned out hair, thus pinning him twice. The lead guitarist winced a little at his tugging hair and Toki scanned him up and down lecherously.

_"Ha, you look like a girl when you make that face._" Toki commented with a sadistic smirk.

_"Fuck you! No I don't!_" The lead guitarist gave a few more futile thrashes. Toki let out a loud maniacal laugh as he watched the blonde man squirm.

He gripped the wrists of the man below him tighter to the point where they might bruise; a beating wasn't enough this time, it didn't express enough of his hate. Seeing the guitar god like this, weak and pathetic, brought down to a level less than a man and squirming feverously under his grip, it triggered something primal inside him. The god of the guitar, the god of fuck, he was entirely at Toki's mercy….and Toki had none.

_"You know what? You already act like a damn girl, a slut at that. Maybe I should just treat you like one."_ Toki said then leaned down and bit firmly on Skwisgaar's neck. The swede let out a loud, involuntary moan and stopped his escape attempt.

_"See, you sound like one too."_ The Norwegian whispered hoarsely into his ear.

_"Fuck off. I'm not a fucking lady."_ The swede panted weakly. Toki nipped at his earlobe and he let out another small moan.

_"Yes you are."_ He whispered again and began working his way down the man's bare chest, _"You're my pretty lady." _He flicked his nipple with the tip of his tongue then nipped at it softly as the blonde man exhaled loudly. He came back up and bit down again on the blonde man's neck then he shifted his weight to press their bodies together. He gyrated himself between the older man's legs and Skwisgaar became hard beneath him. He released Skwisgaar's wrists and slid one hand under his torso, holding him tightly as the other cradled his head. The lead guitarist lay there weak and submissive as he limply ran his hands under the brunette's shirt. Toki rubbed their growing erections together and the blonde moaned as he slid his hand down into Skwisgaar's waistband and gripped his small, bony buttock.

Skwisgaar pushed up into Toki who bit down harder on the swede making him groan very vocally. The blonde man didn't think he could feel this horny and this sick at the same time. It was some weird, ironic twist he didn't know existed. The weirder and more ironic twist is that he was pretty sure he was getting off on Toki overpowering him. That was fucked.

Toki lifted himself up and pulled off his shirt. Skwisgaar drank in the sight and realised in that moment that Toki could have easily won all the fights they had gotten into and wondered a little why he hadn't. Toki ran both his hands down the swede's torso, roughly squeezing his nipples on the way down. He then undid Skwisgaar's dark denim jeans and slid them off quickly.

He noticed the clear bottle on the bedside table and was thankful he wouldn't have to rummage through a draw full of needles to find it. Toki then ripped off his own jeans and looked down at Skwisgaar; he was past the point of calling a feint. With Skwisgaar's glassy eyes, his parted full lips, his hands laying palms up next to his head and his spun gold hair strewn messily about the pillows, he really did look like some groupie slut.

The lead guitarist wasn't fighting back and that made Toki want to rip chunks out of him. He was going to take all his hate out on this man, all the pain he had caused him. If Skwisgaar wasn't going to give up his love then Toki was going to tear it from him. The brunette fell forward aggressively onto his palms and his brown hair fell like a curtain as he leaned in towards the other man's face.

_"Now I'm going to teach you a fucking lesson."_ He growled as he stared down the lead guitarist in total domination.

Skwisgaar recoiled into the pillow. That was the same face that was covered in blood and gutter stomping the straight edge. This was different though, this was focused rage, it was pin point brutality. Skwisgaar bit his lip.

Toki grabbed the bottle of lubricant from the night stand and squeezed out a liberal amount of the cool gel onto his fingers. He then leaned down and nipped at the lead guitarist's erect nipples as he not so gently probed at his entrance. He roughly moved around his fingers, twisting and parting them, coating the entire area. He then slicked himself, stoking a few times before taking up the position over the lead guitarist.

This was it. This was him finally getting the swede to look at him, to recognise him, to feel his hate. To have the love forced out of him.

He bit down hard on the blonde man's chest as he guided himself into his heat. Skwisgaar cried out and Toki held a hand over his mouth as he swore loudly. He clawed at Toki's back before he forced himself to relax in an attempt at damage control. Toki brought his arms under both of Skwisgaar's shoulders, holding him tightly and nipping his collar bone as he inched himself slowly inside him.

The pain made Skwisgaar feel sick and he thought he might throw up again but there was nothing left in the tall man's body. He swore again but Toki just pushed further into him. "_Just relax._" He told himself, "_Relax and let him in, you know what you're doing even if he doesn't, you're a sex god after all_". He carded the brunette hair with his long fingers and the man on top of him squeezed his ribs tighter.

Toki began slowly moving back and forth more for the purposes of gauging his own feeling than as a courtesy to his partner. He wanted to penetrate as much of this man as he could and so went further inside with each stoke until he was thrusting up to the hilt. Skwisgaar scrunched up his features and threw his head back, swearing, panting and moaning with each movement as the line between pain and pleasure blurred and bled into one another. Toki brought himself up to his palms and the blonde man held his arms loosely around the brunette's neck. The morning light accentuated every shadow on the Norwegian's body and his abdominals writhed rhythmically as he drove slow, deep and strong into the lead guitarist.

Skwisgaar's hands fell away and he gripped a tanned shoulder while he placed the other arm over his eyes. The swede continued to pant, moan and swear in that position as Toki quickened his pace. The rhythm guitarist straightened up and clasped both of Skwisgaar's hip bones as he thrust hard and in earnest. Skwisgaar's free hand twisted a handful of the sheets as he winced and groaned in time with the Norwegian's movements. Toki was brought up to the edge and grabbed both the guitarist's wrists, pushing them into the bed at arm's length and forcing the swede to look at him.

Toki stared hatred down into the other man's face but the deep blue eyes staring back into his were mournful and apologetic. It was something Toki had never seen in Skwisgaar's eyes before and it was something close to humility, submission, maybe even fear but wasn't quite any of these. Then he saw it; vulnerability. He had fucked right through Skwisgaar's wall and was staring through a little rip in his cloak of bullshit straight into his soul. This is what Toki had coveted.

Toki dropped his head to the snow white chest and swore loudly as he emptied himself, body and soul, into his lover. Toki removed himself and then fell entirely onto the man below him, breathing heavily (his balls actually hurt from that one). He flushed cold as his sweat began to evaporate and he could feel the little bit of heat from the sunbeam falling across his shoulders. Skwisgaar stroked his hair and he looked up. The blonde Adonis awkwardly brought himself up on his elbow then leaned in and kissed the rhythm guitarist tenderly in the ray of sunshine.

Damn it.

Toki leaned into it and pushed Skwisgaar back down onto the pillow kissing him passionately. He broke away still breathing heavily and looked deep into Skwisgaar's eyes.

_"God, I hate you."_ Toki whispered, still panting.

"_Pfft, you wish."_ The blonde said back in an arrogant tone, throwing in a pout for good measure.

Toki's brow furrowed then he brought himself up on his palms. The lead guitarist arched an arrogant eyebrow up at him and Toki's lip began to snarl. He closed his eyes and turned away from the other man's face before he slammed the side of his fist into the head board. Toki rolled off his partner and out of the bed, slipping on his pair of jeans. He ran his hand through his hair as he looked back at the man on the bed; Skwisgaar was leaning back, clutching his pillow behind his head with the blanket drawn up over his hips and pouting like a pin up model with that damn sunlight illuminating his bare chest.

Toki lit a cigarette in his shaking hands and searched for something to do or to say. The corner of Skwisgaar's pout moved infinitesimally higher with every passing second as he held his pose.

_"Fuck you."_ Toki blurted out, determined to have the last word no matter how poor it was. Skwisgaar raised an eyebrow to highlight Toki's ironic choice of insult.

The rhythm guitarist realised his faux pas and so clenched his teeth and stormed out of the room defeated and half naked.

Once he knew Toki was out of the room, Skwisgaar allowed the grimace he had been holding back to wash over his face. He rolled onto his side and balled himself up in discomfort. Gods, now he had two reasons he couldn't get out of bed.


	25. 7-3 Toki's Demons

Chapter 7.3 Toki's demons

Toki let the water wash over him in the shower as he punched the tiled wall for the fifth time. That bastard. That fucking damn Swedish bastard! You couldn't even hate-fuck the man! He **made** you fucking love him.

"_I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…"_ Toki used this as a mantra as he punched the wall at half strength.

_The bastard had just used you._

"…_I hate you, I __**hate**__ you, I __**hate**__ you, I __**hate**__ you…"_

_Even on the couch, that was only for himself._

"…_I __**hate**__ you, I HATE you, I HATE you, I HATE you …"_

_He took advantage of you in the studio._

"…_I HATE you, I __**HATE**__ you, I __**HATE**__ you, I __**HATE**__ you…"_

_Like you just did to him._

**_"ARRRRRRGGGGGG! I FUCKING HATE YOU!" _**

Toki held both fists against the wall as the water ran down through his hair. He watched it curl off the ends and away down the drain as his breathing became erratic and shallow.

That bastard. That fucking horrible, manipulative, arrogant, beautiful bastard. Why the fuck did Skwisgaar do this to him? The swede had picked him up from the depths of despair only to kick him back down into it. Is this what he got off on? Did it make him feel good to play the hero? Did he get a kick out of seeing poor little messed up Toki brought low by his own demons? The same way…fuck…the same way he loved to see Skwisgaar brought low.

Toki slammed his back into the wall a few times before he slid down and crumpled up on the tiled floor of the shower. He put his head in his hands and watched the water trickle down and off his body.

What the fuck was wrong with him? None of this was right, NONE of these feelings were right. Skwisgaar was his band mate, his house mate, not quite his countryman but damn close enough and his friend. Were they even friends? Where did that line blur? When did that line blur?

P_robably when he had his hand around your cock… or maybe when you had your mouth around his._

**_"AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG!"_** He scrunched up his fingers and pulled at his own drenched hair.

He'd had the teachings of God beaten into him, literally beaten into him; 'Do not lay with a man as one lays with a woman…', 'Never shall the defilers enter the kingdom of Heaven…', 'Give up your guests, Lot, so that we may know them…' What had he done? He was no better than the wicked men of Sodom. He had ravaged an angel and now the vengeful hand of God would come and rain fire over Mordhaus. How could he have strayed so far from the path?

He laughed a desperate laugh to himself.

Strayed so far? What about all the other shit he had done? He was in the biggest death metal band in the world, how could he stray much farther, primarily since he no longer believed?! Well, it looked like he had found a way. If his father weren't already dead, this would probably kill him.

He tugged at his hair harder.

His father. His fucking father. Why did he have to have that motherfucker in his head that night? Why couldn't he have just been a little bit more drunk and not given a shit? Why the fuck did Skwisgaar have to make that smug fucking face at him?! Especially after… after being… after being so fucking good to him!

He leaned back and stared up at the showerhead.

Obligation. That was it, just obligation; Obligation to the band in conjunction with being a horn-dog. He didn't really give a fuck about him, all he cared about was his fucking guitar, his music. Toki didn't even write anything so how could he think he was important to the band, to anyone? He wasn't a shining guitar god destined to walk this world with the light of a blazing star. Skwisgaar was right, how dare he try to play his music. Each note the man played rang out his life force, it was a vent for his boiling soul, his first and only love.

How could he have thought that driving his dick into him would bring him down to his level; that it would make Skwisgaar look at him? The man was impenetrable even when you were fucking penetrating him! Toki had desperately ripped at the one loose scale over the dragon's heart but had glimpsed at it only because he had been allowed. That kiss had only been to further Skwisgaar's whimsy. A tool used to twist it all back on himself, as if he had been in control the entire time. That fucking bastard, he had been, hadn't he? He had built Toki up just to watch him fall twice as hard. What a sadistic prick.

Toki lifted himself off the floor and turned off the tap. He held there for a while and stared blankly at the wall as the last of the water ran off him.

Who was really the sadistic prick? Toki had loved being on top of him, holding him down and smothering Skwisgaar in shadow. He had loved his futile attempts at escape and the slew of curses as he drove his hate into him. He had loved those long, powerful fingers desperately crushing into his shoulder, his indecent expressions and moaning breath; even his sickly sent. He had loved every part of hating that man.

He reached for a towel and dried himself poorly before he went to rummage around in his wardrobe for fresh clothes. He dried the rest of his hair in the towel as he walked around his room. This was all too natural, all too normal. He sat on his bed and clasped his hands tightly together as the helix of guilt and remorse wound tighter and tighter inside his chest. Eventually it snapped and Toki grabbed his bed side lamp and smashed it. The sound was intoxicating. He tore the pictures off the wall and smashed all their frames. He screamed raw rage as he picked up his desk chair and hurled it against the wall. He watched the model planes suspended from the ceiling break open like piñatas as he threw random objects and multilingual abuse at them. He ripped off the bed sheets and threw them at the door.

He looked over at his guitar in the corner; this was all its fault. If he had just obeyed his father all those years ago and had never picked up the damn thing in the first place none of this would have happened. None of these feelings would be nested in his sinful chest. He grabbed the neck of his Flying V, positioned it over his shoulder and then brought it down like an axe. The instrument cracked and splintered as it connected with the stone floor and the strings twanged as they snapped and sprang up, scratching at Toki's chest and arms. He stood there panting with the mangled neck of the guitar in his hands for a long while.

He then collapsed on the pile of carnage and burst into tears. He rolled in the broken glass, splintered wood and other random shrapnel as he wailed uncontrollably. When he removed his hands from his face he noticed the small shape under his bed. Toki reached out and grabbed the dusty pencil tin then sat up and leaned against his bed as he opened it.

Inside was the long, thin, four strand plait he had shut away so long ago. He threaded it through his fingers a few times as his jaggered breathing jolted his whole body. He then twisted it around both index fingers and held it like a strap as he bowed his head down onto its tension.

Just then, there was a knock at the door and Murderface entered without asking. "Hey Toki! I got a great idea... for…" he stopped and surveyed the wreckage of a room. Toki didn't look up at him, instead he continued with his vain attempt at breathing. "Holy schit, dude." Was the only comment Murderface had. He looked down at Toki and sighed when he noticed the myriad of small, fresh cuts on his face and arms. The bassist's first instinct was to close the door and pretend he hadn't seen anything but, for all his misgivings, he managed to walk through the door before closing it.

He sat down next to Toki, lit a pair of cigarettes and passed one over. Toki accepted it with his shaking hand and it helped to regulate his breathing as they sat there together and smoked in silence. Whatever was on that video had really fucked Toki up, Murderface thought. He tested a few different sentences in his head before he picked one.

"Don't let that asschole get to you." He said plainly. Toki had a slight pause in motion but said nothing in reply. "It takesch a conscious-ch effort, I know, but don't let that blonde prick get inschide your head." He picked up part of the broken guitar and studied it, "He'sch not worth it, Toki." The rhythm guitarist still didn't reply but nodded slightly in recognition.

Murderface stood up and looked around with his hand on his chin. "I like what you've done witsch the place, though. Very _Avant-Garde._" Toki gave a nervous little laugh (more at the ridiculous way Murderface pronounced avant-garde than at the actual joke) and Murderface gave a little smile back. "Come on, let'sch patch you up then get some popschicles. I got a great idea for the schecond bridge. We're gunna blow those fuckers away with this song!"

He extended his hand to the Norwegian and clasped the shaking, grazed palm in his own before pulling Toki to his feet.


	26. 7-4 After Glow

Chapter 7.4 After Glow

Skwisgaar lay there, a sore and sticky mess. He rolled out of the light that was following him across the bed as the morning passed, closed his eyes and hugged one of the pillows tighter to him. That stupid prick of a Norwegian; maybe Skwisgaar had crossed the line but this reaction was overkill.

The swede sighed internally. He had started it, though; he always started it. He just loved to see Toki riled up, it was so damn easy but the lack of a challenge didn't make it any less appealing. He smiled to weakly himself. It was kind of good to have seen Toki like that, though; to see the young Norwegian, well, stand up for himself. Not that Skwisgaar had put up much of a fight.

That's all this had been after all, a fight. This was just an extension to the punch ups and wrestling matches they already had when they were angry with each other. The blonde man understood the concept of fucking someone in anger, although he couldn't recall a situation where he had actually been angry with the person below him. For many years now it had just been another faceless whore who would occasionally cop the brunt of his frustrations. In the past, jealous women had tried to do it to him thinking they were special but he had managed to change the hearts of each and every one of them (and then once again by kicking them the hell out of his bed).

Toki's little attempt at a power play had been thwarted too. Lovers were so easy to manipulate, all it took was a little affection. Just that little bit of validation and he had fallen in line and danced to the same tune as everyone else. Skwisgaar was a bit disappointed at his victory and he couldn't quite figure out why. Everyone fell at his feet and into his bed, it was normal and familiar but he hadn't wanted that from Toki, even though he had specifically engineered it to be so.

The weird thing was, Skwisgaar liked fighting with the Norwegian. He liked to argue with him and tease him, he liked it when Toki got mad at him. Even when they got into physical fights, he somehow felt closer to him afterwards, like they understood one another just that little bit more, like they had forged another small link between them in some subterranean space.

However, he didn't like to see Toki upset by anything other than him. Not understanding why the Norwegian was angry, sad or anxious made Skwisgaar very uncomfortable. It crossed over from their private tug-of-war to the outside world, to the real world. The few times Toki's demons had reared their ugly heads they had utterly shredded the force field of conceit Skwisgaar surrounded himself with and this had frightened him.

Toki could bring down his wall; he **had** brought down his wall, that's why it had hurt so much. Skwisgaarhad attempted to seal the wound with his guitar. He had used music to flush out the poison, to extract the Norwegian from his veins and rebuild his wall, brick by brick. He had played until he was exhausted but the feeling wouldn't leave him, so with chemical help, he had forced himself to continue. He had licked furiously at the strings but they never became hot enough to cauterise his punctured heart.

He poured out his hate and his hurt into those riffs. Each solo was a series of stiches mending the fabric of his tattered ego… and that little fucker had attempted to play them. He had smeared the wet paint of Skwisgaar's soul and inflamed the wound again. That music wasn't created for Toki, it had been created BECAUSE of Toki! If he wanted to be that close to Skwisgaar then why had he recoiled from him? So, drunk and brooding, Skwisgaar had decided to show him what it was to be close to him; to feel his hate. He had added in the head fuck just to be malicious and maintain his dominance.

So why had he found his belligerence … soothing? Especially since it had been so unnerving until ...

Skwisgaar sniggered at himself,

… until Toki's teeth had hit his neck. So it wasn't just Toki who danced?

He took another small sip of water. By rights he should have been in the hospital wing on an IV drip. He rolled onto his side again and tried to trace it all back.

It was that straight edge. He had never seen Toki lose it like that before and it had scared him. Not just a fright or an irrational fear; It had change Skwisgaar on the inside, changed his view of the world and of Toki. It was similar to the way he had changed after their first album:

Skwisgaar had always used his guitar to express himself but it had been just another reflection of his arrogance. It was a just way to display his brilliance and another reason for people to love him. He had believed he had reached a point of technical purity, his precision was unmatched and his music was as pure as the driven snow so he had taken to wearing all white as a personal symbol of reaching Nirvana.

The five of them had been at some bar down town where the bar tender had taken one look at Nathan and decided he didn't care that Toki was only nineteen. They were still riding the high of the success of their first album and the royalty cheques had begun to flow. Skwisgaar and Pickles had been talking for a while now;

"Skwisgaar, I'm not sayin' somethin' like you're nawt a feckin' amazin' guitarist…"

"Dats 'cause I ams."

"Yeh, ya are, but it's jus' that we gotta start really defining our sound as Dethklok."

"What's you mean by dats? We haves de sound. We makes de record and now we drunks because of how well it ams doing."

"Yeh, I know, but tha first album is always a bit of a tester 'n', well, how can I put this?" The red head took a long swig of his beer as he thought. "Ye've played in a lot o' bands, haven't ya?"

"Ha ha, ja! Fuckings lot!" Skwisgaar laughed like each band was a notch on his bed post.

"Well, I'm nawt tryin' ta be rude or wadever but yer can sort o' tell."

Skwisgaar lost his happy expression. "Whats you mean?" he asked defensively.

"Well, when I was in Snakes'N'Barrels…" Pickles stared and Skwisgaar took a large gulp of beer in preparation for yet another SNB reminiscence "The music suited me ta begin with then I kinda felt I was jus' goin' through tha motions. I thought I got to express myself but as ya change the music's gotta change too or ya…" The drummer stopped when he noticed the bored face of the swede as he rested his head in one hand. "…or ya end up like you right now." He said in an annoyed voice.

"Whats de hells?! What ams dat supposed to means!" Skwisgaar said loudly and slammed his beer down on the bar. The others looked over.

"Ah, fuck." The drummer didn't quite know how to broach this subject with a touchy guy like Skwisgaar. He was only twenty two and insanely talented so of course he couldn't take any criticism. "Look, I'll just come right out an' say it then. Ya sound the same on our album as ye have on all ye others."

Everyone went silent. The lead guitarist narrowed his eyes.

"So whats? I de bests. I already proves dat so you knows it yourselves."

"God! Will ya stop bein' so damn defensive! It's got nothin' ta do with how good ya are! If anythin' yer technically better than ever! I'm tryin' ta tell ya ta nawt… fuck! I dunno." Pickles trailed off into his beer.

"Nos, you fucking tells me!" Skwisgaar was getting pissed off.

"Arrg, what I'm tryin' ta say is don't play fer other people, play fer yourself, play what's inside you."

Skwisgaar was disarmed by this; he had been gearing up for a fight. "Whats….whats you mean wit dat?" he said much more calmly. This is where Nathan joined the conversation.

"He means we're Dethklok and we're the most brutal band in the world. We're not out to please. Everything we do is dark and brutal and filled with hatred, so that means we have to be as well." Nathan spouted like a mission statement then finished his beer.

"Yeh! That's what I'm tryin' ta say! Thanks Nathan. Yeh, you gotta find yer hate 'n' let that play out. That's our sound. That's what it means ta be a part o' Dethklok. Yer gotta hate." The drummer finished content that he had gotten his point across. He ordered another round of beers.

Skwisgaar didn't move for a while as he tried to tackle with this pseudo criticism. He respected Pickles on a musical and personal level but this stemmed mostly from the red head's admiration of his skill. He glanced over at Toki three seats down. What about the kid? The swede had admitted him into the band based purely on technical ability. Where was Toki's 'brutality' talk? The swede had his first pang of resentment towards the Norwegian as the teenager giggled and went off with the front man to play pinball in another room. Murderface moved up and sat next to pickles.

The two rough looking men at the other end of the corner bar had been pointing mockingly at the musicians all night. They had also been talking loudly and crudely about how the one in the trucker cap had left his pregnant girlfriend. "If she thinks I'm goin' to help her raise that fucking kid she's got another thing coming! I ain't gunna give her one thin dime neither!"

"Serves her fucking right!" The other one said, "She can feed the fucking thing off the scraps from that shit-hole diner she works at."

Skwisgaar overheard their conversation and unconsciously gripped his drink a little tighter.

"God, whad fuckin' assholes." Pickles said to Skwisgaar but loud enough for the two men to hear. Murderface made a loud murmur of agreement.

"Ja, I knows." Skwisgaar agreed with tense, hunched shoulders.

"You ladies got a problem over there?" The one in the trucker cap said, sneering at the musicians. Skwisgaar was drunk enough to bite at his pet hate insult.

"Ja, you guys ams fucking dildos."

"What did you just call me you long haired, foreign asshole?" The man said standing up and pushing back his shoulders.

"Maybe you nots speaks de English! I says you ams a fucking dildo!" Skwisgaar said a louder and more clearly. The man in the cap walked around the bar and up to the swede.

"You wanna go, princess?" The man said, trying to stare the blonde man down.

Skwisgaar swivelled on his stool then rose to his full height. He smirked at the look of regret on the face in front of him as he wrapped his tendril digits around the neck of his beer bottle.

"Ja. I dos." He said and smashed the bottle against the man's skull.

Blood sprayed all over him as the trucker cap went flying off and landed half way on the other side of the bar. The man fell back into a table and Skwisgaar immediately pounced on him, grabbing the front of his jacket and head butting him hard on the nose. More blood sprayed the swede as the man coughed and swore.

"Oh shit." Pickles said when he saw the man's drinking companion run over. The initial shock had worn off and he and Murderface jumped in to help. The young bartender just hid out of sight and the other patrons had all either backed up or run off as the two men and three musicians brawled around the room. It all ended as quickly as it had begun when Nathan powered up and knocked both of the dildos out cold. He looked at the other three panting band members and was about to ask what the fuck that had been about when Skwisgaar turned around.

Nathan was completely silent for a moment and enjoyed the vision like a fine cheese. Skwisgaar's pure white clothes where splattered in crimson blood. He looked like a polar bear on its tenth seal cub, like a dove ripped apart by a hawk, like the serial killer from every B grade horror movie ever made. He had split his eyebrow and the trickle ran down the side of his face and dripped off his jaw onto his heaving chest. Nathan shuddered slightly.

"Wow. You look fucking brutal, Skwisgaar." He had to validate his vision with words and everyone looked over at the swede.

"This is nawt…. what I fuckin'….. meant!" Pickles rasped between breaths.

"Well, be more clear! He'sch fucking foreign, remember?" Murderface huffed; he hadn't gotten quite as involved as Pickles in the skirmish.

Toki was hiding behind the front man but poked his head around the behemoth to view the situation.

_ "__SHIT! Skwisgaar, you're bleeding!"_ Toki burst out with and side stepped around Nathan as he pulled off his shirt.

_ "__Huh? Ja, probably."_ Skwisgaar said and gave Toki a questioning look.

_ "__No! Your fucking hand!"_ Toki replied in a panicked voice as he began tearing his T-shirt into strips. The swede held up his throbbing, oozing hand; the bottle had sliced it right open. Panic washed the faces of the other band mates as Skwisgaar stood there in shock, watching it bleed freely. Toki grabbed his hand and bound it tightly in an expert fashion.

Pickles spent the entire car ride back home to their shitty suburban house reprimanding Skwisgaar for his injury. Nathan kept stealing glances in the rear view mirror of the swede sitting in the back seat; he couldn't help it. Toki made reassuring comments in his native tongue and Murderface just sat there sulkily (no one cared this much when **he** cut himself up). The swede was still in shock and said nothing to anyone. Pickles called Charles the moment they got home and a half an hour later the swede was being stitched up at their kitchen table by some Mob doctor.

The proceeding healing time had driven Skwisgaar insane. He moped around the house, cursing under his breath and kicking things for almost three weeks. At one point he had even asked Toki to play for him just to hear the sound but it had been about as much use as a Porno verses the real thing. He was convinced that he would never be able to play as well as before, so in a particularly strong episode of self-loathing, he had grabbed all of his crisp, white clothes and dyed them black. Nathan had approved.

When Skwisgaar finally could play again he had played for a week straight. He released all of his pent up anxiety about being separated from his instrument, he released all the anger he had for himself and his surroundings, his deep emotional anguish, his fear and stress. He played for no one but himself and for his own desire and purpose.

One evening, when they were all sitting around watching television, Pickles smiled his crooked smile over at Skwisgaar as he plucked away mindlessly.

"So it only took nearly losin' yer career to finally understand what I was getting' at?" The red head asked. Skwisgaar gave him a sour look before replying.

"Ja, I tinks I gets it now."

"Well it sounds great! I'm really startin' to hear the hate behind it."

"Ja. I hateds not beings able tos play, so nows dat I cans, I guess I tells dat story in de musics." He leaned back into the sofa and ran through some scales just for joy of movement.

"Hates ams really personals den." Toki piped up from the other end of the couch and Skwisgaar arched an inquisitive eyebrow at him. "I just means dat, well, you an amazings guitarist already but dis, um, wells…" The rhythm guitarist looked down in thought.

"Dis ams what, little Toki?" Skwisgaar asked. Toki didn't much care for being called 'little'.

"I just means dat dis sounds more like you. Whats you really are, nots what you wants people to tinks you are." Toki finished a bit more strongly.

"You see? The kid gets it." Nathan said and leaned over to tussle Toki's shoulder length hair. Skwisgaar scoffed and turned back to the television. So this was hate? This was the sound of Dethklok? Interesting. He was glad he had stuck around after all.

Skwisgaar finally managed to sit up and lit a cigarette. It made him feel sick but he sat there and smoked it anyway as he mused.

Hate was the most pure form of a persons' soul; it was where the true you lay. People liked lots of things but what you didn't like said much more about you. People usually had lots of friends but only a few choice enemies. What you hated defined you as a person because of the intensity of feeling and specific focus. Hate actually meant something.

That's when it stuck him. Toki's aggression had been calming because it was focus on him. He had been able to help Toki vent, to heal, to express his hatred. Even though the majority of it was now dotted about under the sheets, Toki had poured a little of his soul into Skwisgaar and Skwisgaar had completely undermined him. He had failed him as his band lover (well, apart from the obvious and he winced as he put out his cigarette).

The lead guitarist rolled his way to the edge of the bed and found his clothes. He groaned as he gingerly stood up; being a vessel for hatred had taken its toll. He rummaged around for the last of his things when he found Toki's shirt hiding in the sheets. He smiled warmly to himself as he wrapped the dark blue fabric tightly around his faded scar. Toki's hate was too pure and precious for anyone else to have and too wild and strong for anyone else to tame; it was up to Skwisgaar.


	27. 8-0 Trapped

Chapter 8.0 Trapped

"Do it better, Toki. Take ninty-six." Nathan said as the rhythm guitarist stood obediently in the isolation booth. He took a deep breath and tried again only to make the same mistake he had made on the last twenty takes.

"Ins de fuckings name of Ohdin! Does I have to comes in dere and dos it for you!" Skwisgaar screamed into the talk-back microphone.

Toki looked down just so he didn't have to look at his band mates, especially the swede. Since the incident, he had managed to keep his eye contact with the Lead guitarist to an absolute minimum which usually only incited more screaming as the blonde man countered the lack of attention.

"Feckin' calm down Skwisgaar! Yer not helpin'!" Pickles interjected. He had been trying to maintain some level of civility between the two guitarists but his own patience had been worn down thinner than his hair.

"How about we all just take five on the screaming?" Dick Knubbler said, attempting to put a lid on the simmering pot that had been the recording studio for the last week.

"We amn'st gots time for dis! Just lets me fucking dos it!"

"Back off you damn asschole! You're not the only guitarist in thisch band!" Murderface jumped at any chance he could to take a swipe at the other band members after their rejection of 'Takin' it easy'.

"Ja? Well maybes I shoulds be."

"Don't schtart that schit again!"

"Toki? Babe?" Knubbler spoke into the microphone, "Just run through that bit on your own a few times and then we'll roll when you're ready, ok?" He turned off the microphone and sighed; they had been doing this for almost three and a half hours.

The swede turned his back to the isolation booth and leaned on the lip of the sound board. He had a flash back of the last time he had stood in this exact spot and closed his eyes as the guilty memory pricked at his consciousness. He shook his head to clear it.

"Why do you have to be schuch an asschole to him all the time!? Don't schake your fucking head!" Murderface began ranting, the swede looked up at him with an exhausted expression. "He'sch a fucking good guitarischt!"

"Pfft." Skwisgaar scoffed. Murderface went red with anger.

"You juscht think you're the fuckin' KING, don't you?! King of the Guitar!"

"God."

"What wasch that?!"

"God of de Guitar. Gets it right."

Murderface was so angry he went silent, which was rare, so this left a space in the heated word fray for Pickles.

"Will you two fuckin' knock it off! Jus' let Toki do his bit! It don't matter if it takes all day 'cause we only got this an' that final drum run through fer 'Burning Black Piss' an' we're done!" Pickles said. Murderface grunted some form of aggravated appreciation at the drummer.

Knubbler sighed again and turned the microphone back on. "Toki? You ready to go on this one?" He said just to keep some form of progress happening. Toki nodded weakly. "Ok, go! Rolling!" Toki went through and made the same mistake again. The swede rubbed his eyes and let out a slew of frustrated curses under his breath in his native language which made the front man glare at him.

"Dat ams it." The Swede said and began walking to the door of the isolation booth.

"Dood, jus' let him do it!" Pickles called after him.

"Yeah! You damn control freak!" Murderface added.

"I'm with Skwisgaar on this one." Knubbler sighed and everyone looked at him. "What with post production and other work we need to do, we just really don't have time anymore."

Skwisgaar entered the isolation booth but Toki didn't move, he just stood there with his head down and his fingers paused on the offending note. Skwisgaar's heart ached a little at the sight but sense of duty and now very thin patience overrode it. "Gives to me your guitar." He said. Toki remained still for a moment before he silently slipped out of his guitar, still refusing to look at the lead guitarist, and handed it over without a fight. Skwisgaar didn't like this.

"Waits." He sighed. "Heres, haves it back." Toki didn't take it, instead he started shuffling out of the booth which just served to infuriate the swede further. "Toki, don'ts be likes dis. Toki!" The blonde couldn't take this anymore, being flatly ignored punched a button of his. _ "**Fucking look at me!**"_ He demanded in his mother-tongue and the Norwegian stopped dead in his tracks.

"HEY!" Nathan's reprimanding voice came over the speakers; Skwisgaar just flipped off the front man's general direction and continued to glare into the back of Toki's head.

_"For fuck's sake! Will you quit being such a fucking baby and come back over here?"_ Toki didn't turn around nor raise his head. The blonde swore again and let the weight of the guitar drop in his hand as he pinched the bridge of his nose with the other.

"Skwisgaar, I'm serious." The vocalist growled.

"Fucks off Nat'an._ Look, if I have to listen to this for the rest of the day I think I'd actually vomit. We're so close to completion, so by Thor's BULGING BALLSACK, get over here so I can fix you and we can get this done!"_

"Dude, Seriously, fucking thin ice."

"Pfft, you tinks you know ice?" Skwisgaar snapped and glared at the Floridian but the look Nathan returned made the swede revert to English. He turned back to the still stationary rhythm guitarist, "Toki, just gets over here." He said to the back of his head.

Toki stole a glance at Nathan's impatience, then turned around and shuffled back towards the swede. He accepted the guitar, still without looking at him, and awaited instruction.

"Ok, nows run t'rough dat bit agains." Skwisgaar requested and watched the other guitarist's finger work intensely. "Ok, I sees. You dos dat differents dan me. Here, does dis insteads." The Swede came around Toki and stood behind him. He then brought his arms around the Younger man, placed his large, thin hands over Toki's and guided him through a more efficient movement over the frets. He repeated this a few times and became aware of how comfortable pressing into the Norwegian's back was, even if the other body was tense.

More voices came over the speakers.

"Picklesch, that phone of yoursch is going to get you in trouble!" Murderface reprimanded the drummer for taking photos of the Scandinavians.

"What? It's one for tha scrap book." The red head defended.

_"Why are you doing this?"_ Toki asked the blonde meekly, Nathan growled a little.

_"Because I know you can do it."_ Skwisgaar spoke in a quiet but clinical tone of voice as they repeated the movement.

_"I can't."_

_"I wrote it for you, Toki, so I know for a fact that you can."_ He took his hands away and Toki continued to practice on his own. "_You see?_ Heys Knubbler, starts record."

"OK, babe, from the top. Go!" Knubbler instructed and Toki started over only to make the exact same mistake. Skwisgaar pinched the bridge of his nose again and counted back from ten in his head in every language he knew and one he made up on the spot.

_"_Again. Trys it again_."_ Skwisgaar commanded monotonically.

_"I can't do it."_

_"Ja, you can. _Nowtrys it again_."_ He pointed at Knubbler to indicate he should begin recording.

"Go, rolling." Knubbler's voice came over the speakers.

Toki made the same mistake.

_"_Again."

_"Skwisgaar…" _

"AGAIN!" The swede yelled and pointed in Knubbler's direction.

"Rolling."

This time Toki stopped just before he made the same mistake again and Skwisgaar looked up at him in frustration.

_"I can't do it, I just can't." _He said weakly as he slipped out of his guitar.

_"Ja, you can."_

_"No, I can't. I'm… I'm not you."_

_"Ja, you're not me."_ Skwisgaar said in an annoyed voice, _"You haven't written every rhythm guitar part for every damn Dethklok song ever released!"_

_"Yeah, I know." _Toki said weakly as he stood there with his head bowed so low his hair fell forward and covered his face. He then held out the instrument, surrendering it to the swede.

_"Fucking Hel's tits, Toki!"_ Skwisgaar yelled and threw his hands up.

"I mean it!" Nathan warned, "I'll kick the pair of you out of there in a fucking moment and have Pickles do it!".

"Whad? I can't play that!" Pickles complained in the background.

Skwisgaar stood there with a hand up to Nathan and the other to his brow, damn he needed a cigarette. _"My point is, if you can play every other part I've written for you then you can play this."_ He said very clearly and pointedly. "_It's only a little bit harder than the other stuff._"

_"Well I can't play it."_

_"You were just before."_

_"I just fucking can't!" _Toki snapped and finally looked up into Skwisgaar's face.

/

Knubbler switched off the talk back microphone and play back from the booth. He then turned to a fuming Nathan who was watching the two Scandinavians have a very animated and muffled screaming match on the other side of the glass. "Just let them get it out of their systems, OK Nathan?" Nathan glared at Knubbler and grunted before walking over to the other side of the studio while the fight in the isolation booth escalated.

_\_

_"Well if you ever picked up your fucking guitar outside of this room maybe you could!"_ Skwisgaar screamed back.

_"Fuck you, I come to rehearsal!"_

_"Ja, and I have to pick up your slack there too!"_

_"You did this on purpose, didn't you?! You just love seeing me fuck up!"_

_"I don't have to do anything, you do it yourself! You don't even want to be good at guitar, do you?"_

_"Don't you ever think about anything other than your fucking guitar playing?!"_

_"Ja! Of course!"_

_"Like what?!"_

_"Like how shit everyone else's guitar playing is **compared** to me!"_

_"You are such a fucking dildo! I can't believe I…"_ Toki stopped with the loud thud that came from the other side of the door of the isolation booth. Nathan had walked over to the other side of the studio, picked up one of the heavy food tables and slammed it down outside the door to trap the two guitarists inside.

"There! Cage match!" Nathan said into the talk-back microphone when he came back around to the sound board.

"What de fucks, Nathan?!" Toki's muffled voice came through the glass as he banged on it.

"What, now English is good enough for you? I fucking warned you guys. If you fuckers are going to fight then we're at least going to get some god damn entertainment out of it!" Nathan said and turned off the microphone.

/

"Well that's lunch then. Gawd, I need a drink." Pickles commented to the room at large and flagged down a passing Klokateer.

\

The two Scandinavians were embarrassed to be on display and so just stood in silence for a while with their arms folded and backs turned to one another.

_"You're a fucking arsehole, you know that?"_ Toki finally came out with.

_"Everyone keeps telling me that, so it must be true."_

_"It is."_

_"They also say that I'm the fastest guitarist alive and liken to a god of the instrument. So that must be true too."_

_"Yeah. I suppose so."_

_"So if I say you can or can't play something, then I'm probably right."_

_"Yeah. You are."_

Skwisgaar turned around in surprise. _"I am?"_

_"Yeah, you are. I can play it. I just… I just don't want to."_

_"What do you mean 'you don't want to'?"_

_"I mean. It's just. It's not me."_

_"What? So we've wasted almost four hours just because you're not feeling it?!"_

_"No, it's not that. Fuck it. You just do, I can't."_

_"You just said that you could!"_

_"What do you even fucking care?! Huh?!"_ Toki yelled back as he spun around to face the swede, _"Like you said, you wrote it so you can record it! Nothing I do is good enough anyway!"_

_"Well that's not my fault!"_

_"Nothing is ever your fault, is it!? You're totally fucking immune, aren't you? Fucking impenetrable!" _Toki blushed at his own words and snapped his mouth shut. Skwisgaar scoffed at his shocked face.

_"Well that **was** my fault."_ Skwisgaar said with a lofty pout and absolutely no shame in his voice. Toki's mouth opened again but no words fell out of it, he couldn't believe he was hearing this. He honestly could not believe it and so assumed it was just more of the swede's bullshit.

_"I don't want to talk about it."_ He finally came out with.

_"Why not?" _The swede asked, genuinely curious but still in a shameless tone.

_"I'm not talking about it. Ever. It didn't happen."_

_"Really?"_

"_Really_. Heys Nathan, come on. No mores fooling arounds. Lets me outs of here." Toki began banging on the glass again.

"No." The front man replied succinctly.

_"What? You didn't like it?"_ Skwisgaar asked being deliberately antagonistic.

"Comes on Nathan!"

_"Seemed like you liked it?"_ He continued and started sauntering over to Toki.

"Fuckings hell, Nathan!"

Skwisgaar went right up to Toki and leaned a James Dean against the glass with a smirk, making sure as much of their bodies as was respectable were touching, _"You loved it, didn't you?"_

Toki froze with his fist on the glass for a moment then jumped back, _"No I didn't, we're not talking about this, just drop it alright?"_ He powered over to the other side of the booth, _"Don't ever mention it again because it's not happening again."_ Toki shoulder barged the door but it didn't budge.

_"Says you."_ The swede said conceitedly.

Toki was half way through his second shoulder barge but Skwisgaar's words took all the force out of it. He turned and looked at the swede who peeled himself off the glass very deliberately hips first. Skwisgaar turned to him still with his arms crossed and shifted his weight to his other hip like a palomino show horse.

_"So what's the real reason you won't play this?"_ Skwisgaar asked, reverting to band mode.

_"It doesn't matter."_ He barged the door a few more times between words. _"So you… can just…do it."_

_"Maybe I don't want to?" _The swede said, mocking Toki's previous explanation.

_"Ja…you…DO!"_ Toki put all his weight behind the last one but still the door didn't give. He steadied himself against the door with both outstretched arms as he caught his breath. The feeling of being trapped caused anxiety to surge and swirl in his chest.

/

"Dood, he's gunna end up breakin' somethin'" Pickles commented to Nathan.

"So? We'll just have Charles get it replaced. I'm fucking sick of these two." Nathan replied. Murderface had started giving the two his own voices and played out a domestic couple scene where Skwisgaar never listened and Toki couldn't cook Swedish meatballs properly, much to the others' amusement.

_\_

_"Well why don't you want to play it? What's wrong with it?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Then what's the problem?"_

_"I don't want to talk about that either. _Nathan, we amns't fightings no more. Come on._" _He banged on the glass a little harder and more desperately.

"Ja we ams! _What's wrong with my music all of a sudden?"_ Skwisgaar shifted his weight again and began his self-defence,_ "What, you think just because you and Murderface write one fucking song you can start pulling my stuff to bits?!"_

_"No, it's just. Well, ja, writing that song was, well it…"_ Toki began moving aimlessly around the room. He didn't like this feeling at all, it was too familiar. _"Look, it doesn't matter. Can we just not talk about this right now?"_ He began clenching and unclenching his teeth nervously as he paced.

_"It does matter! If you can play it then why the fuck won't you?!" _Skwisgaar still couldn't handle criticism.

"_It's like I said, it's not me, I'm not you. _Guys! This amns't funny no mores!" Toki looked down at the floor as he paced up and down in front of the window. The tiny room seemed to be getting darker and the world beyond the glass was drifting farther away. The ball of anxiety over his heart bound itself tighter.

_"Well what the fuck is that supposed to mean? Are you some deep, brooding, misunderstood artist now?"_ Skwisgaar was standing back and his accusing gaze followed Toki as he moved about the room.

_"I thought you of all people would have understood."_ Toki said absentmindedly as he went and tried to barge the door open again. His movement was less focused and more desperate than last time as the room was becoming cold.

_"You're not getting out like that, you know. And what am I not understanding? Do you think you could do better? You want to write your own part, is that it? Ha! You can't even read music, how are you going to write it?"_

_"You do."_

_"I have my own special way of doing it."_

_"Well, so do I." _Toki leaned his back against the glass and its chill coursed right through his lungs and along the length of his spine. He could smell the stagnant, damp air and he scratched at his chest as his skin began to itch. He accepted that they were trapped and didn't bother calling out anymore to the far away people beyond the glass.

Skwisgaar tapped his fingers on his arms as he thought. He felt very relieved that the others couldn't understand what he had just said as an old and repressed memory pushed its way right from the back of Skwisgaar's consciousness of when Magnus had said the exact same thing to him. He knew how that had turned out and his brain twisted a little.

_"You don't think you could ever replace me, do you?"_ Skwisgaar asked.

_"Huh? What?"_ Toki replied distractedly; the cold from the glass had permeated his entire chest cavity. He couldn't pull himself away and it caused him to take shallow breaths as he rubbed his itching forearms.

_"And here I was feeling guilty, feeling sorry for you."_ The lead guitarist narrowed his eyes.

_"No you weren't."_ Toki said automatically.

_"Well not anymore."_

_"What were you guilty about?"_ Toki asked still distracted; he could feel the fleas crawling about his hairline and rubbed the back of his neck.

_"I thought you didn't want to talk about it?"_

_"About what?" _Toki noted how his voice echoed off the walls, which was impossible in the echo proof room.

Skwisgaar thought Toki was being incredibly childish, actually pretending that nothing had happened. So he switched back to the original issue.

_"Pick up the guitar and play the fucking track." _He tried to command.

_"I can't do that, it wouldn't be right."_

_"Probably not but do it anyway."_

_"No, I mean it's not right if I play it. There's too much **you** in it, it doesn't feel right."_ Toki crossed his arms and braced himself against the cold room, scratching at his shoulder and chest. There was no escape; he would have to just wait it out.

_"What the fuck do you mean by that?!"_ Skwisgaar was getting really confused as well as pissed off, _"I wrote it, of course there is **me** in it?!"_

_"I mean,"_ Toki's voice bounced around the room and he could hear himself in third person, _"I mean,"_ the fleas crawled in his hair and he could taste the damp, earthy air that was closing in on him, _"I mean, this one is YOU it's all YOU."_ Toki's blurted out honestly, _"It's not like the other stuff you've written for me because it's not ME, it's YOU. It feels like YOU! It is you, and I can play it. I can actually fucking play it! I can play YOU and that scares the fuck out of me!"_

Skwisgaar shifted again but uncomfortably this time and looked away from Toki.

_"So, you… you don't like that, then?"_ he asked in a quiet, level tone.

_"I don't know. It's scary but incredible at the same time. It's just, really, different."_ Toki said unpoetically. Skwisgaar was silent for a while as he thought and contemplated the Norwegian. _"How long do you think we'll be down here for? What are you doing here anyway?"_ Toki could hear the blood rushing in his own ears and he scratched at his scalp again. Then the dripping started.

_"Well it looks like I'm stuck in here for no reason at all. As for time, we're almost done with the record so maybe another day or two of recording and then production could be another few weeks. You know how it goes."_

_"A few weeks? I wonder how long that is in spider time?"_ Toki said to himself as his eyes darted all over the room searching for the source of the dripping sound; they would need water.

Skwisgaar assumed this was a reference to one of Toki's weird animes and it just furthered his annoyance at his childish attitude. Skwisgaar mimicked Toki's stance and leaned with his back against the glass as he thought about what the brunette had said. He was particularly proud of this track and it slowly dawned on him that he, of all people, did understand.

/

"Thisch hasch to be one of the most boring cage matcshes I've ever scheen. Twenty minutesch in and not one punch thrown." Murderface complained. "My money's schtill on Toki."

"So yer not gunna let them out until they kiss and make up?" Pickles asked the front man.

"Something like that." Nathan said but directed it more at Dick Knubbler.

"What?" Knubbler asked the front man, "I agree with you, this was a good idea. The tension in this room for the past week has been terrible and they're to blame. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Good work, Nathan. " He said and Nathan grunted some kind of thanks at him.

\

Skwisgaar let out a long sigh before speaking. _"You know Toki, You're right and you're wrong."_ He looked over at the Norwegian who was just staring at the ground in what looked like a childish sulk, _"This track is different from the others but not in the way you think it is. It's not me you're playing, you can't play my stuff, it's way beyond you, you found that out yourself, but…"_ Skwisgaar paused for a moment as he tried to compile a suitable explanation, _"…. But the reason this one might feel different to the other stuff is, well, when I write the rhythm guitar parts I'm usually thinking of how it will balance and support my own playing. I think about me. But this one, well….. I was thinking… I was thinking about…. Well, I wasn't thinking about me._" He looked over at an unmoved Toki and felt foolish, _"And I was pretty fucking high at the time, so like, whatever. Damn I need a smoke. I wonder when Nathan will let us out, this is so dumb."_

_"In about twenty webs."_ Toki said.

"_I don't know what that means."_

_"You said a few weeks, so that's about twenty webs. It's my way of telling time down here."_

_"Huh? We can't have our phones in the studio but there's always been a clock on the wall."_

_"Yeah, Vigdis. She's the best spinner. She likes to hang from stone four hundred and forty-seven. Don't touch her though, you'll get sick. She bites."_

_"I haven't seen whatever stupid cartoon you're referencing." _Skwisgaar looked down and allowed a short silence to fill the space between them._ "So, um, are we cool?"_

_"Of course we are. We're partners in crime, right? A pair of sinners, that's why he put us down here. It's our punishment."_

_"Ok…. Well… will you record the track now?"_

_"No way."_

_"What the fuck? Why not?!"_

Toki Held himself tighter; He still couldn't break away from the glass. The chill had high jacked his veins and now invaded every part of his being like an alien parasite.

_"Because then we would never get out." _He said in a timid voice. Skwisgaar stared at him for a while as his brain battled itself trying to decide if this was Toki making a very distasteful joke or not.

Toki had lost what little control he had over his reality. Everything he was seeing didn't match his other senses; the amplifiers, the microphones, the lights, what were they doing down here? The guitar, **his** guitar, that wasn't allowed down here. Where was the yellow straw? He could feel it itching all over his body but he couldn't see it. He needed to get under it quickly to get warm and find his… oh, wait. He reached out and grabbed a bit of Skwisgaar's hair, wrapping it around itself.

/

"Are they doin' each other's hair?" Pickles asked the outsiders.

"Thisch ischn't a cage match, it'sch an effing schlumber party!" Murderface complained further.

"Maybe we should let them out now? We've still got a lot of work to do." Knubbler suggested to Nathan. Nathan just stared on in distrust.

_\_

_"Oh, hey I found you. It's been a while, huh?"_ Toki said to the hair in his hand. Skwisgaar was too intrigued and wary to slap him away immediately. _"You know Skwisgaar got thrown down here with me too this time?"_

_"Toki."_ Skwisgaar said impatiently; he had decided that it was just a bad joke after all.

_"It's kind of his fault but it's mostly mine."_

_"Toki, knock it off."_

_"Oh, hey Skwisgaar. Have you two already met?"_

_"Toki, quit being a weirdo."_ Skwisgaar held Toki's wrist as he stepped away and the twist of hair fell free.

_"What? What did you do that for?! Where is he?! I need him!"_ Toki started yelling.

_"Toki! Fucking stop this! It's not funny!"_ He yelled back still holding his wrist and squeezed tighter.

_"We can't get out so w**e** need him. Where is he!? WHERE IS HE!?"_ Toki was yelling but had no energy in his limbs. Skwisgaar studied his face and decided that there was a possibility that this might not be a joke.

/

"Finallay schome blood!" Murderface commented in gleeful expectation.

"Blood? Nerh, ya were right before. This is more o' a pillow fight." Pickles retorted as they watched their zoo animals.

\

"Nathan!" The swede began banging on the glass this time. "I ams skerious now! Opens dis door!" The front man just stared back blankly.

_"He won't let us out until it's time. Don't you get it? There is no escape. I've tried. I've tried so many times."_ Toki said in a shaky voice. Skwisgaar moved in front of Toki's shrinking body and released his wrist in favour of both of his shoulders.

"Opens dis fuckings door!" The swede screamed at the others.

_"Twenty webs, Skwisgaar. That's our punishment. That's the price of our sin. I've done ten before and that was hard enough but twenty? Twenty is impossible."_

"NATHAN!"

Skwisgaar panicked and in his fright he tore the Norwegian from the glass to make him stand on his feet. His skin was pale and his eyes were as distant, wild and cold blue as a jagged mountain range on the horizon. The brunette's considerable strength had left him and he swayed weakly as he looked right into the swede's face.

_"We're going to die down here."_ He said plainly.

Skwisgaar's eyes darted all over the rhythm guitarist's face searching for a hint to the situation. His emotions flicked between scared and angry and so decided on a course of action that would satisfy both.

/

"Dood! That was a total pimp slap!" Pickles laughed.

"Here we go! Toki'sch going to fuck him up!" Murderface said excitedly to the rest of the peanut gallery.

\

Toki's head turned on connection and stayed there for a moment before he turned back to face the Swede. Skwisgaar's face was panicked and he didn't know what to expect but the Norwegian just furrowed his brow in confusion and brought his hand up to his cheek. He began to fall gently forward but the swede steadied him by taking hold of his shoulders again.

"_Toki?_" The lead guitarist tried experimentally but the Norwegian stared uncomprehendingly back at him. _"What was that?"_ Toki opened and closed his mouth a few times but emitted only silence. He then began shaking and it became increasingly more violent as the seconds passed.

_"I…um…I don't know."_ Toki croaked. Skwisgaar finally accepted that whatever had just happened had actually just happened and warily enveloped the shaking brunette in his arms. He held him cautiously to his chest and the Norwegian brought his arms up to hug the taller man's ribs.

/

"Ahhhh, ok? Well it looks like they've stopped fighting." Knubbler pointed out. Nathan grunted and proceeded to remove the table thus freeing the guitarist.

\

Skwisgaar gently ushered Toki out of the isolation booth and picked up his cigarettes from the coffee table as he glowed at the front man.

"Don'ts ever dos dat again, Nathan." He said in a matter of fact voice and scowled before putting an arm around the silent brunette and walking him out of the studio. All eyes watched them exit together (well only one of Knubbler's; the other was eyeing the last piece of French toast).

"Those two are fuckin' made fer each other." Pickles said the moment they were out of earshot. There was a general murmur of sarcastic agreement. "Glad their friends again. Spose I'll do that final drum run through, then? Don't want it ta be a complete waste of a day."


End file.
